I sit here and wait… wait for the day. Thursday December 18th will be two years… Two years my since my father passed on… went home. The first year was the hardest I find… as time passed I learned to look at life and death differently. My views have changed, in part of his death and in part of what I see after his passing…
On Sunday I went to the cemetery… our family gathered for a memorial. During this time there was a prayer said… as I looked around all heads were bowed… jackets pulled tight, guarding … protecting from the cold… gazes sorrowful, melancholy heavy in the air… the air carried bitter cold and sadness… and then, then it happened… what I have been praying for… my sign… and I do believe it was… I felt warmth and my thoughts turned to him… for a moment the seemingly overcast winter sky opened up… the sun shone brightly… I felt warm… I felt light… I looked around to see if anyone else felt the same… but alas… they missed my joy… one day they shall know what I know… believe what I believe… one day…
So today I say live and be thankful… live in the memories of those who passed… live with the knowledge of the memories we form today, with our loved ones… live with them and take thanks and know you are blessed with each and every moment… live with the feelings of wonder and uncertainty… for the uncertainty is life… so live with life…
I shall always miss my father… I shall shed many more tears when milestones arrive, when I need his guidance… when I miss his presence… I shall weep for his passing, yet from now on they are my selfish tears… for I know now that he is here and he is always watching… I feel his love in me… the same love he shared with us… I shall share…
My father loved me and my sisters… my nephew… and he would have loved my newest nephew… And we loved him. Life was hard for him and through it all he had always the greatest appreciation for it. I wish I had half the strength to live as he did, I wish I had half of the passion he had, I wish I had more time…
Dedication to my father
I know life had been hard on you
If I could have had just one wish
I would have carried your burden
Now I could only wish…
I could see your face again
Look upon your sad eyes
See your empty gaze
Hold your cold hands
Things haven’t been the same
When you left, you took the part of my soul that belonged to you
It took too long for me to understand
What we all belong to is something else
We belong to Life
Not the other way around.
Until we meet again…I love you daddy
These I wrote in dedication to my father
Journals Of Enreal 
It will be two years since my mom died in February. Yes the first christmas without her was unbelieveably hard. I remember bawling like a baby as my brother sang “Amen” as he does every year at the christmas eve service. it was almost too much for me to even be there without her there. So much has changed with her passing…dad changed, my life changed…I lost my best friend, my guide for life. And I miss her everyday. I used to go to her niche where she is buried every day…never missed a day. But over time I found that I had to move forward and just know that she would want me to do that. I feel her with me often. I dream about her, which is actually kind of creepy sometimes. I’m not sure what this christmas will be like without her…hopefully a hair easier then the last one. But, I know what you felt..the warmth, the feeling of him being there with you. I know that feeling. I also know that mom is spending Christmas right where she would want to be…with the One that is the reason behind the holiday in the first place. That gives me peace. happy holidays to you!
~lwayswright~ I am happy you found your peace… I only hope this holiday is bright and blessed for you. Thank you for sharing your story… thank you for sharing your light… happy holidays to you
I have never experienced the death of a parent. I can’t begin to fathom what you feel. I can only send you hugs and my love and my warmth. You are lucky to have known that kind of relationship in your life. It is one I have never known.
~amber~ I know not which is more painful… I am sorry for my loss… but alas… to have known love or not… this is the more painful of realities… blessings to you my dear friend… may I send you my love as well…
You do have Half of his strength, and half of his passion, because always
Half of him will be with in you.
I loved what you wrote, loved what you felt in that moment of warmth.
And i thank you , for sharing That moment
that understanding.
It is a moment when you feel an Angel touch your shoulder.
It’s a piece
of peace.
many
many thanks…
and bright blessings…
~sorrow~ and here you are my angel… thank you for this… you placed a smile on my tired eyes… thank you for your blessings… I return them to you ten fold… namaste
My father died many years ago, and I have never really come to peace with it. Partly because of a broken relationship that never had the chance to heal.
The idea of dealing with the passing of a father is something I understand.
A strange synchronicity here, since I just had a dream about my dad yesterday. It set me off, like an itch you can’t scratch, all day. You words have the effect of a soothing slave…
~Necromancer~ this life is one large synchronicity… like attracts like… we face our lessons… I am sorry to hear about your father… I hope my words helped more than hurt…
Happiness despite of loss is neither a disrespect to the one you lost, nor the easy way out. It takes the most vigilance and amount of work, the biggest heart, and is EXACTLY what he wants for you. Give him the gift of your joy for life.
Enreal, I am certain that your father hears and feels your words. Beautiful poem. I only wish that I had memories of my father (who was and is absent all my life) as beautiful as yours.
~as i am~ I am blessed and pained at the same time… thank you for sharing your story with me…
A truly touching post. I feel so lucky that my own dad is still alive and strong.
~leafless~ we are individually blessed with different joys…
Thank you Enreal, My dad left when I was six and I haven’t seen him since, and have no idea where he is or what he looks like. Luckly though I live in a village so have lots of dads, but still wish maybe one day my real dad would turn up out of the blue and say hi ‘n’ stuff.
~fevah~ I believe what I said to Amber fits best… which loss is greater? there is no way of gaging pain… thank you for sharing your story
Beautiful, enreal.
My mother died 5 years ago and I have never fully resolved the pain of it. It is so important to love each other fully and wholly while we are incarnate in these bodies-you said it best.
~kalliope~ loss is a pain so profound it is inflicted by and for us… we control… perhaps its depth is self inflicted… so as we can learn from the pain… why do we hurt ourselves? They would want us to understand… to live and feel… to be happy… it is hard to imagine
A beautiful dedication to a man that seems out of story books, a father in the true sense of the word. You are blessed to have known him as he was blessed to have a daughter such as you. Hugs to you my dear friend, I know the pain you talk of, the angels hear all you ask for.
~sanity~ I hope so… thank you for sharing your life and story with mine…
How blessed you are to feel such love . . . I can’t believe the time has passed so quickly . . .It is a blessing that the memories remain. . . as they become so beautiful and full of life as time passes . . . they loose their sadness and become what they really are… My father died years ago . . . I now feel comfort in his memories. At one time, I could not bare to think of him without extreme sadness. . . . but now I feel his presence and his memory brings me joy. And yes, I still occasionally cry. . . but it’s not nearly as painful; and I’m able to feel the joy of our times together. . .
Blessings to you Enreal. . . PLL, CordieB.
((( Enreal )))
What a blessing to read this! Truly, your dad gave you a sign…and I felt the lightness in your words.
My dad still comes around every now and then…the faint smel of tobacco lets me know he’s there. I think that our loved ones are so much closer than we realize, at times. It’s not like they’ve gone away ‘out there’. It’s more like a thin veil seperating us.
Merry Christmas….Much love and peace to you and yours.
We have all lost something special and sacred at some moment in our lives…my thoughts and prayers are with you my friend…Life is a journey with no beginning…nor an end…
Merry Christmas
Cyrus Rumi
Dear, dear, dear Enreal,
Blessed are you for having made this journey. Blessed are you for feeling his presence and his love. He will always watch over you, keep you and guide you.
Have you ever read Many lives, many masters by Brian Weiss. It may help you heal and feel completely at peace with his passing.
With Love, Norea