What am I waiting for? Perhaps Life… perhaps death… or whatever falls in the middle
I have been waiting for that miracle, that moment, that epiphany… the moment where it will all make sense… Does that make sense? I have waited so long yet my impatience is unjustified… part of my mind is content… the other is at war with my ideals, the way I want to live and the way I chose to live… Does that make sense?
I have waited and now my body is beginning to wear… I am getting tired… I have waited for life to get easier… less misfortunes and more joy…I have waited and asked, not for much… just a small sign… am I selfish? Perhaps… I seem to ask for more now and become more disheartened… again… a battle between my ideals and my reality…
I work hard everyday… I work my bones make my body weak… My mind has been strong, so has my spirit… now I find that time has turned away. No longer on my side. Time has gone to join my dreams and desires… hidden from my sight and my knowledge… time has joined my delusion.
Perhaps I speak toofreely, letting my inhibitions free… letting my body speak for my mind and thus for my souls subconscious… does that make sense? I have a feeling that all my waiting has turned into acomforting illusion… that perhaps the viel will never drop… my mirage will never fade and in turn this reality will in turn be reality…
Tired of working so hard… I do not even do it for myself… I need to breathe…
Journals Of Enreal 
When listening to your body, what does it say?
when listening to your heart..does it speak?
What stops you from grasping the dream that calls to you?
I know you war with yourself, but you have just this one life, this one chance to dance. Live a life with out regret, live
simply live
~sorrow~ my dear fiend… i hear my body… it is tired… i hear my heart… i hear my dreams… i hear your voice… i hear all… i thank you… it shall pass
Perhaps this experience will be a step in learning to see what has more value than these things you lack.
Anyway you do not always feel this way. It will change again.
Believe it or not even people who are 50 can feel young and strong and healthy. Experience is quite relative and quite subjective.
Did you know that the August meteor showers cause emotional disturbances? The Perseids will peak tonight.
~mossy~ that explains it 🙂 thank you… thank you for your support and words… words speak to my heart and soul… the written words… the ones which are contemplated and purposeful… like yours… thank you for being here
sometimes feeling fully enables us to see fully, perhaps… hang in there
~sanity~ wise words my friend… thank you
Dear enreal, I appreciate your trust to share your ‘down’-time with us. There are always doubts around, there is always an event that will disappoint us.
But if you look inside yourself an listen to that part of you, who write these wonderful poems, those intense sentences, then maybe you will find that an artist has to recreate and fill up his batteries. Quite normal. I am sorry for you and wish you a lot of energy.
~rainer~ thank you for your kind words… just a bit down… tired I suppose… thank you for the energy… I felt it…
Sometimes I wonder what would we do, if we did it for ourselves? In other words, well, no, I mean what I said, what would we do? Most of us, I think, do for others. I am not sure it is altruistic as opposed to learned.
Yes, we work our bones off for others and they turn and say: what have you done for me lately?
I have no magic answers. I have learned only simple ones. Seriously:
1. Breath, and do it deeply and slow because that is your time for you. Breath a mantra if you want, the word God works fine for me.
2. Walk slowly. Yes, that’s it. Walk slowly darn it, I don’t care who is rushing you.
3. Imagine a golden shield of many layers around you, make it look like the Matrix and DO NOT ENGAGE, do not let others suck your energy. And if they succeed in doing so, big deal, they won’t the next time or the time after that. There is no final defeat, remember that.
Peace, energy and light to you.
~SE~ My dear friend… I want to thank you for this lovely comment… I have been so tired as of late… I need to get my spirit back… seems to be out on vacation or something… I shall use your answers… seems all i have been doing is questioning, Have you and God been talking? Has He put you up to this? I want to thank you both… I shall return with my head up high… soon…
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