fragments

“how can I make all others happy, when I can not make myself happy”

The night calls,

whispering promises of solitude and peace.

Fantasy, adventure and dreams

The day breaks,

shouting realities of unity and chaos

Truth, strife and life.

Ignoring one while shunning the other.

Then and when the waters rise,

they reach to you, try to drown you

Until you submit

to one reality or the other…

“how can I make all others happy, when I can not make myself happy”

I just need to stop trying

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Awake

Behind them, I feel

the movement

the fear.

They are my eyes.

~

Beneath them, I hear

the pulsing

the throbbing

they are my cries.

~

Relentless reminders

Mortality

Reality

Heavy

with knowing

~

Knowing

the breath I fear

trapped me here.

I try to sleep, I try to breathe

but all I hear as I dream

is the thunder

that I fear within.

~

My heart

~

I am awake, though my eyes are closed. My heart beats heavy, though no one knows. The sound is noise and it keeps me awake, all the while my eyes remain closed.

Breath

Labored with in a hollow cavern,

the air stagnant,

slow to move.

Fear of escaping the warmth

of the hollowed womb.

It has grown thick.

It is red. 

It is Silent

Living dead

Pulsing

bleeding 

forever

feeling

A shallow breath

INHALE

Exhale

Something a little dark. For years this has been an outlet. I fear I have become a slave to my world. I just need to breathe. ~Enreal

For Now

The days begin to fold into one. Months, weeks, days, hours… or perhaps simply minutes. I can’t tell anymore. Staring at the second hand wondering, why I can’t cry. Why I can’t feel. Why I can’t see…

Then I turn away. I walk away, once more… tired… this too shall pass…

Sighing a heavy breath, one which never really alleviates anything, a breath which is part of my soul, never parting, never detaching from my chest, from my heart… it is a heavy breath…

Then I try once more to breathe, to feel, to see, to cry… I still can’t… for now.

This too shall pass