Category Archives: Reality

The reason

Posted by enreal on

Everything changes into the same.

People and places forgetting their names.

Once upon a time, there was a reason

Now it is a season

Of my Life.

 

There is a reason why I am writing, though it eludes me now. I want to express something, though I can’t name it. I can’t see it. I can’t touch it. I can only feel it… they say to feel your words. I do. Yet I can not write.

 

It isn’t writing block. I can write. I just don’t want to. I used to dream that my words mattered… I would write for people… those who wanted to read… even if was just me. Throw my words into the horizon and let them be found… like a guiding star… I would write because I thought that someone needed to hear my thoughts… I would write because I thought that one day someone might need them… yet now… I don’t even want them…

 

I do yet I don’t… I don’t because I failed them… as I failed myself… I need my words, yet I turn away… again and again and again.

 

There is a reason why I am writing… it is because I need to. I will write again… I need to be patient and focus on why

All the years lead to this…

Posted by enreal on
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
I’m getting Married!!!!
I’m going to miss you being there dad!

Giving Thanks

Posted by enreal on

I am thankful for my health

I didn’t always have it

I am thankful for my home

It wasn’t always perfect and it still isn’t but I’m thankful

I am thankful for my family

They are safe, they have homes, they are loved

I am thankful that I have the ability to get up and go to work

I am thankful that I have the ability to provide for those who need me

I am thankful that I will be able to look at myself one day,

be happy for all that I am,

and know it is because I am thankful.

it is because I can see…

There are countless faces

Millions of places

Where life is life

With or without circumstance

and change is hard coming

Many have nothing to be thankful for

Be thankful and see

Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough. 
Oprah Winfrey 

Searching

Posted by enreal on

I am wandering down the halls of my mind… There are doors I keep wanting to open. The ghosts of experiences that are crying for my attention. I recall them, then I slam them shut. I would rather run, than face them, even one. I built the walls, strong. Never once letting them falter, never once letting them down.

 The people.

The places.

The thoughts.

The spaces.

*

They made me… yet I made myself…

They shaped me… yet I overcame myself

Through loss and gain, my thoughts made me sane.

I played the game… and ever did I change.

First and above all Dad.

L and J, was it me or was it them?

The ground where it burned

The home which was always cold.

I didn’t belong.

I still don’t.

Yet now I’m home, and the ghosts are crying for my attention.

*

I listen as I write, waiting for what I am trying to say. Yet the thoughts remain the same.

I know what I overcame, yet that which made me  is slowly driving me insane…

*

I know the answer, yet I don’t want to hear…

It is in there, trying to form itself clear…

Is it me?

Please answer my fears…

it is, but its ok

See

Posted by enreal on

What does God see?
How does He feel?
If you could be with Him,
How would you feel?
Would you feel proud?
Or perhaps weak?

If you had to explain the situations of today?
Yes there is good in people…
Yes there is hope out there…
There is Faith…
Belief…
Benevolence…

Is that enough to shade the indifference?
How would the doubt be hidden?
What of wars and malevolence?

That is on our shoulders
In our conscience
And we should be ashamed
No, we can not fix the world
We can become aware

To question what God feels
To think of what He sees
To think that He does not understand all aspects
To not believe in the reasons
He holds the reasons
We learn from His reasons

We are guided by His intentions

Not forced, nor lead

Simply shown a possible way

Let us be more aware
And less blind
Let us become more like Him
Let us not lose the vision

Nor the hope we declare to Him

Boundaries

Posted by enreal on

In the beginning I sink
,

Slow…

yet as fast as sound and the mind.

Deep down into an abyss,

Hidden…

Buried with time.

A feeling…

Thoughts form before my wandering eyes.

Yet they are closed. They know…


Incomplete…

Moments elude …

They grace what knowledge knows.

As if pieces are missing from my soul

Taken…

Hidden…

in plain sight

*

Panicking I feel holes in my heart.

Throbbing and alive.

My soul.

I know.

I must go to fill these holes.

Dull the subtle pain

Yet this moment finds me insane

*

All I ever needed


I misplaced along the way

As I backtrack

I miss the path

Further and further I go


I can not find my heart

I can not find my soul

I scream

My screams are muted

Muted by a place that is beyond sound

Movement in the distance I see


I run

My legs moving as fast as permitted

So fast

In this place there are no rules

I can fly

*

In the distance I see over the hills

Pieces of my soul are there

The holes from my heart

But the darkness produces shadows

I want to see clear figures in the opaque sky

I want to dance with the shadows of the moon

I want to put in words what I see


Simultaneous and Impossible

I need to complete my soul

I need to finish this dream

*

Every moment of this place collapses

My dream retracts

Back and forward

It is understood

somewhere

just not here

In a world where there are no boundaries


In a moment that spans a lifetime


I understand

My dream culminates with a realization

Not taken

Simply Free

In this place with no boundaries

*

Just in time for the journey back to my slumbering body


My soul weary

Yet happy

Solace found for my mind

With my souls completion

My heart and soul alight

With Love

With Knowledge

But was it real?

As I dreamed it?

Or perhaps I was the dream

Of chaos

In this place with no boundaries

it reaches me

*

sometimes I wonder what it is I really am thinking.

sometimes I wonder what it is I really am feeling.

sometimes it just makes no sense. it makes me tired.

~enreal