What am I waiting for? Perhaps Life… perhaps death… or whatever falls in the middle

I have been waiting for that miracle, that moment, that epiphany… the moment where it will all make sense… Does that make sense? I have waited so long yet my impatience is unjustified… part of my mind is content… the other is at war with my ideals, the way I want to live and the way I chose to live… Does that make sense?

I have waited and now my body is beginning to wear… I am getting tired… I have waited for life to get easier… less misfortunes and more joy…I have waited and asked, not for much… just a small sign… am I selfish? Perhaps… I seem to ask for more now and become more disheartened… again… a battle between my ideals and my reality…

I work hard everyday… I work my bones make my body weak… My mind has been strong, so has my spirit… now I find that time has turned away. No longer on my side. Time has gone to join my dreams and desires… hidden from my sight and my knowledge… time has joined my delusion.

Perhaps I speak toofreely, letting my inhibitions free… letting my body speak for my mind and thus for my souls subconscious… does that make sense? I have a feeling that all my waiting has turned into acomforting illusion… that perhaps the viel will never drop… my mirage will never fade and in turn this reality will in turn be reality…

Tired of working so hard… I do not even do it for myself… I need to breathe…