“how can I make all others happy, when I can not make myself happy”
The night calls,
whispering promises of solitude and peace.
Fantasy, adventure and dreams
The day breaks,
shouting realities of unity and chaos
Truth, strife and life.
Ignoring one while shunning the other.
Then and when the waters rise,
they reach to you, try to drown you
Until you submit
to one reality or the other…
“how can I make all others happy, when I can not make myself happy”
I just need to stop trying
Behind them, I feel
the movement
the fear.
They are my eyes.
~
Beneath them, I hear
the pulsing
the throbbing
they are my cries.
~
Relentless reminders
Mortality
Reality
Heavy
with knowing
~
Knowing
the breath I fear
trapped me here.
I try to sleep, I try to breathe
but all I hear as I dream
is the thunder
that I fear within.
~
My heart
~
I am awake, though my eyes are closed. My heart beats heavy, though no one knows. The sound is noise and it keeps me awake, all the while my eyes remain closed.
Labored with in a hollow cavern,
the air stagnant,
slow to move.
Fear of escaping the warmth
of the hollowed womb.
It has grown thick.
It is red.
It is Silent
Living dead
Pulsing
bleeding
forever
feeling
A shallow breath
INHALE
Exhale
Something a little dark. For years this has been an outlet. I fear I have become a slave to my world. I just need to breathe. ~Enreal
The days begin to fold into one. Months, weeks, days, hours… or perhaps simply minutes. I can’t tell anymore. Staring at the second hand wondering, why I can’t cry. Why I can’t feel. Why I can’t see…
Then I turn away. I walk away, once more… tired… this too shall pass…
Sighing a heavy breath, one which never really alleviates anything, a breath which is part of my soul, never parting, never detaching from my chest, from my heart… it is a heavy breath…
Then I try once more to breathe, to feel, to see, to cry… I still can’t… for now.
This too shall pass
Journals Of Enreal 