A shadow remains

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I have been searching for your light

The eternity you’ve shined

Once upon my life

Once upon my death

The death I faced when you left

~

Why is it that now I see

through the eyes

as shadowed and disguised

Why is it now you say

you never went away

~

I know, yet I care not

for the reasons you give

pain me more the longer I live

You granted me sight once

Now you expect me to stay

humbled and chained

to my realities

which became

changed

into dreams

~

Think me crazy,

what I thought I knew

now I see anew

Was it but an angels shadow

cast upon the ground

~

Or simply a vision

A dream

A wish

A whisper

A fading hope

That one day we will live

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Separate Lives

I have been wrestling with this for sometime… I am feeling disconnected and unsure of my Life today… That is unlike me… I was recently exposed to some really negative energy, I would normally brush it off… but it is a really strange day today…here is my dilema…

I live two lives, many of us do. Different situations, settings make us different people. I live two lives…As a young woman working to support herself and her family. And as Enreal… who I want to be at all times. It is difficult…All my philosophies all my dreams and aspirations… I want to be the embodiment of Her. She is my Soul and I am her instrument… I want to Live it. I love my family more than my Life. I sacrifice my Life for them in more ways than I can describe… all my important Life decisions I have built around them… When my father passed away…I was given new responsibilities… I love them, I love my family…

They are not the primary issue… it is my job, notice I do not say career… It is such a complicated situation… I know that I must do what is right… I am procrastinating… I have been sitting on 3 books… afraid to look for publication… afraid of change… The people in my lives are judging me based on what they see… what I do for a living… what I do for my family… I normally understand judgement… today was too much… I was blatently disrespected… told I have no future… judged by the exterior… Judgement… I have had these feelings before… now I am just sad…

I will probably delete this post… it goes against my philosophies… I do not want this place to be ruined by their energies… Isn’t it amazing how someones harmful energy found its way here…

I feel sad
I know I shouldn’t

I feel insecure
I know I shouldn’t

I have been put down
I should be strong

I lead two lives
One ideal
The other neccessary…

Who brought me down…
to my knees
to the tears which run down to their cupped hands
As they drink
The salt in my tears…
I shall bring forth a new strength
I shall rise up off the ground
Stand tall before them
And give them my hands
Take them and show them
So they do not judge me again

Soon…One day… when I do not feel sad
For I know I shouldn’t…