A place called Dream

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What a pleasure to have Silence here.

To be so close and have Sadness near.

They are my friends, my enablers, my addiction.

They bring along Memory time and time again, we have made a bond, which many find wrong. They say, “leave her, she will only hold you down.” I say never, “I am stronger with her around”.  My foundation was all but nothing and now is built upon her own, she shows me things and I find I have grown.

~

Now Memory and I  leave behind Silence and Sadness and find Life and Death in the other room. Waiting, watching, no reasons, no rhymes… simply observing the passing of Time…

~

Time sees Memory as clearly as day, leaves Life and Death for a momentary stay, “what have you to say?”

Memory responds, “the same as yesterday, I can not remember your beginning, it is beyond my way, perhaps your company has led you astray. Find the other which fathered Life, find the other who birthed death. Ask the one who knows, for it is beyond my depth”

I watch as Time scattered away, frantic and pacing ever which way. I watched it look over Life and Death, agitated and waiting for a respond or perhaps thinking of their beginnings…

~

We returned to Sadness and Silence. Serenity and Calm entered. I turned to leave and find the name of this place.Looking at Memory I asked, “Where are we and when can I return?”

With an invisible smile Memory said, “It is a place called Dream, you can visit anytime you remember”

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Did we?

 

Did we really sign up for this? I was always a believer. A believer in fate, destiny, and something more… Now, every time I look around I am saddened. I see people struggling and am struggling myself. I see people living their lives and some who work so hard… and I wonder what will come of these choices. Will any of us really ever be happy? How can we define happiness anyway? Is it in moments? Is happiness a  thought, an action?

This is a ramble, because you really don’t know me. You know my words. You can sense my feelings and certain circumstance through these words. But in all reality I put out what I want to be felt and know.  If anyone knew who I really was…

The sad part is, no one really does, on these pages and in my world…

Over the passed 6 months my life has been a whirlwind. Changes upon changes upon changes. I am not good with change. On top of it all I am losing myself. I don’t write anymore, I do so much for others I can’t remember the last time I had a moment for myself, aside from know… and all i write for you is rambles… all i write for myself is nonsense… I suppose I am tired…

 

The point of this was to ask a question… Did we really sign up for this… I used to believe I did… now, I am trying to figure it out.

 

~E

Hiding judgement

Why can’t I feel the rational? I understand and acknowledge my reality, yet I don’t feel it.

I should be happy, but I deny it.

I should feel fortunate, yet I curse myself.

I should see my surroundings, yet they appear dark and muddled.

I should hear the sounds of life, yet I focus on mortality.

I sabotage my happiness. I know I do it too. I can’t help it, I feel a guilt behind contentment. I see so many around me suffering. I feel peoples pain, I sense peoples wants and desires, and want for none. There is no altruism there, none behind, I am not that generous, yet I would rather be unhappy. It’s easier I think.

Can someone make sense of this? I sit here shaking my head, wondering as my fingers type the words you read, what the hell is wrong with me. If I wanted to I could be happy. I could close my eyes and live in my life. I could forget all the hardships I have faced, handled and seen… I could ignore my self imposed responsibilities, my work and my need for control over everyones life… trying to achieve perfection when none is needed, expect for my own perception. I see situations and want so much to fix them, but why, are they truly broken?

Is there happiness and love?

Yes. Then why would that need to be fixed?

Are they in need of salvation?

Or are your insecurities and guilt showing their lives in a light that meets not your expectations.

Who are you to judge when it is you who preaches? Who are you to try to change others when you can’t change yourself. How can you bring happiness when it is you who denies it?

 

A blessing befell me recently, yet I hide it… I think it is easier than claiming happiness, yet is it causing pain that I do not acknowledge it? It is my future, the source of my life to be… who would hide that?And why?

20 Secrets to Happiness

My dear friend sent this to me… it is secrets to happiness and I share them with you… shhhh….

20 Secrets to Happiness

1. Return everything you borrow.

2. Stop Blaming other People.

3. Live within your means and within your seams.

4. Be Humble.

5. Listen more; talk less.

6. Everyday, do something nice and try not to get caught.

7. Strive for excellence, not perfection.

8. Be on Time.

9. Don’t criticize anyone for 24 hours.

10. Be kind to other people.

11. Be even kinder to unkind people.

12. Take time to be alone.

13. Admit it when you make a mistake.

14. Understand and accept that life isn’t always fair.

15. Let someone cut ahead of you in line.

16. Don’t Argue.

17. Know when to say something.

18. Know when to keep your mouth shut.

19. Don’t make Excuses.

20. Don’t sweat the small stuff

 

Makes sense… doesn’t it? Its alright to share some secrets… 

21. Eat Ice Cream

Thats mine 🙂  Can’t help it… Ice Cream makes me happy