Colors

 

Tell me the world wouldn’t be better with fields of colors.

 

Moving, radiating with the perfection of the mind.

 

Exploding int he spectrum of thought.

 

Elapsing with the fragments of time…

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False truths to know

Is it all in my head,

the miseries, insecurities, doubts?

Did they leave me,

or did I close them out?

Should I have fought,

for the other reasons ?
(Should I have heard them out?)

 

Perhaps it was me,

perhaps I am the one to blame.

Yet though it all,

I would listen just the same.

I begged and pleaded for one to make it clear.

Yet no one would show me

I saw them turn and disappear

(At least that’s how it seems)

 

Tell me it’s all in my head, please.

Every time I face a fear, I win.

Yet the fears within rage and shall always take my place

On the center of the stage

I wait

alone

with my false stories and reasons that drive me insane

My reasons have a name

It breathes with the same

Purpose

 

Self Worth

through silence

Image

Only through silence I will see

The dawn breaking in front of me

Its colors vivid,

though I remain blind

The light so timid,

in the shadows of my mind

~

Why have I silenced my soul

Heard it shout though always I know

That it was I who broke the dawn

I listened to it sing

its final song

The voice is gone

~

It shall remain undone

Until Silence has won

Be silent and know

that in truth, you beleive it dead

know the truth in its stead

Silence speaks volumes

Time speaks

What say the time… when love becomes divine

When the spirit breaks… leaving behind the wake

The ripples upon water

The shallow darkness falters

`

What say the time… when knowledge leaves the mind

When the body trembles… chasing the passages of death

The passages of birth

The breeze escapes the deepest depth

The echos carried upon the softest of breath

`

What say the time… when the heart slows the spirit

When the soul loosens… the hold is free

It aches in remembering… it beats for life

It awakens… it forgets

`

What say the time… upon the sacred hour

When the mind and body see

When love and knowledge are mirrored

When the Heart and soul are free

The veil is lifted

The mirror reflects

The knowing that has been there

The knowledge held with care

The mind, the heart, the spirit, the soul… all hold pieces… perhaps they shall see

Upon the sacred hour

Forever shall they be free

For now Time is silent

Listen to be heard

chasing dreams

“Too much reading has me chasing dreams,” She sighed as she realized this was her story.

This was her truth. She would read and imagine and live and breathe in the words, breathe in the worlds. Since she could remember she believed she was special, different even. She accepted and reveled in her secrets. She would smile when daydreaming, imagining the different fantasies unfolding in her mind. She would envision perfect situations and conversations, so often that on somedays she would blend reality and her mind.

She waited for her dreams, yet years came in their stead. She waited for her dreams to live, for she always believed they were magic, her magic. She waited but as the years came and went they left her the gift of doubt. Doubt to her was not feared, it simply saddened her. And that’s when she found her truth, that’s when she realized as she read the words,

“it’s alright”

~

Inspired by George R.R. Martin “A Dance with Dragons”

p.452

“Do you like to read books …”

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, the man who never reads lives only one”

I have escaped into my words for years. I have lived, loved, laughed, cried, and even died. I have seen so many worlds that if this is all that my life has to give me, it truly would be alright. I am blessed with my dreams, though they haunt me I know that they are my gift. And for now they remain on the pages of books.

What do you believe in?

If you truly search deep inside you will find what you believe in… and you will understand why.

God

There is this woman I know, she is not very close to me, yet she is in my life. Sometimes she shows herself as good and other times she shows an ugliness that is not acceptable. I will tell you a short, sad story.

When my father passed away we sat and talked, she wasn’t trying to console me, she was simply thinking out loud. She spoke of her fathers’ passing [25 years prior] and how she feared death. She is religious in a conventional way, yet I came to find out she doesn’t believe in God. The sadness I felt for my situation turned into a sadness for her. I tried to ask her and find a reasoning, yet there was none. She simply didn’t believe. As I went about trying to deliver the beauty I find, even in the darkest of times, in the few minutes of attention I had left with her, she told me not to bother “I simply don’t believe, when we die, that’s all there is”. I have thought back on that conversation many a times. No matter my hardships or my doubts, I am blessed to have what I have…

This was brought on by a dream I had. This woman is older than me by at least 30 years. I dreamt that she was dying, I came to find her and she appeared to be choking. No one would help her, they were letting her die… but there was something there in her fear filled eyes that forced my need to help, and there were signs that gave me clues on how to… really, really bizarre… it was the fear… it was the fear that made me want to give her more time… give her time to find something, anything… if not God, then at least Peace

It is a sad and scary thing when you are alone with no personal truths.

Love

I believe in love. A simple statement. I believe in love because I feel it. I’m not referring to romance or desire, those are your mind. I’m talking about soul bearing  love.  The type of love you feel deep inside. When you look at your loved ones and truly think about how much you need them. How much you love them.

(There’s a lot of love in that paragraph, sorry)

When you think of the ones you have lost, and your heart is throbbing and it feels as if it will never abate. You miss them and it feels as if your heart is breaking… that is love.

Love comes in many forms, some of which are not happy. It can cause many things, some which can cause pain. I believe in Love, it is probably, in my opinion one of the greatest forces which exist.

We all know love in some form, if we try to understand it… it simply grows.

I was going to say life, because I do believe in life. I believe in the majesty and wonder. I believe that it is not all chance. I believe that we should cherish and truly see what we have before us. It is magic. So I could have said I believe in magic, or perhaps an enchantment with the surrounding worlds, but I chose existence.
You see we are alive, we are all breathing, living, thinking creatures. But all this matters not if we are unaware. Awareness is Existence. One day we will be gone, some will have had children, others will have had friends, the time spent will be remembered. But as all things eventually fade and memories turn to histories with little reference to the everyday person.
 I believe in Existence, they kind you are consciously aware of. In the end, all you have is you and your experiences, your love and your memories.
I could go on with all the things I believe in, yet I know that most are due God, Love and Existence. So I thank these three and leave them be.
What do you believe in?

Can you hear them?

How could one understand my words? Make sense of the ramblings which flood my head and spill onto these pages in chaos. They are everywhere, connections, fragments, meaningless words which form songs which sing in tunes and harmonies that I choose to ignore. Until the sounds become to loud.

 

Here they are flowing as a river. Not raging, nor tranquil. They are littered.

Here they sing as a breeze. Not gentle, nor harsh. They simply drift, and still they make no matter, no matter how I choose to ignore, or create, they are and always will be here. A blessing, which I shun, and with that is my punishment.

 

Worthless

I know.

How can one understand my words? I guess they make sense to me.

Can you hear them?