Category Archives: Thoughts
Something
Another day at work. Another day at Life. Another day that passed with little to no difference from the days which existed before… or was there something?
Was there a moment which existed, which exists now as I am writing these words? Was there a moment of reflection, of questioning, of reason which stands foremost in my mind? Is there something new?
Is it perhaps this thought which reached my mind, spoken from my soul? is it perhaps the feeling of being present. For that is how I felt as I faced my reflection in passing. As I stopped, stared and smiled. First I thought myself tired, but then I saw something. Something which spoke to my heart, from my mind. Placing reason within understanding. Something which I can not properly define… but I know. I know I am not tired anymore… I know that I am actually alright… I wanted to write “for the time being” twice… yet I did not…
I feel the smile once more… I guess it wasn’t the lighting.
I wonder why
I wonder why when we dream, life seems so irrelevant? Why the hours of sleep feel so short… as if time matters little to the worlds we travel in the night.
I wonder why when we breathe, the air flows through our bodies as if there is no reason… simply will… as if the body is animated by its own design.
I wonder why when we feel, I mean deeply connect to raw emotions, there is that physical reality to the minds power…
the breaking of the heart from sorrow and loss
the butterflies in your stomach when you are nervous, or in love
the laughter which flows so heavily when you are happy
the tear which release when the mind knows not what to do with the flows of emotion, be it happiness or sadness…
I wonder why when we think… delve deep into the abyss we call Mind… do these things make sense. The answers and reasons we resolve delicately explain that which is unexplainable to each individual reality…
we think there for we are
All alone, yet connected by the similarities of Life… semblance to Mind… oneness to Soul…
I wonder why I wonder. Yet I am happy that I do… for so many take not the time to care, learn, think… perhaps it is the wondering we find the wonder
perhaps
I remember a conversation I had a little while ago. One of those semi-philosophical conversations… where you stumble upon a golden nugget… a morsel of perfection… clarity even… yet as I try to recall it all, I have a hard time remembering the “aha” moment…
Lessons.
Meanings.
Truth.
Knowledge.
The meaning of it all, you understand the feelings evoked when you have a realization… and having that feeling amplified by the connection with another mind… knowing you are not alone in your mind…
What were we taught?
Think about what we know.
It was all created by us,
Language and society.
All of it is conceptualized by us.
A table is a table. The sky is the sky. The earth is earth… or is it known as something else. they are what we claim them to be… life is what we claim it to be. Perhaps the reason is because we are isolated, perhaps it is because we are alone. The closest connection we have to the universe is God… and even He is abstract…
Perhaps there is no reason other than that which we create.
A baby is born into the world
We nourish, teach and love
We raise it, as we were raised
Sometimes differently,
But most with good intentions
Sometimes along the way
A path is crossed
A child ventures the wrong direction,
That child in the future misguided,
Misguides another
This cycle, as it always is
Is Life
There is another perspective. One which involves fate… destiny… God even. The reason,
if it applies,
is none other than experience,
life,
learning,
being…
what if there is no wrong?
what if there is no right?
what if life, the series of events which have passed for thousands of years all reach this screen. generations and countless generations of blood being passed on and on… to guide you to this realization… the countless choices, mistakes, tears, years… the road which lead you here was paved with good intentions along the way… so perhaps that is life… or a infinitesimal part of it
perhaps
always perhaps
or what I claim perhaps to be
Breath
There are days when I feel feelings I can not understand, or simply choose not to… things I feel and think which cause me to doubt and hide within the words I create… there are times when I am so tired I wish the world would slow so I could catch up… there are moments in which I feel the weight and fall to my knees…
I write these words with no purpose…
I look not for reason, for reason has led me to hide within these words, hide within my mind…
I look not for company, for all have forgotten to ask or notice… as have I…
I look not for shelter, shelter from the glares and ridicule as they come from the shadows of my expectations…
I look not for sympathy, for who can sympathize for one when there is no reason…
Tears can not flow tonight… the well is empty, yet shallow enough to be full
Thoughts lay silent, yet flow to my heart as I read these words aloud…
These words can hurt, yet they can heal
I sit now and wait… for the words I create to bring a filling breath to my lungs…
the breath I long for. the breath I need
My dreams
I often speak to you as if you are my future, my life, my hopes, my truths… my escape… my reality.
Yet as of late, the nights have turned restless, fever rushes and sweat drowns my peace
As of late, the visions which fall bring not rest
As of late, the nights which gather make my eyes heavy with longing of nights which have passed
As of late, I sit in the corner and wait for dawn. Awake. Alone.
I have spoken to you so often, yet tonight I address you, directly, and ask of you to return to me.
Do not begrudge me my mistakes, for I may have taken for granted, but I have never forsaken my peace.
Please return to me
my future, my life, my hopes, my truths… my escape… my reality…
my dreams
I remember nights when I would smile and await the next adventure,
the reality of life faded and accompanied the shadows to rest.
The replaced image was one of silence and experience
This new uncertainty became truth… I remember the nights.
I remember the mornings when I would smile and try to capture every detail,
relive the fantasy, find that which I believed in, feel the freedom of all I owned… be that which knows no bounds… almost discovering the reflection in the mirror is all but a mirage… it is the real you
the fragrances of life, the tastes of air, the sights and sounds… all aware… all in there… it is the truth… I remember the mornings when my mind would comfort my soul
one day,
one day
your dreams shall
be real,
for all which is,
is all
In dreams
Empty Destiny
With each day comes forth new possibilities for happiness. We live each day as if life is continuous and we have no say in what happens. This is false. We control our destinies, we choose our lives. Whether to live the same or to make the change… to face a truth or to be afraid… It is a sad and empty destiny, if this is the path we take.
Emptiness is the consumption of will.
It is not the beginning that counts,
It is the return to the present that manifests life
All creativity must have roots.
All expectations must have matter,
All possibilities may become whole. If we choose it so…
My beautiful dream,
Giving way to sadness nevermore.
I’ve been wanting signs.
Waiting in fear.
I can not imagine falling way.
I can not believe in emptiness… even if emptiness believes in me.
Are we Lost?
Everyday.
Can we be Found?
Perhaps.
One day
Destiny allows room for error
All things will be shown at Time’s leisure
For we do not always achieve our destiny,
Others play a hand in fate
And Fate in turn,
Has its own destiny
Journals Of Enreal 