Senses Fail

612789_sadangel

I

Hiding behind their luminescent veil

Eyes gather

Their senses fail

Do you see her?

Down on her knees

Do you feel her?

All the while ignoring her pleas.

She is here

Waiting for you

She is dying

But this you knew

For this she waited

Your heart

Your mind

She is within you

Or are you blind

While she cried

By your minds door

While she died

On your hearts floor

II

Dying

Breathing

Lying

Seeing

Matter not her eyes to you

The tears fragment a broken view

Then dawn and dusk collide

Pressing time and space aside

Leaving all to wonder why

It all began

When she cried

While she died

All who waited for her

Behind the veil

All who passed judgement

Their senses failed

III

Then she was born

Once more

Living for you

nevermore

Forgetting the senses

she never bore

Forgiving the reality

she swore

to

leave

behind

forever more

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the sound of dreams

Lucid-Dream-1

There was a time when I remembered.

Paid conscious thought to the mind and eagerly waited for my dreams at night.

The nights dawned with the most lucid of dreams.

The vivid colors and brilliant possibilities.

Freedom.

Awareness.

Fearless.

Divine.

Now the time is passed and I wait for the nights in hope and anticipation for a glimpse of the possibility to live.

Even for  a moment, as I have done for eternity.

All that I dreamed and thought of myself has faded with the image I held of my world.

My dreamscape

My escape

My one chance to be safe…

I chose and I faltered for the reality of my truths

What have I now but truths.

I forsake them

I don’t want them

Why then must I have them…

Leave me be

Alone with the sounds of my dreams

Giving Thanks

I am thankful for my health

I didn’t always have it

I am thankful for my home

It wasn’t always perfect and it still isn’t but I’m thankful

I am thankful for my family

They are safe, they have homes, they are loved

I am thankful that I have the ability to get up and go to work

I am thankful that I have the ability to provide for those who need me

I am thankful that I will be able to look at myself one day,

be happy for all that I am,

and know it is because I am thankful.

it is because I can see…

There are countless faces

Millions of places

Where life is life

With or without circumstance

and change is hard coming

Many have nothing to be thankful for

Be thankful and see

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. 
Oprah Winfrey 

Searching

I am wandering down the halls of my mind… There are doors I keep wanting to open. The ghosts of experiences that are crying for my attention. I recall them, then I slam them shut. I would rather run, than face them, even one. I built the walls, strong. Never once letting them falter, never once letting them down.

 The people.

The places.

The thoughts.

The spaces.

*

They made me… yet I made myself…

They shaped me… yet I overcame myself

Through loss and gain, my thoughts made me sane.

I played the game… and ever did I change.

First and above all Dad.

L and J, was it me or was it them?

The ground where it burned

The home which was always cold.

I didn’t belong.

I still don’t.

Yet now I’m home, and the ghosts are crying for my attention.

*

I listen as I write, waiting for what I am trying to say. Yet the thoughts remain the same.

I know what I overcame, yet that which made me  is slowly driving me insane…

*

I know the answer, yet I don’t want to hear…

It is in there, trying to form itself clear…

Is it me?

Please answer my fears…

it is, but its ok

False truths to know

Is it all in my head,

the miseries, insecurities, doubts?

Did they leave me,

or did I close them out?

Should I have fought,

for the other reasons ?
(Should I have heard them out?)

 

Perhaps it was me,

perhaps I am the one to blame.

Yet though it all,

I would listen just the same.

I begged and pleaded for one to make it clear.

Yet no one would show me

I saw them turn and disappear

(At least that’s how it seems)

 

Tell me it’s all in my head, please.

Every time I face a fear, I win.

Yet the fears within rage and shall always take my place

On the center of the stage

I wait

alone

with my false stories and reasons that drive me insane

My reasons have a name

It breathes with the same

Purpose

 

Self Worth