Category Archives: dreams

Dreams of Love

Posted by enreal on

Dream/ 1: a series of thoughts, images or emotions occurring during sleep 2: a dreamlike vision 3: something noted for its beauty, excellence, or enjoyable quality 4: ideal
Dream/ 1: to have a dream of 2: to indulge in daydreams or fantasies 3: imagine

During night or day, during sleep or relaxation, we drift… sometimes we see another world where our lives are different…sometimes we see our lives perfect…or simply we dream. We dream of ideal circumstances… believing in all, and all believing in us as if everything we believe doesn’t exist at all.
They say we need our dreams, that short time when we slip into unconsciousness, we need that time to take hold of our emotions and funnel them into the belief that there is something else that exists.

The truth of the matter is we dream, we visualize and conceptualize life, circumstances upon circumstances which in most cases makes little to no sense at all. Yet, we are told to, “read into our dreams”, “interpret and analyze” the hell out of them, until we see an elephant as an admission of guilt for hating our mothers, or something as ridiculous as that. Dreams are an escape, or a gateway to that life which we seek. Dreams enable us to be that hero we naturally are not, to fly which naturally we can not do, or to be as we would never be. I live for my dreams; they are my gateway to heaven.

I dreamed a dream so full of passion…unconventional passion for life, and love… it made me want to die for I fear shall never feel that ever again… or worse, forget the reality of it…

Passion/ 2: strong feeling; also Pl: the emotions are distinguished from reason 3: RAGE, ANGER 4: LOVE; also; an object of affection or enthusiasm 5: sexual desire- passionate.

What other word could hold such a large variety of meaning? One definition would capture the huge scope of human plight and want all at once. Passion is what we seek for fulfillment in life, whether it is passion for what we do and create or passion for what we are and who we love.

This dream is simple, to feel passion for love, passion for life. To want to know of love as in the stories. To want to be the damsel in distress saved by some prince charming, simply because we all need love. We all need to feel. We are given such a short time, before the sun sets on our horizon we need to reach for more, forget about loss and capture what there is to gain. There is always love. To believe in love…

Love

Love 1: strong affection 2: warm attachment 3: an attraction based on sexual desire 4: a beloved person
Love 1: CHERISH 2: to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness for 3: CARESS 4: to take pleasure in

The types of love we seek daily, love from…parents, spouses, lovers, colleagues, friends, co-workers, and even strangers.

We seek love everyday, we need to be felt for the way we feel for others. Even the most cold hearted will feel love for something, crudely put, an example being money if nothing else.

Sometimes you need to see the truth in order to move forward. This is simple. I believed that there was no love out there, only what you read about or saw in the movies. In the past it seemed that there was a possibility for love, chivalry and romance. In today’s society there is only desire for sex and emptiness in romance. If love songs and movies are for the dreamers and do not exist out of the scope of these fictional things, then answer why we listen, or why we watch, or why everyday we hope?

This arose from a dream… A dream of love lost… a dream of love found… a dream of no love at all… but alas it was just a dream… and like all dreams, you eventually wake…

Let us venture into dreams once again… it is safe… if only for another infinite journey through love lost

chasing dreams

Posted by enreal on

“Too much reading has me chasing dreams,” She sighed as she realized this was her story.

This was her truth. She would read and imagine and live and breathe in the words, breathe in the worlds. Since she could remember she believed she was special, different even. She accepted and reveled in her secrets. She would smile when daydreaming, imagining the different fantasies unfolding in her mind. She would envision perfect situations and conversations, so often that on somedays she would blend reality and her mind.

She waited for her dreams, yet years came in their stead. She waited for her dreams to live, for she always believed they were magic, her magic. She waited but as the years came and went they left her the gift of doubt. Doubt to her was not feared, it simply saddened her. And that’s when she found her truth, that’s when she realized as she read the words,

“it’s alright”

~

Inspired by George R.R. Martin “A Dance with Dragons”

p.452

“Do you like to read books …”

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, the man who never reads lives only one”

I have escaped into my words for years. I have lived, loved, laughed, cried, and even died. I have seen so many worlds that if this is all that my life has to give me, it truly would be alright. I am blessed with my dreams, though they haunt me I know that they are my gift. And for now they remain on the pages of books.

Hiding judgement

Posted by enreal on

Why can’t I feel the rational? I understand and acknowledge my reality, yet I don’t feel it.

I should be happy, but I deny it.

I should feel fortunate, yet I curse myself.

I should see my surroundings, yet they appear dark and muddled.

I should hear the sounds of life, yet I focus on mortality.

I sabotage my happiness. I know I do it too. I can’t help it, I feel a guilt behind contentment. I see so many around me suffering. I feel peoples pain, I sense peoples wants and desires, and want for none. There is no altruism there, none behind, I am not that generous, yet I would rather be unhappy. It’s easier I think.

Can someone make sense of this? I sit here shaking my head, wondering as my fingers type the words you read, what the hell is wrong with me. If I wanted to I could be happy. I could close my eyes and live in my life. I could forget all the hardships I have faced, handled and seen… I could ignore my self imposed responsibilities, my work and my need for control over everyones life… trying to achieve perfection when none is needed, expect for my own perception. I see situations and want so much to fix them, but why, are they truly broken?

Is there happiness and love?

Yes. Then why would that need to be fixed?

Are they in need of salvation?

Or are your insecurities and guilt showing their lives in a light that meets not your expectations.

Who are you to judge when it is you who preaches? Who are you to try to change others when you can’t change yourself. How can you bring happiness when it is you who denies it?

 

A blessing befell me recently, yet I hide it… I think it is easier than claiming happiness, yet is it causing pain that I do not acknowledge it? It is my future, the source of my life to be… who would hide that?And why?

SIlent Queen

Posted by enreal on

What does she know that I do not?

Perched upon her throne. Silent. Watching.

What does she see that I do not?

For I know she sees far and great visions. I envision such wonders which others would have to travel oceans and mountains to have but a moment of her clarity… what is her sight?

What does she feel that I do not?

For I have seen her still, statuesque. I wonder at the emptiness. Yet at times, when she smiles, it is magnificent, it melts the ice from within my frozen chest. It is almost a wonder within itself to see her change from distant to present. When she acknowledges you, she comes alive. Then there is only you in this universe.

Once I sat before her, in private audience. Seeking her secrets, wanting her ways. I watched and waited. Finally after what seemed a silent eternity she regarded me.

“Yes. You want to be what I am. Yet you desire something which I can not grant. It would destroy you. Bring your mind into chaos. Perhaps your soul into darkness. It is something which you must journey for as a child and as a soul”

“You see me empty, for this beauty is simply a shell. When I smile it is my soul you see. When I laugh it is the sounds of silence you hear”

She sighed, “You want to be what I am for the wrong reasons. You are a child. Envious of attention and greedy for knowledge. Knowledge is free my dear. You must simply try.”

Then there came a new day in a different year in an all together different life. I sat beside her. It seems so long ago, yet it was simply another yesterday, or perhaps it is another now. Time seems to change in her presence… she spoke to me in words so simple, yet I knew. What I thought I knew… I dreamed in my mind with her listening…

“I know you horde your ways. I know you hide your visions… You can not grant sight for it is too much to bear… yet you do it beautifully… it simply isn’t fair”

“Try. Simply try.” I thought stubbornly, mockingly. “Why try when it seems so close? You are there. I am here. I want to know!”

Then thunder silenced my mind. I turned in awe as the throne shook and the grounds beside her quaked. There she was with eyes as she regarded me in the minds space.

“I have listened. For years. As you wanted to know. As a child. You are stubborn. Yet I see you need this.

For I regarded you and gave you your path. I taught you my ways and showed you my light. I tried for you, for I saw myself in you.

Once there was a girl. That was me. I followed the path. Followed the ways. It broke me. Silenced me. Made me collapse and blinded me.

Yet as I lay on the earth dying. I was reborn. Reborn with sight and solace.

It was my journey which made me. It was my will which taught me. It was my mind which molded me. It was my soul which guided me.

You simply wish to reach the destination with no journey. Is this the truth?”

With the thunder subsiding from my mind. I built up my courage and said, “Yes”.

They say silence is deafening… I believe the same for her  laughter… the next moment she was beside me. our universe seemed to be shadowed. For we were there, yet we were in the shadow. I regarded her, then my other self. I was still and empty.

“Do you see?”

Then she reached her finger and touched my third eye, my mind’s eye. I felt it open. Instantly the pain over took any other emotion. It was not physical. It was the sounds, the colors, the millions of people, millions of emotions… possibilities, realities, searching, journeys, truth, deceit, lies, happiness, sadness, joy, sorrow, death, birth, life, knowledge…. it was infinity. It was too much…

“STOP!!! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!”

“Have you seen enough? I showed you less than anyone has ever even begun to see with eyes open. I let you feel all which you could have begun to feel on your own had you journeyed the life… Had you have had your way. I would have left you with my sight, my knowledge, my emotions and you would have gone mad. It is more than holding infinity… it is the manner in which you seek and obtain it.

I know not how long I sat in silence. I was alone. She was there, yet had returned to her silence. I was ready to return. The question is now… would I journey the journey. Would I wish to have her sight. her knowledge, her emotions? I began to walk away from the throne. Staring at my feet, as I was in deep thought. I heard her through my mind’s eye. I turned and stared at her. She looked so sad. So empty. So alone. I was humbled and ashamed. Yet I knew.

I would journey the journey.

With that she smiled. It was inward, yet I saw it shine.

Happy New Year

Posted by enreal on

To all my friends who visit these pages…

I wish to impart blessings and good fortune in the upcoming year.

Thank you for a beautiful year of conversations and light…

words of wisdom shared here will be eternal in my soul

Thoughts and laughter

Tears and silence

Eternal

Thank you

A

Fresh

New

Year

Blessings to all!

Youth is when you’re allowed to stay up late on New Year’s Eve. Middle age is when you’re forced to. ~Bill Vaughn

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves. ~Bill Vaughan

Many people look forward to the new year for a new start on old habits. ~Author Unknown

A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. ~Author Unknown

Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man. ~Benjamin Franklin

No one ever regarded the First of January with indifference. It is that from which all date their time, and count upon what is left. It is the nativity of our common Adam. ~Charles Lamb

What do you believe in?

Posted by enreal on

If you truly search deep inside you will find what you believe in… and you will understand why.

God

There is this woman I know, she is not very close to me, yet she is in my life. Sometimes she shows herself as good and other times she shows an ugliness that is not acceptable. I will tell you a short, sad story.

When my father passed away we sat and talked, she wasn’t trying to console me, she was simply thinking out loud. She spoke of her fathers’ passing [25 years prior] and how she feared death. She is religious in a conventional way, yet I came to find out she doesn’t believe in God. The sadness I felt for my situation turned into a sadness for her. I tried to ask her and find a reasoning, yet there was none. She simply didn’t believe. As I went about trying to deliver the beauty I find, even in the darkest of times, in the few minutes of attention I had left with her, she told me not to bother “I simply don’t believe, when we die, that’s all there is”. I have thought back on that conversation many a times. No matter my hardships or my doubts, I am blessed to have what I have…

This was brought on by a dream I had. This woman is older than me by at least 30 years. I dreamt that she was dying, I came to find her and she appeared to be choking. No one would help her, they were letting her die… but there was something there in her fear filled eyes that forced my need to help, and there were signs that gave me clues on how to… really, really bizarre… it was the fear… it was the fear that made me want to give her more time… give her time to find something, anything… if not God, then at least Peace

It is a sad and scary thing when you are alone with no personal truths.

Love

I believe in love. A simple statement. I believe in love because I feel it. I’m not referring to romance or desire, those are your mind. I’m talking about soul bearing  love.  The type of love you feel deep inside. When you look at your loved ones and truly think about how much you need them. How much you love them.

(There’s a lot of love in that paragraph, sorry)

When you think of the ones you have lost, and your heart is throbbing and it feels as if it will never abate. You miss them and it feels as if your heart is breaking… that is love.

Love comes in many forms, some of which are not happy. It can cause many things, some which can cause pain. I believe in Love, it is probably, in my opinion one of the greatest forces which exist.

We all know love in some form, if we try to understand it… it simply grows.

I was going to say life, because I do believe in life. I believe in the majesty and wonder. I believe that it is not all chance. I believe that we should cherish and truly see what we have before us. It is magic. So I could have said I believe in magic, or perhaps an enchantment with the surrounding worlds, but I chose existence.
You see we are alive, we are all breathing, living, thinking creatures. But all this matters not if we are unaware. Awareness is Existence. One day we will be gone, some will have had children, others will have had friends, the time spent will be remembered. But as all things eventually fade and memories turn to histories with little reference to the everyday person.
 I believe in Existence, they kind you are consciously aware of. In the end, all you have is you and your experiences, your love and your memories.
I could go on with all the things I believe in, yet I know that most are due God, Love and Existence. So I thank these three and leave them be.
What do you believe in?

These are senses

Posted by enreal on

Do I need to be blind in order to see?

Do I need to be deaf in order to hear?

Numb to feel

Fear death to start living

It would suffice to say I fear life more so that I do death… there are so many possibilities, so many futures which lie down so many paths

Limitations are given by choice
Boundaries offer little guidance
These are the sealed paths
Doorways within blocked walls

These are the impossible
These are the challenges of strength
These are the tests of faith
These are the roads we take

To experience
To be here
To breathe
To be anywhere

These are the gifts
These are the signals

They are the destinies

They are more alive than we will ever be

They are more free than we choose to be

Blind. Deaf. Numb. Dead

These are senses