Awake

Behind them, I feel

the movement

the fear.

They are my eyes.

~

Beneath them, I hear

the pulsing

the throbbing

they are my cries.

~

Relentless reminders

Mortality

Reality

Heavy

with knowing

~

Knowing

the breath I fear

trapped me here.

I try to sleep, I try to breathe

but all I hear as I dream

is the thunder

that I fear within.

~

My heart

~

I am awake, though my eyes are closed. My heart beats heavy, though no one knows. The sound is noise and it keeps me awake, all the while my eyes remain closed.

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These are senses

Do I need to be blind in order to see?

Do I need to be deaf in order to hear?

Numb to feel

Fear death to start living

It would suffice to say I fear life more so that I do death… there are so many possibilities, so many futures which lie down so many paths

Limitations are given by choice
Boundaries offer little guidance
These are the sealed paths
Doorways within blocked walls

These are the impossible
These are the challenges of strength
These are the tests of faith
These are the roads we take

To experience
To be here
To breathe
To be anywhere

These are the gifts
These are the signals

They are the destinies

They are more alive than we will ever be

They are more free than we choose to be

Blind. Deaf. Numb. Dead

These are senses

My dreams

I often speak to you as if you are my future, my life, my hopes, my truths… my escape… my reality.

Yet as of late, the nights have turned restless, fever rushes and sweat drowns my peace

As of late, the visions which fall bring not rest

As of late, the nights which gather make my eyes heavy with longing of nights which have passed

As of late, I sit in the corner and wait for dawn. Awake. Alone.


I have spoken to you so often, yet tonight I address you, directly, and ask of you to return to me.

Do not begrudge me my mistakes, for I may have taken for granted, but I have never forsaken my peace.

Please return to me

my future, my life, my hopes, my truths… my escape… my reality…

my dreams

I remember nights when I would smile and await the next adventure,

the reality of  life faded and  accompanied the shadows to rest.

The replaced image was one of silence and experience

This new uncertainty became truth… I remember the nights.

I remember the mornings when I would smile and try to capture every detail,

relive the fantasy, find that which I believed in, feel the freedom of all I owned… be that which knows no bounds… almost discovering the reflection in the mirror is all but a mirage… it is the real you

the fragrances of life, the tastes of air, the sights and sounds… all aware… all in there… it is the truth… I remember the mornings when my mind would comfort my soul

one day,

one day

your dreams shall

be real,

for all which is,

is all

In dreams