Category Archives: Question Life

Disenchanted

Posted by enreal on

Perhaps she failed you, perhaps you failed me…

Perhaps I placed all my hopes in the most fragile of jars… watching, waiting as they teetered on the edge of the shelves in my mind

Perhaps I placed all my desires upon the wild flames only to have them cooled by the beautifully soft winds. Lightly and ever so gently she reduced them to embers and ashes which she carried delicately in her invisible arms

Perhaps all my dreams have vanished to another realm, another world, another place where they can dance and laugh and be free… for they do dance, laugh and are free somewhere… I can remember this for a second as my eyes smile to the morning light then slowly give passage to the reality of the day. The seeming finality of what is real… but what happens to that second, that glimpse… why must it be erased so quickly… when all I want to do is be there… why must it pass?

Why must she take them to her hidden reality.

She made you be present, disenchanted, aware.

If indeed you are, then I have failed too. For to break such hopes, to extinguish such desires, to forget such dreams… is sad.

To do these things is sad. It weighs heavy on my heart. I pray you understand.

She failed me too.

Yet I know not if you understand. To hear of your disappointment brings the fire to my heart… it is one of shame and disillusion. I dreamed you always by my side, guiding me, and now I want to hide as a child who is afraid of her shadow.

Why now? Why must I see this failure now? It is a failure to see reality and turn away, so for now I  shall wait with my shadows and ask of you, my victor… is it too late?

Why must I save you from her, if she is me and I am you?

Define me

Posted by enreal on

There she stood, on the edge of her reality, all the while knowing she could only wait.

She knew it was hers, no matter how she tried to focus and question the truths eluded her.

As if a paradox surrounded her, day and night, month and year, until all she could do was fade away.

 

“but why?”, she asked.

“because”, it answered.

And with that it ended, a new journey would start for another, and finish only when that one questions and refuses to accept just because. That does not define reality.

Stay

Posted by enreal on

What would say,

if I asked you to stay

And be with me

All of me

.

I Scream

Shout, Cry

I Lie

And one day soon, 

I shall Die

.

So will you?

Stay, I mean

Until the time,

when I get tired of you

.

Would you tire of me?

With all the tears,

I can’t tell how many years.

For it could be mere days and weeks

I don’t know

I wish I did,

for then you would be

partially free

.

Please

I’m lost

Would you guide me

through this maze

It is haunting and real

And nothing heals

there is too much to feel

. 

I rant

.

I can’t imagine where it began

Perhaps in the infinite end

Were you ever my friend

I can’t begin to descend

Until I know

.

This could be it.

This could be the beginning

Than Answer I chase

I’m on the edge of the world

lights coming and flowing

I know I am alone

Who shall carry this for me

if not by me

I know I am alone

.

Not even I 

would stay

There is my answer

In the shadows

Posted by enreal on

Tell me now

where you go

when I ignore you

. 

Are you alone

within your home

So I can’t see you

. 

And while you’re there

do you swear 

that I can’t hear you

. 

I promise you 

forever true

that I do need you

. 

The walls crumble and fade

yet there you remain

ever the same

For no one can break you

.

Not I 

For I have tried

all the while I cried

I do feel you

.

As a part thats been broken

that part is still inside

no matter how hard I try

cry

lie

Until I die

I will feel

hear

need

and

love

you

.

Be it ever the same

everyday

In the shadows you will stay

until the day

I can truly free you

.

I’m sorry

Internal apathy

Posted by enreal on

I was on a long drive the other day, reflecting on my “life”,

all the tears, struggles, complications…

then I saw them branch out to the people I loved…

I saw how it was their lives and struggles which touched me and weighed on me…

my conscience held my expectations… and I felt too guilty to live my life.

Wether it was my father, my sister, my love…

I never wanted to achieve or be happy…

I simply wanted to be there.

My problems and grievances are all my own,

I see that, I feel that, but I have become accustom to that feeling…

and as terrible as it sounds, I don’t really care, I just want it to make sense.

 

I wouldn’t want to call it altruism. I’m not a good enough person for that. I just want to want to stop worrying. I want everyone to be alright so I can be at peace. I don’t need anything more than peace. Others judge and see not the truth… perhaps if they saw,

perhaps if they could see,

this judgement weigh on me

perhaps then I would be free

of this worry.

Wondering once more, what it is  I am asking for. This question or statement on Judgement. Perhaps what I see is simply what I believe, and none of it is or was ever real.

My father was happy. I just saw him as sad.

My sister is not struggling. I just want her to have it all.

Her boys are alright. They wont for nothing, they are loved.

And me? Empathy?

No

Internal apathy

Yes

But once more my thoughts stray… As it began it shall end.
it was a long drive… I continue to reflect on life…

In Dreams

Posted by enreal on

How can we see
What we are meant to be?

As we drift away
To where subconscious plays

At the end of the day
It is in this way

We do see,
We are more free than can possibly be.

It is in this place
No body
No space

In our minds eye
We are truly divine

It is in this present life
We suffer all strife

We learn the lessons our mind holds
We fear not and shatter the souls mold

Exploring the  potential
Attempting the  impossible
Attracting the infinite
Decoding the reason

Why then this vision
Why then this way
Why then do we forget
In the beginning of the day?

Why does our mind shadow secrets
When the answers are already at hand

it is in the timeless grains of sand

may we never understand

Whether the beginning ends the day

It is in this way

For our mind must pass the test

Leaving the answers hidden at rest

For when they will arrive

Only time and mind decide

For now they shall be

Eternally

infinitely

Patiently

Remaining in dreams