Awakened to the sound of the light. It rang true through the night. It beckoned for me to follow. It granted me sight. Determined as I was, as always my right. But am I? Is it? What chance have I in this fight?
Light is the savior, yet darkness embraced me so long. It sheltered me and comforted me. It gave me its home. In silence and contemplation I felt not alone. In the dark I found my soul. In the dark I found my home. Yet now it’s time for me to go.
Why then Do I want to stay, why then does my body and mind turn away. From the light I wish to sway, yet tell me not this day. I am wrong, it is not my home. It is not the way. It is not the chance I yearned for. It is not the only way.
It is blinding. It burns. It has a way of taking and making turns. I will wait. Perhaps follow, perhaps stay. I will not go nor decide this very minute, perhaps neither this day nor the next. When it’s time I shall go, for now light, leave me alone.
What if Reality
or that Hope can float
safely to shore?
What if Faith
only dark truths
within her blinding
white, bright, smile?
What if Tomorrow
considers himself free
and has no desire
to form any ties
to past or present?
What if Tomorrow wakes
in bed with the present,
intertwined in a dream
that Faith envisioned
long before she smiled
invitingly, and offered her hand
to the hand of Hope
who stepped carefully
onto dry land once again,
looking Reality square in the eyes
before lifting her gaze to face
a new destiny?
Both Sides Now, by Joni Mitchell
I am wandering down the halls of my mind… There are doors I keep wanting to open. The ghosts of experiences that are crying for my attention. I recall them, then I slam them shut. I would rather run, than face them, even one. I built the walls, strong. Never once letting them falter, never once letting them down.
They made me… yet I made myself…
They shaped me… yet I overcame myself
Through loss and gain, my thoughts made me sane.
I played the game… and ever did I change.
First and above all Dad.
L and J, was it me or was it them?
The ground where it burned
The home which was always cold.
I didn’t belong.
I still don’t.
Yet now I’m home, and the ghosts are crying for my attention.
I listen as I write, waiting for what I am trying to say. Yet the thoughts remain the same.
I know what I overcame, yet that which made me is slowly driving me insane…
I know the answer, yet I don’t want to hear…
It is in there, trying to form itself clear…
Is it me?
Please answer my fears…
it is, but its ok
In the beginning I sink ,
yet as fast as sound and the mind.
Deep down into an abyss,
Buried with time.
Thoughts form before my wandering eyes.
Yet they are closed. They know…
Moments elude …
They grace what knowledge knows.
As if pieces are missing from my soul
in plain sight
Panicking I feel holes in my heart.
Throbbing and alive.
I must go to fill these holes.
Dull the subtle pain
Yet this moment finds me insane
All I ever needed
I misplaced along the way
As I backtrack
I miss the path
Further and further I go
I can not find my heart
I can not find my soul
My screams are muted
Muted by a place that is beyond sound
Movement in the distance I see
My legs moving as fast as permitted
In this place there are no rules
I can fly
In the distance I see over the hills
Pieces of my soul are there
The holes from my heart
But the darkness produces shadows
I want to see clear figures in the opaque sky
I want to dance with the shadows of the moon
I want to put in words what I see
Simultaneous and Impossible
I need to complete my soul
I need to finish this dream
Every moment of this place collapses
My dream retracts
Back and forward
It is understood
just not here
In a world where there are no boundaries
In a moment that spans a lifetime
My dream culminates with a realization
In this place with no boundaries
Just in time for the journey back to my slumbering body
My soul weary
Solace found for my mind
With my souls completion
My heart and soul alight
But was it real?
As I dreamed it?
Or perhaps I was the dream
In this place with no boundaries
it reaches me
sometimes I wonder what it is I really am thinking.
sometimes I wonder what it is I really am feeling.
sometimes it just makes no sense. it makes me tired.