Still there


There are some words that need to be spoken

there are those that should be burned

Torn into a million letters

Broken so as they may never break another


There are some moments that would forever be remembered

there are those that should be punished

forced to be internally repeated for the torment and pleasure of its name

Envisioned over and over never forgetting the pain


You would never want me to hurt, why then do I ask myself of the letter I wrote. A false altruism meant to open your eyes, blurred them instead with tears as mine are blurred now.

There was a discussion, but how I felt the pain behind the knowledge. I burned it the letter. yet I still remember. I’m sorry for what I wrote, I know how my voice sounded in your head. I will never forgive myself as that is the last thing you read from me.


You would never want me to cry, I know it would grieve you so. Yet I know I should have come in to say hello. That night so long ago. I simply drove away. I knew where you would be, I just figured you would be there at least one more day.

Instead I said hello my own way.

With a gut wrenching scream

at 4 am

after I hung up the phone