Gone are the Days

Wandering here, I can not stay

Life has become I and I have become life.

Thoughts grow as does a new soul

And though I am too far gone,

One day,

One of us

Will carry on… 

 

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Conversations with…

I am returning to my Abstract Conversations Series for inspiration… I will be working on some new conversations to see what answers I can find to my endless questioning… for now I share with you some of my original conversations. I am fond of the time I spent conversing with my thoughts and my Soul… This is republished from a while back… the conversations are published previously…

I have an obsession with conversations. Intelligent, deep, meaningful conversations… There is only so much one can learn from literature and history… there is a whole other world out there, many other worlds out there…The only way to reach them is through conversation, observing another’s Life and understanding even questioning why they are…

Why they are… indeed. The fundamental philosophical question. Why? Why are we? Now imagine this, a conversation with an abstract, something abstract made tangible for conversation with you, with me… I have had many of these conversations and am working towards that “perfect conversation“.

A perfect conversation? I believe it can be described as a flow of energy, a way of connecting with another and traveling to a place that is out of reach, it is a way of reading from the pages of Life, a way of transcending Self. It can be recalled as butterflies in the stomach, realizing you have touched on something that is larger than Self, a glimpse of knowledge and power too large to hold in the mind, so it simply slips away silently, gracefully. I am constantly searching for that perfect conversation… one I can hold in my heart and in my mind. It is always in my Soul.

Now I share with you some of my Abstract Conversations, I am always searching for a way to connect, a way to answer my Soul…

Conversation with Destiny

Conversation with Subconsciousness

Conversation with Knowledge

Conversation with Death

Conversation with Life

Who’s to say if I am the Abstract on the other side of this reality…
A Conversation with Reality… I have to find Reality first…

 

Remember to remember

When I remember to remember the ache creeps in. So easy is it to push aside dreams and in turn head towards a given reality.

 

When I remember to remember a shadow is thrown. So easy is it to run with the sun and leave behind the darkness in silence.

 

When I remember to remember the silence breaks. So easy is it to listen to breath and the constant rhythm of the heart.

 

It beats

I breathe

I cast shadows

I walk the path blind

 

Yet when I remember to remember

When I choose to not forget. I know.

 

It is not so easy to escape that which comes from within. Blinding yourself. Ignoring the ache. When I remember to remember I feel sad.

 

Perhaps I shall forget this too.

Maybe

Maybe next time I’ll dance

Live with no limitations

Be free from my demands


Maybe next time I’ll smile

Dance with my emotions

Be free from the shadows of the sad


Maybe next time I’ll try

to simply be

For a short while

Me


Maybe next time in another place

At another point of life

Another juncture

Something new

I was daydreaming for a short while. Living in the moment, living in my dream. I was important, I was beautiful, I was full of joy, I was free from hope. For hope had succeeded, in my daydream. I was free from my fears. For a short while I was happy in my mind.

The scene finally focused and there I was… here I was… living in my reality. I thought… next life I will live… this is simply practice… seeing all I could be doing in my next life…

Then I realized

I gave up.

I give up.

Am I really ready to give up on my dreams? Am I really ready to settle? Am I really ready to wait for the next time? Am I?

All I can say is maybe I am. I am tired. I am disappointed. I had my dreams, now all I have is reality setting in. The reality that I see… is not the beautiful visions of my dreams.

Once upon a time… there lived a girl, she was special, beautiful, important… This girl was full of joy and free from fear.

One day she fell asleep and awoke in a new world… it was very strange and alien to anything she had ever seen before… it was when she gazed at her reflection did she see she was real… the scene was real… it was as true as her mind let her believe… when she tried to fall asleep to return home… she realised there was no going back, she realised the dream had been truly a dream, and this new reality was her future…

to be asleep, to be awake, to believe in what we need to see… is this what it means to be real? Or maybe we see what we need to believe…

Maybe

In another life


Maybe next time I will live

My dreams

I often speak to you as if you are my future, my life, my hopes, my truths… my escape… my reality.

Yet as of late, the nights have turned restless, fever rushes and sweat drowns my peace

As of late, the visions which fall bring not rest

As of late, the nights which gather make my eyes heavy with longing of nights which have passed

As of late, I sit in the corner and wait for dawn. Awake. Alone.


I have spoken to you so often, yet tonight I address you, directly, and ask of you to return to me.

Do not begrudge me my mistakes, for I may have taken for granted, but I have never forsaken my peace.

Please return to me

my future, my life, my hopes, my truths… my escape… my reality…

my dreams

I remember nights when I would smile and await the next adventure,

the reality of  life faded and  accompanied the shadows to rest.

The replaced image was one of silence and experience

This new uncertainty became truth… I remember the nights.

I remember the mornings when I would smile and try to capture every detail,

relive the fantasy, find that which I believed in, feel the freedom of all I owned… be that which knows no bounds… almost discovering the reflection in the mirror is all but a mirage… it is the real you

the fragrances of life, the tastes of air, the sights and sounds… all aware… all in there… it is the truth… I remember the mornings when my mind would comfort my soul

one day,

one day

your dreams shall

be real,

for all which is,

is all

In dreams

bitter calm of winter

The smell of winter.

Darkness arrives early this time of year.

Time passes slow.

The sound of my voice is clearer as the wind silences the world.

What is it about the oncoming peace that leaves my heart confused? The calm on the waters is soothing as my mind races far into the future, doubling back and charging through the barrier of time… flimsy really… for one can always venture into the past, the future is what leaves us in shadow…

There is a calling from within the mist of the shadow… hearing what we know, yet understanding as one would a lost language… or understanding as one would a smile… sad is the voice from within… as is the look in the eyes of my dying father… Did he know he was going to die that night? The look in his eyes say yes. Yes… yet it was just a dream, another lost memory, just another dream. It fades…


Fading as are the years one ventures away from the sound of his voice, or is it my voice… Can I hear the difference?  Do I know of what I speak? Is this really about him? Or is it really about me? Just another vision, just another dream, just another tear which falls to my feet…


The ground is cold beneath my feet… I stand before the calm shore and the moon glistens its light upon the waters… darkest night so full of light… where is my vision? where is my sight? I turn to find my father by my side… the bitter calm of winter… he smiles… he is here again, for now… then why am I so sad?


Because these are just more words coming from my head… more words… or simply another dream… Yes… it was just a dream, another lost memory, just another dream… coming from my head


Dad

Good Bye

Twilight fades

The daylight rests

Darkness softly enters

At eventide she appears

Walking to the edge of life

She lingers

.

She knows not of time

She judges not eternity

Believing all is as it should be

.

Her gaze drawn to the first glimmer

A single star alone in the vast ocean of the sky

Yet the lonely star is far from sight

“You see only the brightest, we are never alone”

She smiles at this truth

She waits

.

Her smile welcomes her truth

Her acceptance lightens the sky

Bringing reality and light

Entering the deepest part of being

She waits to be

On the edge of time

.

Her knowledge made of a dream

She watches as it shines

The memories whisper on the edge of the breeze

She waits as it shudders down her spine

And as it comes out her being

The whisper on the breeze

Her wait is over

.

The memories flood

Time flashes her truth

Reality and Starlight mingle and dance

Racing above the horizon

Teaching with lessons

Shining with purpose

The path entered shall never be crossed the same way twice

The truth taught and learned carries different meaning

Carries different purpose

She waited and learned her truth

She waited and made her judgement

Smiling she crosses the void

The lonely star still in sight

With this vision

She turns and says,

.

“good bye”

.

Darkness fades

The evening rests

Daylight softly enters

At daybreak she appears