Category Archives: Conversations

Turn Back

Posted by enreal on

Once upon a time I was unique… I spoke words true and laughed in the face of doubt… I was strong.

Once upon a time I was whole… I felt with my soul and spoke with my mind… Now my soul cries and my tears die… I was wrong.

Once upon a time I made a choice… I turned away and let them stray… they were my words… they were my songs… now I find I am all alone…

Once upon a time I said these words. It was the beginning of the end and now that end is gone. It disappeared and I fear my actions are unjustified… they can not change time… no matter how hard I try… I’m sorry doesn’t suffice

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Posted by enreal on

It’s come down to this… I’m tired of the constant facade. The smiles and handshakes… the pleasantries and false securities… I don’t mind them terribly, but I’m tired of them. I am who I am, and I’m not a bad person. I do what I  do and give my all to all. I take care of others when all fail me, and I don’t care… I just want to be left alone. Leave me be.

Why must people judge and watch? I don’t care what others do. I have too many things to worry about. I don’t care what other people say. I have too much to listen to in my own mind…

There have been a lot of changes in my world, some for the better and some for the worse… yet the worst I can say is that I’m tired. I know I should count my blessings and it sickens me how I often I am using “I’ and “me” in this rant… but alas… it is but a rant…

Tomorrow will be today and I shall continue to tire, until I finally give in to my surroundings. Let us hope I keep myself, for I have lost parts of me that I miss terribly.

 

Until we meet again,

Enreal

 

 

 

 

Chaos

Posted by enreal on

“…this world is beyond chaos, nothing makes sense.”

I was having a conversation the other day with someone who was very upset, with reason.  This stuck in my mind. Chaos. I have written about her many a time, yet here, in summary was my reply.

“In a world full of life we know chaos exists…
is it the confused unorganized state before the creation of distinct forms…
or is it something more.

Can we describe life as chaos?
Life in itself is more than a word,
a thought or even a reality.

Life like God can not be described at all.
Life is a state higher than human consciousness.
Life is a state of being beyond human comprehension.

Like God, life is a gift.
A gift that is not confused,
but focused.

It is organized and exists beyond us.
Life is beautiful.
Chaos does not apply.”

 

We like to blame anything or everything. Can we blame the way we feel? Does that make sense? Perhaps it does, yet should we? I don’t think so. We might feel the need to blame, or simply we might need to feel what we feel. Either way this was my conversation, give or take a philosophy or two.

 

Thanks for reading,

Enreal

Dreams of Love

Posted by enreal on

Dream/ 1: a series of thoughts, images or emotions occurring during sleep 2: a dreamlike vision 3: something noted for its beauty, excellence, or enjoyable quality 4: ideal
Dream/ 1: to have a dream of 2: to indulge in daydreams or fantasies 3: imagine

During night or day, during sleep or relaxation, we drift… sometimes we see another world where our lives are different…sometimes we see our lives perfect…or simply we dream. We dream of ideal circumstances… believing in all, and all believing in us as if everything we believe doesn’t exist at all.
They say we need our dreams, that short time when we slip into unconsciousness, we need that time to take hold of our emotions and funnel them into the belief that there is something else that exists.

The truth of the matter is we dream, we visualize and conceptualize life, circumstances upon circumstances which in most cases makes little to no sense at all. Yet, we are told to, “read into our dreams”, “interpret and analyze” the hell out of them, until we see an elephant as an admission of guilt for hating our mothers, or something as ridiculous as that. Dreams are an escape, or a gateway to that life which we seek. Dreams enable us to be that hero we naturally are not, to fly which naturally we can not do, or to be as we would never be. I live for my dreams; they are my gateway to heaven.

I dreamed a dream so full of passion…unconventional passion for life, and love… it made me want to die for I fear shall never feel that ever again… or worse, forget the reality of it…

Passion/ 2: strong feeling; also Pl: the emotions are distinguished from reason 3: RAGE, ANGER 4: LOVE; also; an object of affection or enthusiasm 5: sexual desire- passionate.

What other word could hold such a large variety of meaning? One definition would capture the huge scope of human plight and want all at once. Passion is what we seek for fulfillment in life, whether it is passion for what we do and create or passion for what we are and who we love.

This dream is simple, to feel passion for love, passion for life. To want to know of love as in the stories. To want to be the damsel in distress saved by some prince charming, simply because we all need love. We all need to feel. We are given such a short time, before the sun sets on our horizon we need to reach for more, forget about loss and capture what there is to gain. There is always love. To believe in love…

Love

Love 1: strong affection 2: warm attachment 3: an attraction based on sexual desire 4: a beloved person
Love 1: CHERISH 2: to feel passion, devotion, or tenderness for 3: CARESS 4: to take pleasure in

The types of love we seek daily, love from…parents, spouses, lovers, colleagues, friends, co-workers, and even strangers.

We seek love everyday, we need to be felt for the way we feel for others. Even the most cold hearted will feel love for something, crudely put, an example being money if nothing else.

Sometimes you need to see the truth in order to move forward. This is simple. I believed that there was no love out there, only what you read about or saw in the movies. In the past it seemed that there was a possibility for love, chivalry and romance. In today’s society there is only desire for sex and emptiness in romance. If love songs and movies are for the dreamers and do not exist out of the scope of these fictional things, then answer why we listen, or why we watch, or why everyday we hope?

This arose from a dream… A dream of love lost… a dream of love found… a dream of no love at all… but alas it was just a dream… and like all dreams, you eventually wake…

Let us venture into dreams once again… it is safe… if only for another infinite journey through love lost

In the SImplest of terms

Posted by enreal on

In simplest terms.

Life n. 1. Capacity for growth, functional activity, and continual change until death. 2. Living things 3. A period during which life lasts 4. A state of existence as an individual 5. Individual’s actions or fortunes

As we know it…

Change n. 1. Making or becoming different 3. New experience or variety 4. Substitute for one thing for another (change of scene)

As we’ll have it…

Chaos n. 1. complete disorder or confusion 2.The behavior of systems that follow deterministic laws but appear random and unpredictable.

As it truly is…

Existence n. 1. fact or condition of being or existing

As it very well may be…

Exist n. 1. have a place in objective reality 2. occur; be found 3. Continue in being; live

As we do what we must…

Reality n. 1. What exists or is real or underlies appearances

As we try to understand…

Life as we know it is an amazingly beautiful chain of events. Those who can grasp its potential are especially fortunate. For most people will live without question and without wonder and accept the simplest terms without hesitation and want. But those who want are more than most; they accept and encourage the road ahead, and with open arms welcome change.
Change is an important part of our existence. Over the centuries and our lives we have evolved as people and have welcomed the coming knowledge each day brings. Changes we face day to day offers guidance. Guidance is offered without our requesting it, and although sometimes we feel as though there is no purpose to the chaos, we find its beauty buried within ourselves.

As we awake everyday and face each hour without certainty of what will be, we make certain choices and accept certain things as they are. For those things are what life is, they are larger than you and me and are essential. Life, is larger than the individual, it is huge and yet it is so small as to connect each and every one of us on the most basic level.

Life as we know it

change as we’ll have it

Chaos as it truly is

Existence as it very well may be


Exist as we do what we must, reality as we try to understand

That is in the simplest of terms

Contradiction

Posted by enreal on

there you were, before me

your eyes looked into my soul.

I know,

though I can not share this with you.

I know,

though I wish I could tell you.

I know,

as I know your eyes can see my soul.

I can see and I know.

~

the tear which erupted from your eye was but single

it forced its way fast, for it knew it would be cast aside

one quick stroke and it vanished.

you have become comfortable with tears,

a comfort no one should face.

your hand reacts automatically,

though your mind knows not its track.

it is sad.

~

the  hollowness

parallels the life

which shines

how can eyes be bright and dull simultaneously?

how can beauty be so sad?

how can I see your soul?

tell me,

please.

For I know much

understand more

yet am utterly confused

by contradiction

Universe of thought

Posted by enreal on

I sit here and imagine my thoughts.. I imagine them as they are not… tangible, real, in a physical sense… I imagine they were assigned a space… a designated area… a unit. How large would that be? How much space do we take with our thoughts… picture it now… in your mind…

Do my thoughts take up your space? Is there an overlap? How far does this space go… there are nearly 7billion people on this planet… and how many before that… is that mental space still here? How far can we reach into the universe with our thoughts… how many dimensions can we travel to? how far will we go in time…

It is almost like a conversation… when one is created it in turn creates a universe of possibilities. It creates a reality all the while creating a bridge between one or more minds. I sit here now and am envisioning this in my mind. I envision this in your mind. I am seeing into the universe of thought. It is a beautiful place.

One day I will not be here as I am now. One day I will be as simple and complex as this thought. One day I will be my a sum of my thoughts left behind in another form.

One day.

Yet today I am here with you in this mental space, this infinite universe of possibility… of thought… can you feel this space? Can you feel these thoughts? This conversation? If you are aware and truly think, I think you can.