What does she know that I do not?
Perched upon her throne. Silent. Watching.
What does she see that I do not?
For I know she sees far and great visions. I envision such wonders which others would have to travel oceans and mountains to have but a moment of her clarity… what is her sight?
What does she feel that I do not?
For I have seen her still, statuesque. I wonder at the emptiness. Yet at times, when she smiles, it is magnificent, it melts the ice from within my frozen chest. It is almost a wonder within itself to see her change from distant to present. When she acknowledges you, she comes alive. Then there is only you in this universe.
Once I sat before her, in private audience. Seeking her secrets, wanting her ways. I watched and waited. Finally after what seemed a silent eternity she regarded me.
“Yes. You want to be what I am. Yet you desire something which I can not grant. It would destroy you. Bring your mind into chaos. Perhaps your soul into darkness. It is something which you must journey for as a child and as a soul”
“You see me empty, for this beauty is simply a shell. When I smile it is my soul you see. When I laugh it is the sounds of silence you hear”
She sighed, “You want to be what I am for the wrong reasons. You are a child. Envious of attention and greedy for knowledge. Knowledge is free my dear. You must simply try.”
Then there came a new day in a different year in an all together different life. I sat beside her. It seems so long ago, yet it was simply another yesterday, or perhaps it is another now. Time seems to change in her presence… she spoke to me in words so simple, yet I knew. What I thought I knew… I dreamed in my mind with her listening…
“I know you horde your ways. I know you hide your visions… You can not grant sight for it is too much to bear… yet you do it beautifully… it simply isn’t fair”
“Try. Simply try.” I thought stubbornly, mockingly. “Why try when it seems so close? You are there. I am here. I want to know!”
Then thunder silenced my mind. I turned in awe as the throne shook and the grounds beside her quaked. There she was with eyes as she regarded me in the minds space.
“I have listened. For years. As you wanted to know. As a child. You are stubborn. Yet I see you need this.
For I regarded you and gave you your path. I taught you my ways and showed you my light. I tried for you, for I saw myself in you.
Once there was a girl. That was me. I followed the path. Followed the ways. It broke me. Silenced me. Made me collapse and blinded me.
Yet as I lay on the earth dying. I was reborn. Reborn with sight and solace.
It was my journey which made me. It was my will which taught me. It was my mind which molded me. It was my soul which guided me.
You simply wish to reach the destination with no journey. Is this the truth?”
With the thunder subsiding from my mind. I built up my courage and said, “Yes”.
They say silence is deafening… I believe the same for her laughter… the next moment she was beside me. our universe seemed to be shadowed. For we were there, yet we were in the shadow. I regarded her, then my other self. I was still and empty.
“Do you see?”
Then she reached her finger and touched my third eye, my mind’s eye. I felt it open. Instantly the pain over took any other emotion. It was not physical. It was the sounds, the colors, the millions of people, millions of emotions… possibilities, realities, searching, journeys, truth, deceit, lies, happiness, sadness, joy, sorrow, death, birth, life, knowledge…. it was infinity. It was too much…
“STOP!!! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!!!”
“Have you seen enough? I showed you less than anyone has ever even begun to see with eyes open. I let you feel all which you could have begun to feel on your own had you journeyed the life… Had you have had your way. I would have left you with my sight, my knowledge, my emotions and you would have gone mad. It is more than holding infinity… it is the manner in which you seek and obtain it.
I know not how long I sat in silence. I was alone. She was there, yet had returned to her silence. I was ready to return. The question is now… would I journey the journey. Would I wish to have her sight. her knowledge, her emotions? I began to walk away from the throne. Staring at my feet, as I was in deep thought. I heard her through my mind’s eye. I turned and stared at her. She looked so sad. So empty. So alone. I was humbled and ashamed. Yet I knew.
I would journey the journey.
With that she smiled. It was inward, yet I saw it shine.
I believe in angels.
With all my heart.
M.L. I know you do… I think its because somewhere inside you know you are one.
I love your description of your confrontation with a Higher Being, or perhaps another facet of yourself. The Journey is where we find heartache and joy as well as ignorance and wisdom. It is so much about the Journey and so little about the destination. Wonderfully presented.
Hawk. I love how you see into my words. It is like life and all the possibilities it can hold. Thank you for seeing
“When I laugh it is the sounds of silence you hear”
That line, among others, reminds me of your poem “These are the senses” (I think that was the name). Anyway, I really enjoyed this piece, Enreal. It reminds me of the tv show “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” because the main character struggles to find balance and unity in all things. Harmony over dissonance.
The problem is having the patience to learn.
sage words my friend! Patience is a virtue. Balance is a key. Thank you for your words and for remembering.
I came upon your site because I once went on a vision quest and the tribe gave me the name ‘sees far’. So I just decided to Google ‘sees far’ to see what came up and your beautiful picture of the Silent Queen came up with the caption: “For I know she sees far and great visions”..I was intrigued so clicked on your link, and as I read your poem I began to cry because what the Queen says: “You simply wish to reach the destination with no journey” is exactly how I live my life and so desperately want to change. I want to learn to be present in each moment and know that each moment is what is important. I’m too busy rushing things through to get to the end. All I can say is thank you so much for posting such beautiful words. And I am continually amazed at what life brings when we open to the flow of acceptance, love, abundance and grace. I printed your words and will use them as a daily reminder to live in each moment and “journey the journey”
Love and bliss to you fellow traveler
Dear Amanda, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and journey… a vision quest… I could only dream of accomplishing such an amazing experience. I too was on my way, once upon a time, I too journeyed, tired to hold my purpose for a moment, then I lost it. May your dreams be fulfilled and may you see far ( i believe you already do)… and may our paths cross again. thank you for your words, they gave me a memory back.
You still have your purpose..where you are is exactly where you need to be..you touch many lives. We are far greater then we could even imagine ourselves to be, but we must travel through ego it seems to reach our true essence once again. For we only see ourselves as reflected views from others. Touched by the moment of a dream. The fear of flight. I’m lost in the mind of inaction. Seeing far without the courage to to step out of the box. Standing many times on ‘the edge’ and having to run away. Life is created by the mind but only through action does it become ‘real’. May we break through the armouring of false ego and fear, if only for a moment to bask in the ‘true light’. Please excuse my ramblings. May you live your dreams as well and more Being of light and love. Thank you for your reply.
Your words mirror my thoughts. One day we will see what we need to see. Thank you Amanda