Senses Fail

612789_sadangel

I

Hiding behind their luminescent veil

Eyes gather

Their senses fail

Do you see her?

Down on her knees

Do you feel her?

All the while ignoring her pleas.

She is here

Waiting for you

She is dying

But this you knew

For this she waited

Your heart

Your mind

She is within you

Or are you blind

While she cried

By your minds door

While she died

On your hearts floor

II

Dying

Breathing

Lying

Seeing

Matter not her eyes to you

The tears fragment a broken view

Then dawn and dusk collide

Pressing time and space aside

Leaving all to wonder why

It all began

When she cried

While she died

All who waited for her

Behind the veil

All who passed judgement

Their senses failed

III

Then she was born

Once more

Living for you

nevermore

Forgetting the senses

she never bore

Forgiving the reality

she swore

to

leave

behind

forever more

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The sound of light

dark-room-light-through-window-hunched-man1Awakened to the sound of the light. It rang true through the night. It beckoned for me to follow. It granted me sight. Determined as I was, as always my right. But am I? Is it? What chance have I in this fight?

 

Light is the savior, yet darkness embraced me so long. It sheltered me and comforted me. It gave me its home. In silence and contemplation I felt not alone. In the dark I found my soul. In the dark I found my home. Yet now it’s time for me to go.

 

Why then Do I want to stay, why then does my body and mind turn away. From the light I wish to sway, yet tell me not this day. I am wrong, it is not my home. It is not the way. It is not the chance I yearned for. It is not the only way.

 

It is blinding. It burns. It has a way of taking and making turns. I will wait. Perhaps follow, perhaps stay. I will not go nor decide this very minute, perhaps neither this day nor the next. When it’s time I shall go, for now light, leave me alone.

All the years lead to this…

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet
I’m getting Married!!!!
I’m going to miss you being there dad!

Searching

I am wandering down the halls of my mind… There are doors I keep wanting to open. The ghosts of experiences that are crying for my attention. I recall them, then I slam them shut. I would rather run, than face them, even one. I built the walls, strong. Never once letting them falter, never once letting them down.

 The people.

The places.

The thoughts.

The spaces.

*

They made me… yet I made myself…

They shaped me… yet I overcame myself

Through loss and gain, my thoughts made me sane.

I played the game… and ever did I change.

First and above all Dad.

L and J, was it me or was it them?

The ground where it burned

The home which was always cold.

I didn’t belong.

I still don’t.

Yet now I’m home, and the ghosts are crying for my attention.

*

I listen as I write, waiting for what I am trying to say. Yet the thoughts remain the same.

I know what I overcame, yet that which made me  is slowly driving me insane…

*

I know the answer, yet I don’t want to hear…

It is in there, trying to form itself clear…

Is it me?

Please answer my fears…

it is, but its ok

Boundaries

In the beginning I sink
,

Slow…

yet as fast as sound and the mind.

Deep down into an abyss,

Hidden…

Buried with time.

A feeling…

Thoughts form before my wandering eyes.

Yet they are closed. They know…


Incomplete…

Moments elude …

They grace what knowledge knows.

As if pieces are missing from my soul

Taken…

Hidden…

in plain sight

*

Panicking I feel holes in my heart.

Throbbing and alive.

My soul.

I know.

I must go to fill these holes.

Dull the subtle pain

Yet this moment finds me insane

*

All I ever needed


I misplaced along the way

As I backtrack

I miss the path

Further and further I go


I can not find my heart

I can not find my soul

I scream

My screams are muted

Muted by a place that is beyond sound

Movement in the distance I see


I run

My legs moving as fast as permitted

So fast

In this place there are no rules

I can fly

*

In the distance I see over the hills

Pieces of my soul are there

The holes from my heart

But the darkness produces shadows

I want to see clear figures in the opaque sky

I want to dance with the shadows of the moon

I want to put in words what I see


Simultaneous and Impossible

I need to complete my soul

I need to finish this dream

*

Every moment of this place collapses

My dream retracts

Back and forward

It is understood

somewhere

just not here

In a world where there are no boundaries


In a moment that spans a lifetime


I understand

My dream culminates with a realization

Not taken

Simply Free

In this place with no boundaries

*

Just in time for the journey back to my slumbering body


My soul weary

Yet happy

Solace found for my mind

With my souls completion

My heart and soul alight

With Love

With Knowledge

But was it real?

As I dreamed it?

Or perhaps I was the dream

Of chaos

In this place with no boundaries

it reaches me

*

sometimes I wonder what it is I really am thinking.

sometimes I wonder what it is I really am feeling.

sometimes it just makes no sense. it makes me tired.

~enreal

 

False truths to know

Is it all in my head,

the miseries, insecurities, doubts?

Did they leave me,

or did I close them out?

Should I have fought,

for the other reasons ?
(Should I have heard them out?)

 

Perhaps it was me,

perhaps I am the one to blame.

Yet though it all,

I would listen just the same.

I begged and pleaded for one to make it clear.

Yet no one would show me

I saw them turn and disappear

(At least that’s how it seems)

 

Tell me it’s all in my head, please.

Every time I face a fear, I win.

Yet the fears within rage and shall always take my place

On the center of the stage

I wait

alone

with my false stories and reasons that drive me insane

My reasons have a name

It breathes with the same

Purpose

 

Self Worth