Be well and grow

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How truly do we know ourselves?
It is true we must look closely.
We must analyze ourselves

We must let go of the past.
People seem too quick to judge others
Too slow to look upon themselves

Stop thinking of what others think.
What you believe
Is what you will be

Happiness can only come
From the truest part of your soul
Try to fool yourself
Achieve nothing

Question the negativity
Let it go
Doubt the negativity
It will go

Beliefs block communication
Beliefs influence your mind
Your mind is the translator to the soul

Be one
Be whole
Be well
Know…
Then you shall grow

Evolution of thought and conversation

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The perfect conversation… it sometimes begins with a moment of silence. A glance, or perhaps a daydream interrupted by reality… you are there, and the thought shyly enters the precipice of the mind… ready to take the plunge.

“Will I make an impact?” the thought softly thinks to itself…

“perhaps, lets give it a try”… 

The journey begins… “I wonder…” the thought formulates into reason.

“If you could travel to the end of the universe to learn one truth… to gain the meaning and reason behind one question… what would it be?”

The thought is satisfied… its part is finished in this journey… the rest is up to the mind. The evolution of the thought… the path it must journey to please the mind… 

 

They all sit, now fully aware that the journey is about to begin. The journey will be long and reach far beyond expectation… it always does… The time and energy spent will be rewarded with a smile, an understanding, a knowledge… the butterflies of the mind.

“Is there an Edward out there for me?”, the group understands… She speaks of Love… holding a connection with another so pure and beautiful it can only be defined by an intangible thought. Soul Mates… what a beautiful thought… to dream the potential of love… to feel the necessity and to hold hope… but what of Love… a love so pure it transcends… this question traveled to the ends of the universe to reach her mind… this question evolved into a discussion on Love, Hate, Need, Want… it evolved into a discussion on family and friends, reason and purpose… tis seemingly small thought touched the heart and mind softly, elegantly… 

 

“What makes it my time to go?” To speak of death… to find meaning in life… to learn to accept… or to fight to hold on… The group weighs the heaviness of this thought… the answers so quick to come, slow… We speak of lessons and explore our wants. We discuss achievement, losses, the trails we all face, our truths… do you believe we will know? Perhaps God knows…

 

“What is it all worth?” All sit, perplexed… a bit smug… how often have we thought this before… yet the answers flowed purely, with no sarcasm, spoken simply with true meaning… “the bottom line”, “moments”, or perhaps the moment of pure insight, “You won’t know until it happens”. Brilliant!

 

“Why do we learn more from pain? Pain becomes a scar, yet happiness is a memory.” A discussion turns into one of individual trials and triumphs. Evolves into the beauty of the thought… the truth in it… Learning, processing, taking all there is to take… This was deep.

 

“Why must we face fears, my greatest fear is…”  As the group descends down this painful path we all come to face with a fear… “loss of parent”, “not receiving love” “not living life” “coming up short, not living up to my potential” “relearning mistakes”… we all share and contemplate… There is a moment when we are unburdened by our fears… perhaps it came when we faced and looked into the darkest place of our souls… for we try so desperately to hide our fears… “perplexing, when we all must live with them… they affect no other than self… Why do we hide?”

 

I had my first meeting last thursday… as you can tell it went exceptionally well… I gained so much energy and knowledge it was amazing… Tomorrow I will be holding the second “perfect conversation club” meeting. I have already begun my journey with this,  it is hopefully going to be in my life for sometime. I share with you these questions and answers in hope that you share some of your own, both questions and answers. Look forward to a chat… Thanks for taking this journey with me!

To Know Love

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Have you ever needed something so badly your body rejects everything else… Your mind accepts no comfort… it almost feels as if your hear has been torn from your chest… Can you imagine this feeling? The hole… stretching from your lungs to the pit of your stomach… Empty. Hollow… Can you imagine the feeling? To believe it will never be healed.

Only when your mind accepts the pain. It will be dulled. 

Only when your body realizes the heart is missing will the hole be filled with blood and fire… A low burning never to be quenched by any thought or act… 

Only when the soul looks to find the heart… in desperate search will the mind and body begin to relive the pain… to feel again… to work together again…

Now answer me this… Imagine this hole… this loss… the void of something which has never been witnessed… only remembered… remembered by not the body, nor the mind… remembered only by the soul… the past forgotten… the past in a dream…

 

The veiled memory… the memory of a mirage… a memory which you never owned, never touched… yet it is there… beneath the surface. Within your reflection. Behind your hard facade. It is and always will be there.  The memory… Lost love… this is how you know… you can love…

Same mistakes

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Same Mistakes by James Blunt

So while I’m turning in my sheets
And once again, I cannot sleep
Walk out the door and up the street
Look at the stars beneath my feet
Remember rights that I did wrong
So here I go

Hello, hello

There is no place I cannot go
My mind is muddy but
My heart is heavy, does it show
I lose the track that loses me
So here I go

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

And so I sent some men to fight,
And one came back at dead of night,
Said “Have you seen my enemy?”
Said “he looked just like me”
So I set out to cut myself
And here I go

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

I’m not calling for a second chance,
I’m screaming at the top of my voice,
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice,
Cos I’ll just make the same mistake again,

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

And maybe someday we will meet
And maybe talk and not just speak
Don’t buy the promises ’cause
There are no promises I keep,
And my reflection troubles me
So here I go

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

I’m not calling for a second chance,
I’m screaming at the top of my voice,
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice,
Cos I’ll just make the same mistake (REPEAT) again

Oo oooooo ooo ooo oo oooo…

So while I’m turning in my sheets

And once again, I cannot sleep

Walk out the door and up the street

Look at the stars

Look at the stars, falling down,

And I wonder where, did I go wrong.

New Year Dreams…

Posted by enreal on

As many of you know I am always searching for the perfect conversation… it is the inspiration behind one of my dream books… I have been working on  4 different books… I dream of being published and have been working on becoming a published author (not very hard, but I am writing… I suppose that is the important part). It has always been a dream of mine… but alas, reality dictates I must work and earn a living for myself. How I would love to be at home and be able to write and read and learn my life away…

 

This year  I am trying to make one of my dreams a reality… I have journals and manuscripts and am self editing daily… keeping up with this world and my imaginary one is taxing, but I can not complain… I love to be here and in my mind… I prefer to be in my dreams, but we all know how real reality is… 

 

So back to my perfect conversations… I have had many… many have been written here on these journal pages… all of my friends from this medium have enriched my life beyond words… the insights shared here have outshone my work in many ways…and at many times. Thank you. 

 

This all came from my sisters recent visit… she was visiting from Florida. Her and I have perfect conversations at ease… we discuss life and purpose… happiness and meaning… we reach deep into sense and try to answer our minds… always when she leaves I feel disheartened. It is difficult to have a conversation with someone… let alone what I search for… the perfect conversation has to have that spark… that deep desire for knowledge… it should leave you with butterflies in your mind, like you have touched upon some wisdom, some deep knowledge… 

So I came up with an idea… it happened today at work… I was pondering a recent addition to my works and asked a friend for her thoughts… I began on my conversation hoping for some input , some spark… and it came… why not create the perfect conversation… make it a reality… create the setting, ambiance, and have a discussion… choose a topic and let it flow… it is research and it begins on Thursday!!! I invited some friends over and hope the magic will follow… I know it will… They have been informed that this is research… they have been informed that I need input … they have been willingly dragged into my scheme…  🙂

 

So now I drag you 🙂 I have made a list of topics to tackle… truth be told all I want is for them to think… to dive into their minds… let them give some input on their beliefs… on their thoughts… what makes them happy, sad… what would they ask if they had just one question… those kind of things. Should make for some fun… how often are we asked? So for anyone who is interested… what would you like to talk about… The Perfect Conversation Club

Discussions will follow…


I am excited… thank you for bearing with me over the past few weeks… it has been dark, but now I see the lights… it has come from all over… it has come from your hearts… I love all of you… Peace!

Sacrifice

Posted by enreal on

 

For my guardians,
are my friends,
my angels

For my angels,
show my path,
my destiny

For my destiny,
is my life,
my choice

For my choice,
is to feel,
to hurt

For to hurt,
is to live,
to love

For to love,
is to give,
to sacrifice

For to sacrifice,
is to accept,
to be

For to be
is the gift
to me

Ache

Posted by enreal on

The year is closing… another year… 

 

I sit here in silence, as always… I feel heavy. I try to describe my emotions in my poetry, in my writing. I try to be hopeful, yet I write behind a veil… afraid. There are days when time passes and I do feel hopeful, then there are days when I feel lost… it is the way…. it is my way… Being lost then found by small traces of hope… somewhere in my subconscious I tell myself… there is hope, you are more than you know… 

 

I sit here and wonder, as always… I have an ache in my chest. I try not to describe this in my poetry, in my writing… I do not wish to hide this tonight… I will not be afraid. There are times when I wish I had died as a child. As I should have, as I would have… This ache, is sadness… it is not for myself, nor for my life… it is for what is missing.  This ache is a void… it reaches deep within… from my chest to the deepest parts of my stomach… then it pulls deeper and higher… to my soul… away from my mind… My mind can always calm my fears, yet this ache is drawn so deep, it can not sleep… it will not leave… it is awake… it is my soul.

If the soul exists… if it can be torn… if it can be damaged… how can it be made whole? How can I feel this old so young? How can I feel this emptiness inside? How can I describe this? I am what I am… I have what I need. I have the love of others, I have the love for myself. I feel proud of who I am… Yet I know I can always hide within… I always have… I feel secure in this knowledge. I wish I could rest. 

 

I sit here and dream, as always… I dream the most beautiful dreams… this is where the ache began… and this is where it shall live for eternity… in my dreams… yet my dream is my reluctant reality… reluctance is alive with the fear that it is just a dream… this is my ache, this is my greatest fear… yet is it?

Dreams are true while they last, and do we not live in dreams?

ALFRED, LORD TENNYSON, The Higher Pantheism

I can hide no longer from my truth. I am what I am, I can not hide any longer. I yearn and ache for things that can not be. This heaviness, this ache… is my reality… I do not do this justice, this description… for this hollow, this melancholy… this is my acceptance. I accept, I shall not wait for my dreams. I shall live for tomorrow… I shall take this reality to my dreams and inquire… I shall share this truth with my soul and listen… I accept and I shall be patient… for what else can I be? What else can I be when I ask for so much? Patience… Acceptance… Faith

 

These are my thoughts…I do not wish to hide tonight… nor any longer… I wish to see myself again… I have lived with this pain for so long… I wonder how am I sill here… there is some purpose… patience…