Searching

I am wandering down the halls of my mind… There are doors I keep wanting to open. The ghosts of experiences that are crying for my attention. I recall them, then I slam them shut. I would rather run, than face them, even one. I built the walls, strong. Never once letting them falter, never once letting them down.

 The people.

The places.

The thoughts.

The spaces.

*

They made me… yet I made myself…

They shaped me… yet I overcame myself

Through loss and gain, my thoughts made me sane.

I played the game… and ever did I change.

First and above all Dad.

L and J, was it me or was it them?

The ground where it burned

The home which was always cold.

I didn’t belong.

I still don’t.

Yet now I’m home, and the ghosts are crying for my attention.

*

I listen as I write, waiting for what I am trying to say. Yet the thoughts remain the same.

I know what I overcame, yet that which made me  is slowly driving me insane…

*

I know the answer, yet I don’t want to hear…

It is in there, trying to form itself clear…

Is it me?

Please answer my fears…

it is, but its ok

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3 responses to “Searching

  1. Oh enreal, the games our minds play! searching for answers that can’t be found, or maybe are already known & forgotten again… for good reasons… Personally, I find my imagination tends to trump reality, so if it’s something I fear, better to just learn the truth…

  2. hey sweetheart, I’m out of the loop here. I know I haven’t posted anything for a long time and I don’t know if I will start posting again but…. this person started following me: http://sweetlittlegirlmuneera.wordpress.com/ a yuoung poetess, I have no idea how she found me, but I would appreciate it if everyone could take her under their wings and encourage her. She is young, she seems sweet enough, and I turst all of you will make her feel welcome.

    thank you.

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