Category Archives: Life

All I want is…

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“All I want is to recieve what I deserve…”

One  must be careful for what one asks for…  

Who determines what one recieves… do we? And if so… how can I place this judgement upon myself, how can I be objective? And yet, how can I ask someone outside of my life to understand my needs? How could I trust in another? This would put each as individuals in charge and responsible for our actions… we would be responsible and held accountable to ourselves. It is easy to put blame in an outside world, an outside force. “It is out of our hands” so to speak. It is easy to blame others for what is lacking, it is simpler to lose focus and watch, rather than take action and responsibility…

All I want is what I deserve…

Do I deserve happiness… whose to say if not I?

Do I deserve peace? Whose to say if not I?

Do I deserve pain? Whose to say if not I….

Could one be unbiased? Could one rise above individual needs? Could you? I know not, in this time and place… if I could.

Mush

Posted by enreal on

What do I want to write about?  This seems to be the issue of the moment. I have been sitting here working on five different essays… all revolving around a similar point. A point which I fail to see…Intelligence, Judgement, Worth, Purpose and Meaning. While all the issues are large and complex… I find myself going back and forth between them.  One thought comes to mind, then lapses… finding it seemingly hard to make a point for argument, a point of reason or any point at all… Mush…

I sit here, coffee in hand,  listening to the rythm of the background music (aka elevator music), watching the locals enter the coffee shop, I drift… to and fro in the mush… my words, people, seemingly unrelated movements, seemingly unconnected realities… what makes these thoughts evolve… what makes this essay take shape?

Couples young and old lazily conversing… The father out for an early dinner with his daughter, individuals wrapped in thought, the employees seemingly busy behind the counter are as detached from their work as I am from mine… 

Then there are the technologies practically attatched to the bodies of so many… distractions.  Some sit and do as I do, write (or try to)… some listen to their music, some sit and watch their computers… some sit and read… some simply eat and stare off into their universe. Interesting to see so many different realities… so many connections made with little or no awareness of myself. I sit and write about my surroundings, about all the strangers I do not know… and yet I do know them in my world… I imagine their lives from their actions, from their behaviors and from my thoughts, my imagination…  observing is what makes these situations real in my world. For how else can I experience it without imagining it…  seemingly unrelated movements, seemingly unconnected realities… are connected for my mind. Here in my universe all the randomness makes sense, all the chaos is explained to my curious mind…

Mush…

I wonder what point I am trying to make… perhaps sometimes there is no point at all… perhaps sometimes  we must simply observe and imagine… perhaps the unrelated and unconnected are not and we simply fail to see

Or perhaps it is just mush…

Those Places

Posted by enreal on

My mind goes back.

Memory pays respect to those places

My heart goes back.

Melancholy carries on to those places

My soul speaks in tongues .

They open the gateways of shadow to those places

 

Kneeling

Before them in those places

They speak so clear

So clear I can hear

I can understand

I can understand their foreign tongue

In their foreign land

The land for which I long

The land from which I belong

 

My words do not come forward for I can not speak

I visit those places

The places from which we come

I wish to be home

My heart

My soul

MySelf

I

I shall say farewell to those places again

For now

But not for long

Connected

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modern-artists-21

 

Life with Death                              

Anger with acceptance

Peace with hate                              

Knowledge with ignorance

Happiness with despair                

Fear with freedom

Together yet alone                          

Purposeful yet lost

 

In the smallest of fragments we are one

In the most hidden particles we touch

In the most remote thoughts we meet

We may be blind

We may be deaf

We may be simple

We may be blessed


The war rages on… the battles fought for ignorance… the struggle for one to see… the veil and mirror break… one day we will see. Connected we may be…

The Path

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Walk the path

Let not the path go

Wait for guidance

Leave your soul to grow

 

The path a journey

The journey a path

Choices

Decisions

Try as you may never to ask

 

The cycle is infinite

Proving life is unlimited

Choices forsaken

Show the path never taken

 

Then comes the time

When we reach the end

Where the path winds to the sea

We walk solemnly to be

Where one sits and gazes to the horizon

Watching for the epiphany 

Counting the sands of time

All in all

The Path was kind

Be well and grow

Posted by enreal on

 

How truly do we know ourselves?
It is true we must look closely.
We must analyze ourselves

We must let go of the past.
People seem too quick to judge others
Too slow to look upon themselves

Stop thinking of what others think.
What you believe
Is what you will be

Happiness can only come
From the truest part of your soul
Try to fool yourself
Achieve nothing

Question the negativity
Let it go
Doubt the negativity
It will go

Beliefs block communication
Beliefs influence your mind
Your mind is the translator to the soul

Be one
Be whole
Be well
Know…
Then you shall grow

Evolution of thought and conversation

Posted by enreal on

The perfect conversation… it sometimes begins with a moment of silence. A glance, or perhaps a daydream interrupted by reality… you are there, and the thought shyly enters the precipice of the mind… ready to take the plunge.

“Will I make an impact?” the thought softly thinks to itself…

“perhaps, lets give it a try”… 

The journey begins… “I wonder…” the thought formulates into reason.

“If you could travel to the end of the universe to learn one truth… to gain the meaning and reason behind one question… what would it be?”

The thought is satisfied… its part is finished in this journey… the rest is up to the mind. The evolution of the thought… the path it must journey to please the mind… 

 

They all sit, now fully aware that the journey is about to begin. The journey will be long and reach far beyond expectation… it always does… The time and energy spent will be rewarded with a smile, an understanding, a knowledge… the butterflies of the mind.

“Is there an Edward out there for me?”, the group understands… She speaks of Love… holding a connection with another so pure and beautiful it can only be defined by an intangible thought. Soul Mates… what a beautiful thought… to dream the potential of love… to feel the necessity and to hold hope… but what of Love… a love so pure it transcends… this question traveled to the ends of the universe to reach her mind… this question evolved into a discussion on Love, Hate, Need, Want… it evolved into a discussion on family and friends, reason and purpose… tis seemingly small thought touched the heart and mind softly, elegantly… 

 

“What makes it my time to go?” To speak of death… to find meaning in life… to learn to accept… or to fight to hold on… The group weighs the heaviness of this thought… the answers so quick to come, slow… We speak of lessons and explore our wants. We discuss achievement, losses, the trails we all face, our truths… do you believe we will know? Perhaps God knows…

 

“What is it all worth?” All sit, perplexed… a bit smug… how often have we thought this before… yet the answers flowed purely, with no sarcasm, spoken simply with true meaning… “the bottom line”, “moments”, or perhaps the moment of pure insight, “You won’t know until it happens”. Brilliant!

 

“Why do we learn more from pain? Pain becomes a scar, yet happiness is a memory.” A discussion turns into one of individual trials and triumphs. Evolves into the beauty of the thought… the truth in it… Learning, processing, taking all there is to take… This was deep.

 

“Why must we face fears, my greatest fear is…”  As the group descends down this painful path we all come to face with a fear… “loss of parent”, “not receiving love” “not living life” “coming up short, not living up to my potential” “relearning mistakes”… we all share and contemplate… There is a moment when we are unburdened by our fears… perhaps it came when we faced and looked into the darkest place of our souls… for we try so desperately to hide our fears… “perplexing, when we all must live with them… they affect no other than self… Why do we hide?”

 

I had my first meeting last thursday… as you can tell it went exceptionally well… I gained so much energy and knowledge it was amazing… Tomorrow I will be holding the second “perfect conversation club” meeting. I have already begun my journey with this,  it is hopefully going to be in my life for sometime. I share with you these questions and answers in hope that you share some of your own, both questions and answers. Look forward to a chat… Thanks for taking this journey with me!