Senses Fail

612789_sadangel

I

Hiding behind their luminescent veil

Eyes gather

Their senses fail

Do you see her?

Down on her knees

Do you feel her?

All the while ignoring her pleas.

She is here

Waiting for you

She is dying

But this you knew

For this she waited

Your heart

Your mind

She is within you

Or are you blind

While she cried

By your minds door

While she died

On your hearts floor

II

Dying

Breathing

Lying

Seeing

Matter not her eyes to you

The tears fragment a broken view

Then dawn and dusk collide

Pressing time and space aside

Leaving all to wonder why

It all began

When she cried

While she died

All who waited for her

Behind the veil

All who passed judgement

Their senses failed

III

Then she was born

Once more

Living for you

nevermore

Forgetting the senses

she never bore

Forgiving the reality

she swore

to

leave

behind

forever more

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the sound of dreams

Lucid-Dream-1

There was a time when I remembered.

Paid conscious thought to the mind and eagerly waited for my dreams at night.

The nights dawned with the most lucid of dreams.

The vivid colors and brilliant possibilities.

Freedom.

Awareness.

Fearless.

Divine.

Now the time is passed and I wait for the nights in hope and anticipation for a glimpse of the possibility to live.

Even for  a moment, as I have done for eternity.

All that I dreamed and thought of myself has faded with the image I held of my world.

My dreamscape

My escape

My one chance to be safe…

I chose and I faltered for the reality of my truths

What have I now but truths.

I forsake them

I don’t want them

Why then must I have them…

Leave me be

Alone with the sounds of my dreams

The sound of light

dark-room-light-through-window-hunched-man1Awakened to the sound of the light. It rang true through the night. It beckoned for me to follow. It granted me sight. Determined as I was, as always my right. But am I? Is it? What chance have I in this fight?

 

Light is the savior, yet darkness embraced me so long. It sheltered me and comforted me. It gave me its home. In silence and contemplation I felt not alone. In the dark I found my soul. In the dark I found my home. Yet now it’s time for me to go.

 

Why then Do I want to stay, why then does my body and mind turn away. From the light I wish to sway, yet tell me not this day. I am wrong, it is not my home. It is not the way. It is not the chance I yearned for. It is not the only way.

 

It is blinding. It burns. It has a way of taking and making turns. I will wait. Perhaps follow, perhaps stay. I will not go nor decide this very minute, perhaps neither this day nor the next. When it’s time I shall go, for now light, leave me alone.

The reason

Everything changes into the same.

People and places forgetting their names.

Once upon a time, there was a reason

Now it is a season

Of my Life.

 

There is a reason why I am writing, though it eludes me now. I want to express something, though I can’t name it. I can’t see it. I can’t touch it. I can only feel it… they say to feel your words. I do. Yet I can not write.

 

It isn’t writing block. I can write. I just don’t want to. I used to dream that my words mattered… I would write for people… those who wanted to read… even if was just me. Throw my words into the horizon and let them be found… like a guiding star… I would write because I thought that someone needed to hear my thoughts… I would write because I thought that one day someone might need them… yet now… I don’t even want them…

 

I do yet I don’t… I don’t because I failed them… as I failed myself… I need my words, yet I turn away… again and again and again.

 

There is a reason why I am writing… it is because I need to. I will write again… I need to be patient and focus on why

All the years lead to this…

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
I’m getting Married!!!!
I’m going to miss you being there dad!