Category Archives: Angels

Only Questions

Posted by enreal on

I sit and ponder my journals for hours. Trying to make sense of the senseless questioning. That is what I do. I question. I question and turn the words into poetry (if I’m lucky), sometimes an essay (if it makes sense),and sometimes nothing at all (commonly). Simply words.

 Tonight is different. My journal is making me confused. I sit here unable to focus. There is a sense of sadness, melancholia, for nothing more than waiting. Waiting for the answers to the questions.  And then the thought emerges, “perhaps my answers are answered”. Did I think out loud? I suppose I did. 

Perhaps my answers are answered, I am simply unaware of the truth, or the answers to my queries. It seems I drift to a place in my mind where the line is blurred between reality and imagination. This place we all know… it is the place from which our dreams come and then go… We watch the dreams pass by, forgetting before the meaning has a chance to resonate. 

The answers are there… 

 

The shadow of awareness divided…

 

“why do I love?”

“why do I hate?” 

“what is the meaning of all which comes my way?”

“what is the reason to my questioning?”

“why be awake to a life with little to no meaning?”

Why indeed… 

What good comes from questioning? Existence. For what have you if not the questions? It is indeed fun, the thoughts which arise are important. They cause so much in the way of life, yet they leave you wanting, waiting, for a glimpse behind the shadow of awareness.

 

I have always been a believer, “a knower”. I know what I know… it has been a journey through and through. Be it God. Be it faith. Be it Life, Reason, Truth. It is my truth. It is… and I know.  I know the purpose is to question. Ask and keep asking…and then there are times when I stop, I stop and think and question some more…

 

“why are there only questions?”

 

This time spent questioning has filled my mind with memories. I remember the first time I thought about God. I remember when I was aware of life and death. I remember thinking about my Soul. My life. My philosophies. As all these things began to formulate into my beliefs… into who I am. I remember. I am happy to remember. To be able to think and question with no answers. To believe in who I am and all the crazy things I believe are real… I am happy. 

 

“why are there only questions?”

That’s why 🙂

Those Places

Posted by enreal on

My mind goes back.

Memory pays respect to those places

My heart goes back.

Melancholy carries on to those places

My soul speaks in tongues .

They open the gateways of shadow to those places

 

Kneeling

Before them in those places

They speak so clear

So clear I can hear

I can understand

I can understand their foreign tongue

In their foreign land

The land for which I long

The land from which I belong

 

My words do not come forward for I can not speak

I visit those places

The places from which we come

I wish to be home

My heart

My soul

MySelf

I

I shall say farewell to those places again

For now

But not for long

Connected

Posted by enreal on

modern-artists-21

 

Life with Death                              

Anger with acceptance

Peace with hate                              

Knowledge with ignorance

Happiness with despair                

Fear with freedom

Together yet alone                          

Purposeful yet lost

 

In the smallest of fragments we are one

In the most hidden particles we touch

In the most remote thoughts we meet

We may be blind

We may be deaf

We may be simple

We may be blessed


The war rages on… the battles fought for ignorance… the struggle for one to see… the veil and mirror break… one day we will see. Connected we may be…

The Path

Posted by enreal on

Walk the path

Let not the path go

Wait for guidance

Leave your soul to grow

 

The path a journey

The journey a path

Choices

Decisions

Try as you may never to ask

 

The cycle is infinite

Proving life is unlimited

Choices forsaken

Show the path never taken

 

Then comes the time

When we reach the end

Where the path winds to the sea

We walk solemnly to be

Where one sits and gazes to the horizon

Watching for the epiphany 

Counting the sands of time

All in all

The Path was kind

Sacrifice

Posted by enreal on

 

For my guardians,
are my friends,
my angels

For my angels,
show my path,
my destiny

For my destiny,
is my life,
my choice

For my choice,
is to feel,
to hurt

For to hurt,
is to live,
to love

For to love,
is to give,
to sacrifice

For to sacrifice,
is to accept,
to be

For to be
is the gift
to me

For My Father

Posted by enreal on

I sit here and wait… wait for the day. Thursday December 18th will be two years… Two years my since my father passed on… went home. The first year was the hardest I find… as time passed I learned to look at life and death differently. My views have changed, in part of his death and in part of what I see after his passing…

On Sunday I went to the cemetery… our family gathered for a memorial. During this time there was a prayer said… as I looked around all heads were bowed… jackets pulled tight, guarding … protecting from the cold… gazes sorrowful, melancholy heavy in the air…  the air carried bitter cold and sadness… and then,  then it happened… what I have been praying for… my sign… and I do believe it was… I felt warmth and my thoughts turned to him…  for a moment the seemingly overcast winter sky opened up… the sun shone brightly… I felt warm… I felt light… I looked around to see if anyone else felt the same… but alas… they missed my joy… one day they shall know what I know… believe what I believe… one day…


So today I say live and be thankful… live in the memories of those who passed… live with the knowledge of the memories we form today, with our loved ones… live with them and take thanks and know you are blessed with each and every moment… live with the feelings of wonder and uncertainty… for the uncertainty is life… so live with life… 

I shall always miss my father… I shall shed many more tears when milestones arrive, when I need his guidance… when I miss his presence… I shall weep for his passing, yet from now on they are my selfish tears… for I know now that he is here and he is always watching… I feel his love in me… the same love he shared with us… I shall share… 


My father loved me and my sisters… my nephew… and he would have loved my newest nephew… And we loved him. Life was hard for him and through it all he had always the greatest appreciation for it. I wish I had half the strength to live as he did, I wish I had half of the passion he had, I wish I had more time…

Dedication to my father

I know life had been hard on you
If I could have had just one wish
I would have carried your burden

Now I could only wish…
I could see your face again
Look upon your sad eyes

See your empty gaze
Hold your cold hands

Things haven’t been the same
When you left, you took the part of my soul that belonged to you

It took too long for me to understand
What we all belong to is something else

We belong to Life
Not the other way around.

Until we meet again…I love you daddy

 

The Man and His Sun

Oedipus From Time To Time

21 Days in Paradise/~ Day 20

21 Days in Paradise

 

These I wrote in dedication to my father

For Love of Father

A year

Unconditional Love