A place called Dream

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What a pleasure to have Silence here.

To be so close and have Sadness near.

They are my friends, my enablers, my addiction.

They bring along Memory time and time again, we have made a bond, which many find wrong. They say, “leave her, she will only hold you down.” I say never, “I am stronger with her around”.  My foundation was all but nothing and now is built upon her own, she shows me things and I find I have grown.

~

Now Memory and I  leave behind Silence and Sadness and find Life and Death in the other room. Waiting, watching, no reasons, no rhymes… simply observing the passing of Time…

~

Time sees Memory as clearly as day, leaves Life and Death for a momentary stay, “what have you to say?”

Memory responds, “the same as yesterday, I can not remember your beginning, it is beyond my way, perhaps your company has led you astray. Find the other which fathered Life, find the other who birthed death. Ask the one who knows, for it is beyond my depth”

I watch as Time scattered away, frantic and pacing ever which way. I watched it look over Life and Death, agitated and waiting for a respond or perhaps thinking of their beginnings…

~

We returned to Sadness and Silence. Serenity and Calm entered. I turned to leave and find the name of this place.Looking at Memory I asked, “Where are we and when can I return?”

With an invisible smile Memory said, “It is a place called Dream, you can visit anytime you remember”

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Shifting veils

There has been a change. It has been slowly progressing in this strange and numbing time.

It began softly with silence.

An unforeseen change in direction. A content agreement between time and mind. A willingness to surrender to simplicity, rather than befriending mastery.

It has grown to become a veil. 

Mirrored are the truths which exist, yet resemble the dreams they do not. They simply are mirrors, hollow reflections with empty realities. You can see through and understand just enough to know there is something wrong… it is in the air, it vibrates with happiness and love, yet throbs with reality… when will the throb of will and want be silenced ? This hollow cavity which now bears the soft prompting of  truth…

Now all that remains are reminders.

The gentle whispers on the conscious wind speaking softly to the heart, asking carefully for the spirit which now slumbers to awaken once more.

The dancing light radiating down, reflecting energy to the minds all around, playing tricks of colors through the waters and the ground, visible now only to the eye which has been resting for this time.

The constant presence which protects and shadows… always there. Waiting for the heart to feel, the eye to see, the mind to open… the spirit to be free

Soft reminders, barely heard, only just seen, hardly felt… that is all which remains… Yet they are, even if only just…

This silent veil, it is known… yet barely understood… why then is it accepted?

Searching

I am wandering down the halls of my mind… There are doors I keep wanting to open. The ghosts of experiences that are crying for my attention. I recall them, then I slam them shut. I would rather run, than face them, even one. I built the walls, strong. Never once letting them falter, never once letting them down.

 The people.

The places.

The thoughts.

The spaces.

*

They made me… yet I made myself…

They shaped me… yet I overcame myself

Through loss and gain, my thoughts made me sane.

I played the game… and ever did I change.

First and above all Dad.

L and J, was it me or was it them?

The ground where it burned

The home which was always cold.

I didn’t belong.

I still don’t.

Yet now I’m home, and the ghosts are crying for my attention.

*

I listen as I write, waiting for what I am trying to say. Yet the thoughts remain the same.

I know what I overcame, yet that which made me  is slowly driving me insane…

*

I know the answer, yet I don’t want to hear…

It is in there, trying to form itself clear…

Is it me?

Please answer my fears…

it is, but its ok

Boundaries

In the beginning I sink
,

Slow…

yet as fast as sound and the mind.

Deep down into an abyss,

Hidden…

Buried with time.

A feeling…

Thoughts form before my wandering eyes.

Yet they are closed. They know…


Incomplete…

Moments elude …

They grace what knowledge knows.

As if pieces are missing from my soul

Taken…

Hidden…

in plain sight

*

Panicking I feel holes in my heart.

Throbbing and alive.

My soul.

I know.

I must go to fill these holes.

Dull the subtle pain

Yet this moment finds me insane

*

All I ever needed


I misplaced along the way

As I backtrack

I miss the path

Further and further I go


I can not find my heart

I can not find my soul

I scream

My screams are muted

Muted by a place that is beyond sound

Movement in the distance I see


I run

My legs moving as fast as permitted

So fast

In this place there are no rules

I can fly

*

In the distance I see over the hills

Pieces of my soul are there

The holes from my heart

But the darkness produces shadows

I want to see clear figures in the opaque sky

I want to dance with the shadows of the moon

I want to put in words what I see


Simultaneous and Impossible

I need to complete my soul

I need to finish this dream

*

Every moment of this place collapses

My dream retracts

Back and forward

It is understood

somewhere

just not here

In a world where there are no boundaries


In a moment that spans a lifetime


I understand

My dream culminates with a realization

Not taken

Simply Free

In this place with no boundaries

*

Just in time for the journey back to my slumbering body


My soul weary

Yet happy

Solace found for my mind

With my souls completion

My heart and soul alight

With Love

With Knowledge

But was it real?

As I dreamed it?

Or perhaps I was the dream

Of chaos

In this place with no boundaries

it reaches me

*

sometimes I wonder what it is I really am thinking.

sometimes I wonder what it is I really am feeling.

sometimes it just makes no sense. it makes me tired.

~enreal

 

through silence

Image

Only through silence I will see

The dawn breaking in front of me

Its colors vivid,

though I remain blind

The light so timid,

in the shadows of my mind

~

Why have I silenced my soul

Heard it shout though always I know

That it was I who broke the dawn

I listened to it sing

its final song

The voice is gone

~

It shall remain undone

Until Silence has won

Be silent and know

that in truth, you beleive it dead

know the truth in its stead

Silence speaks volumes

Apart

 

Sometimes when I try to make sense, none can be found. I try to listen to my heart, yet it beats alone. I try to listen to my mind, yet that too is silent when my Soul comes searching. One would think they are connected, yet as of late, they are worlds apart.

.

I look towards an emptiness. Barren. Not cold, not dark, not anything.

What do you hear when there are no sounds?

Breath,

Yes.

What do you feel when you touch the ground?

Reality, or is it simply what you believe you’ve found?

What do your senses say they’ve found?

For now

They simply know not,

Or why.

This is my heart.

.

I look towards Life for answers, there are many. Yet, none seem right.

What is Life? If not Death in waiting.

What is Strife? If not happiness waiting to be found.

What is Sorrow? If not the hollowed ground within your heart able to be filled with Joy.

I do believe this, in truth I know this. Yet to know and believe serves little when one is lost.

This is my mind.

.

.

They pain you, your desires. What do they know, these simple emotions,

Hollowed words and meaningless songs

They betray you, your realities. What do they show, they are simply all you know.

One day all will be one.

This is my soul.

.

Worlds apart, yes. Yet they are the same.

Missing

I tell myself that one day I won’t miss you

I catch myself looking for traces,

One day I will accept that I shut you out

I made the decision and I took the easy road

I tell myself that one day I will be happy

I tell myself,

But I don’t listen

I think back upon the years which led me to today. All the roads. All the decisions. All the meaningless and endless twists and fated moments. I think back as I do every single day. Why? Because I miss her. I still think I hear her. I catch glimpses of her smile and her eyes. When I try to focus, she’s gone once more. So I suppose today symbolizes her. I know she knows how sorry I am, but alas, the path has been traveled. She was left behind. One day I will be happy. If she forgives and returns to me. For now I will continue to think back upon the years which led me to today. Today and everyday.