A shadow remains

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I have been searching for your light

The eternity you’ve shined

Once upon my life

Once upon my death

The death I faced when you left

~

Why is it that now I see

through the eyes

as shadowed and disguised

Why is it now you say

you never went away

~

I know, yet I care not

for the reasons you give

pain me more the longer I live

You granted me sight once

Now you expect me to stay

humbled and chained

to my realities

which became

changed

into dreams

~

Think me crazy,

what I thought I knew

now I see anew

Was it but an angels shadow

cast upon the ground

~

Or simply a vision

A dream

A wish

A whisper

A fading hope

That one day we will live

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Broken things remembered

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What would you have me do

Sit here simply and dream of you

While my days decay and wander

While my nights betray as I ponder,

your fate.

.

Life is changing

I need you here

Time is fading the memory I once had so clear

and I fear

I may never have you near

again

.

it has been a long while

since I felt or seen your smile

it has been so many years

as I have cried and hidden tears

and now I hear

Time’s toll the bells of years

.

how can I call the future what it is

it holds many possibilities

all of which are dreams

and things

which are broken…

.

Or are they?

Perhaps my mind

or

my vision

is fractured

For Now

the sound of dreams

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There was a time when I remembered.

Paid conscious thought to the mind and eagerly waited for my dreams at night.

The nights dawned with the most lucid of dreams.

The vivid colors and brilliant possibilities.

Freedom.

Awareness.

Fearless.

Divine.

Now the time is passed and I wait for the nights in hope and anticipation for a glimpse of the possibility to live.

Even for  a moment, as I have done for eternity.

All that I dreamed and thought of myself has faded with the image I held of my world.

My dreamscape

My escape

My one chance to be safe…

I chose and I faltered for the reality of my truths

What have I now but truths.

I forsake them

I don’t want them

Why then must I have them…

Leave me be

Alone with the sounds of my dreams

Giving Thanks

I am thankful for my health

I didn’t always have it

I am thankful for my home

It wasn’t always perfect and it still isn’t but I’m thankful

I am thankful for my family

They are safe, they have homes, they are loved

I am thankful that I have the ability to get up and go to work

I am thankful that I have the ability to provide for those who need me

I am thankful that I will be able to look at myself one day,

be happy for all that I am,

and know it is because I am thankful.

it is because I can see…

There are countless faces

Millions of places

Where life is life

With or without circumstance

and change is hard coming

Many have nothing to be thankful for

Be thankful and see

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. 
Oprah Winfrey 

Searching

I am wandering down the halls of my mind… There are doors I keep wanting to open. The ghosts of experiences that are crying for my attention. I recall them, then I slam them shut. I would rather run, than face them, even one. I built the walls, strong. Never once letting them falter, never once letting them down.

 The people.

The places.

The thoughts.

The spaces.

*

They made me… yet I made myself…

They shaped me… yet I overcame myself

Through loss and gain, my thoughts made me sane.

I played the game… and ever did I change.

First and above all Dad.

L and J, was it me or was it them?

The ground where it burned

The home which was always cold.

I didn’t belong.

I still don’t.

Yet now I’m home, and the ghosts are crying for my attention.

*

I listen as I write, waiting for what I am trying to say. Yet the thoughts remain the same.

I know what I overcame, yet that which made me  is slowly driving me insane…

*

I know the answer, yet I don’t want to hear…

It is in there, trying to form itself clear…

Is it me?

Please answer my fears…

it is, but its ok

See

What does God see?
How does He feel?
If you could be with Him,
How would you feel?
Would you feel proud?
Or perhaps weak?

If you had to explain the situations of today?
Yes there is good in people…
Yes there is hope out there…
There is Faith…
Belief…
Benevolence…

Is that enough to shade the indifference?
How would the doubt be hidden?
What of wars and malevolence?

That is on our shoulders
In our conscience
And we should be ashamed
No, we can not fix the world
We can become aware

To question what God feels
To think of what He sees
To think that He does not understand all aspects
To not believe in the reasons
He holds the reasons
We learn from His reasons

We are guided by His intentions

Not forced, nor lead

Simply shown a possible way

Let us be more aware
And less blind
Let us become more like Him
Let us not lose the vision

Nor the hope we declare to Him