Perhaps she failed you, perhaps you failed me…

Perhaps I placed all my hopes in the most fragile of jars… watching, waiting as they teetered on the edge of the shelves in my mind

Perhaps I placed all my desires upon the wild flames only to have them cooled by the beautifully soft winds. Lightly and ever so gently she reduced them to embers and ashes which she carried delicately in her invisible arms

Perhaps all my dreams have vanished to another realm, another world, another place where they can dance and laugh and be free… for they do dance, laugh and are free somewhere… I can remember this for a second as my eyes smile to the morning light then slowly give passage to the reality of the day. The seeming finality of what is real… but what happens to that second, that glimpse… why must it be erased so quickly… when all I want to do is be there… why must it pass?

Why must she take them to her hidden reality.

She made you be present, disenchanted, aware.

If indeed you are, then I have failed too. For to break such hopes, to extinguish such desires, to forget such dreams… is sad.

To do these things is sad. It weighs heavy on my heart. I pray you understand.

She failed me too.

Yet I know not if you understand. To hear of your disappointment brings the fire to my heart… it is one of shame and disillusion. I dreamed you always by my side, guiding me, and now I want to hide as a child who is afraid of her shadow.

Why now? Why must I see this failure now? It is a failure to see reality and turn away, so for now I  shall wait with my shadows and ask of you, my victor… is it too late?

Why must I save you from her, if she is me and I am you?

8 responses to “Disenchanted

  1. That is it…the glimpse, that sliver of brilliance, acceptance, love and bliss that if we are open to it get only fleeting moments of that place when dreams and truth are born…that liquid love moment so warm and comforting…peace. It is created in the mind and the trick is to transmute that dreamed bliss into action and open it upon our waking life and the world. To walk the edge…to have the courage to live our waking life fearlessly as in the dream. To let go of the layers that bind us from being and living our truth. I want to shout to society…stop making me hide my truth!..the love I so desperately want to show to all I meet..but I shrink in my fear of judgment and realize that it is not the world or anyone else creating my prison but it is I who am the jailor. Then the realization not to be so hard on myself, there is no failure or if there is, it only breeds success to those who wish to learn, because this IS the lesson to be learned. To embrace the dark and the light as equal players in the game. So be happy my dear to experience the shadow because there can only be shadow if there is light. Once we accept duality we can be whole. Please do not be discouraged love, instead be free to come out and play whether it be night or day.

    • I LOVE your words and energy! I know much of what you express, but my mind lets not my soul feel. knowing is easier than feeling, even understanding…

      indeed the jailor, and when i take up my keys to free but one I realize i forgot the one and shall spend eternity with my infinite keys trapped by a cell.

      It is up to the few, like yourself to show the illusion. thank you fort he glimpse and vision, t’was beautiful

  2. BEAUTIFUL…so, so beautiful are your words. All I can say is thank you..thank you so much for awaking me back to a first love, the love of dreams and emotion. It seems I have traveled too far into rationality and left my heart behind. Now it seems time to weave the two and create my waking dream. But I am scared of getting lost or thinking I am deluding myself. I must learn to accept that we each create our own reality. To trust my body and intuition and SHUT OFF the thinking mind of doubt.
    And thank you…for creating this safe place to play..

    • This made me smile Amanda, isn’t it amazing how distant the heart and mind can become, even soul and consciousness, reality and illusion, thinking and dreaming? Thinking is good, in this case you rationalize and know what it is you are actually doing, I think it is the illusion and self imposed reality that constricts us… for example, my views are different than yours, my views and way of thinking are “normal” . I feel and see things in a way uniquely my own and my universe is the only one that truly makes sense in my mind…

      Now one problem I have is trying to see how others think. Who’s to say that my “normal” is “normal”? Who’s to say which reality is real if not all?

      I shall think on this some more. Thank you Amanda for taking me into my mind… I must admit I have been on hiatus . See you soon!

  3. Transits of the mind,,,, How is it that we want to hold our thoughts as if
    they are in fact equal to reality? Everything we see in this reality, taste, touch, and feel eventually disappears. Everything is fluid and constantly changing, disappearing back into the source from which it came, to be reborn and return again, receding and returning. We are not separate.

    Returning to the deep well of unknowing… We are so much more than our thoughts, our opinions, what we believe and what we choose to hold on to. “I want to hold on to this thought because it makes me happy, or it makes me feel good.” How many times have I watched them fade away? Am I willing to admit I do not know? Opening to the vastness of empty space… To be free, truly free. Free from my own suffering. Liquid Love… Slow Love. Fire and Rain.

    There is so much beauty within, do not turn away… Be the shine of divine light, both our beginning and our ending.. To be who you are, something different from your shadow of yesterday rising behind you and your shadow of tomorrow coming ahead

    As all ways it seems Enreal, you touch the essence. Thank you for these blessings.

    The Peace of Wild Things
    When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
    ~Wendell Berry

  4. Stephen… what a beautiful reply. I actually just finished commenting on reality to Amanda and then read your beautiful words. they shine.

    your words are so full of intention and wisdom they radiate feeling. and THAT is beautiful. thank you for lending me your energy and enriching my words. And thank you for the beautiful quote

  5. You are able to see those two sides of you, you are blessed. There isnt a Fail in the real sense of the word. Fail is only because you didnt get the expected result. But then, how did you decide that that was the result the action had to bring?

    “why must it pass?” you ask…The same question I have asked many time and the only answer that echoes back is – That is the universal law of our lives. It is a very impartial law too, for everything – the things we enjoy and the ones we dont – is governed by that. That is the way, we move to where we are supposed to…cause it passed and now we must move on. Only Rocks stay stuck somewhere, nay! even they move, the wind or the waters will erode them, the earth shakes them up every now and then, someone will kick them, skip them in the water or take it home for a rock pet.

    There’s so much beauty in you, and its beautiful because you dont notice it. It will be More beautiful if you could see it. Its like watching a sunset into the ocean with someone you love – The sunset is More beautiful if both of you see it, feel it and enjoy it.

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