I
It is coming,
I feel it
Let it come,
I care not
I’ll let it
take me away
I’ll go
I’m ready
II
As I wait
the mysteries contemplate
Light is revealed
With it’s final breath
They must know
That I fought
Everyday
Until today
When I knew
III
I am ready
to go
I am tired
I know
The voices
they will say
I failed
Let them think it
I care not
I’m free
Sometimes when I try to make sense, none can be found. I try to listen to my heart, yet it beats alone. I try to listen to my mind, yet that too is silent when my Soul comes searching. One would think they are connected, yet as of late, they are worlds apart.
.
I look towards an emptiness. Barren. Not cold, not dark, not anything.
What do you hear when there are no sounds?
Breath,
Yes.
What do you feel when you touch the ground?
Reality, or is it simply what you believe you’ve found?
What do your senses say they’ve found?
For now
They simply know not,
Or why.
This is my heart.
.
I look towards Life for answers, there are many. Yet, none seem right.
What is Life? If not Death in waiting.
What is Strife? If not happiness waiting to be found.
What is Sorrow? If not the hollowed ground within your heart able to be filled with Joy.
I do believe this, in truth I know this. Yet to know and believe serves little when one is lost.
This is my mind.
.
.
They pain you, your desires. What do they know, these simple emotions,
Hollowed words and meaningless songs
They betray you, your realities. What do they show, they are simply all you know.
One day all will be one.
This is my soul.
.
Worlds apart, yes. Yet they are the same.
I was on a long drive the other day, reflecting on my “life”,
all the tears, struggles, complications…
then I saw them branch out to the people I loved…
I saw how it was their lives and struggles which touched me and weighed on me…
my conscience held my expectations… and I felt too guilty to live my life.
Wether it was my father, my sister, my love…
I never wanted to achieve or be happy…
I simply wanted to be there.
My problems and grievances are all my own,
I see that, I feel that, but I have become accustom to that feeling…
and as terrible as it sounds, I don’t really care, I just want it to make sense.
I wouldn’t want to call it altruism. I’m not a good enough person for that. I just want to want to stop worrying. I want everyone to be alright so I can be at peace. I don’t need anything more than peace. Others judge and see not the truth… perhaps if they saw,
perhaps if they could see,
this judgement weigh on me
perhaps then I would be free
of this worry.
Wondering once more, what it is I am asking for. This question or statement on Judgement. Perhaps what I see is simply what I believe, and none of it is or was ever real.
My father was happy. I just saw him as sad.
My sister is not struggling. I just want her to have it all.
Her boys are alright. They wont for nothing, they are loved.
And me? Empathy?
No
Internal apathy
Yes
But once more my thoughts stray… As it began it shall end.
it was a long drive… I continue to reflect on life…
How can we see
What we are meant to be?
As we drift away
To where subconscious plays
At the end of the day
It is in this way
We do see,
We are more free than can possibly be.
It is in this place
No body
No space
In our minds eye
We are truly divine
It is in this present life
We suffer all strife
We learn the lessons our mind holds
We fear not and shatter the souls mold
Exploring the potential
Attempting the impossible
Attracting the infinite
Decoding the reason
Why then this vision
Why then this way
Why then do we forget
In the beginning of the day?
Why does our mind shadow secrets
When the answers are already at hand
it is in the timeless grains of sand
may we never understand
Whether the beginning ends the day
It is in this way
For our mind must pass the test
Leaving the answers hidden at rest
For when they will arrive
Only time and mind decide
For now they shall be
Eternally
infinitely
Patiently
Remaining in dreams
I tell myself that one day I won’t miss you
I catch myself looking for traces,
One day I will accept that I shut you out
I made the decision and I took the easy road
I tell myself that one day I will be happy
I tell myself,
But I don’t listen
I think back upon the years which led me to today. All the roads. All the decisions. All the meaningless and endless twists and fated moments. I think back as I do every single day. Why? Because I miss her. I still think I hear her. I catch glimpses of her smile and her eyes. When I try to focus, she’s gone once more. So I suppose today symbolizes her. I know she knows how sorry I am, but alas, the path has been traveled. She was left behind. One day I will be happy. If she forgives and returns to me. For now I will continue to think back upon the years which led me to today. Today and everyday.
To those who think they know me… think again. To those who wish to bring me down… I can’t get any lower… my views on judgement
Who are you to judge me? Do I live up to society? Do I live up to your standards?
Do you know me? When you see me, do you assume to know how I think? If you look at me and judge, shame on you.
Shame on all who assume to know how it is to live in another life.
We all pass judgement.
We all assume to know.
But what are we looking for?
I wonder…
Who is to say what normal is?
To me, normal is a person who thinks about others and displays generosity and empathy towards them. Is free to live the way they choose. Who believes in God and Life as beauty. Someone who does not let society dictate how to feel. Normal to me is quiet, loving and willing to learn, open minded and simple. Has morals and is not afraid of Life. Idealistic yes, but of course.
I say that is normal…but that is me. How can I presume to know anything? When the anything I presume is a projection of my wants?
I am sure that we all think about others as being different, there is no such thing as uniformity in people and in thoughts. That is what makes life wonderful, we can spend eternity learning from one another. Why spend that time passing judgments that are created by a society who shows no mercy…We are trapped by our “ideals”. The lust and envy our society has filtered in our minds.
Why do people judge? Are we God? Only He can judge. How would you feel to have your inadequacies brought forth for others to ridicule? Do you not suffer the shame of unaccomplished dreams on some level? How does that feel? Now amplify that feeling towards all who are different. We share the same feelings, cry the same tears and breath the same air of relief at the days end for the day is over. I believe no one can be content in their lives…there is always the desire for something more…
To desire something more is natural. Life is so much more. Do not pass judgments on those who are different. We are all connected by a common thread. We are all connected on so many more levels than we can imagine. Do not judge others until you can accept judgment upon yourself.
I have judged myself… I know what I need to know. Why then does it still hurt to be judged?
I’ve arrived upon the moment
Reached the time in a space that doesn’t exist
Surrendered to the keeper of Minutes
Conceded to the counter of Hours
I came to rest before the master of Days
Unable to stop that which began
I wait for the reasoning to descend
Falling as sand does through the eternal hour glass
The infinite grains hold the universes
Every one as Infinite as Mind
When will it end
Perhaps when is begins again
That which becomes meaning
Now bears no name
Simply the possibility that time is as the universe
Boundless as is space
Unlimited as reality and the mind
Still speaking in riddles and confusion
Travel and bring meaning a new name
Define the undefinable
Bring reality a new perception
Light to mind
Awareness to time
Boundaries to space
Try to stop that which has begun
Before the beginning
Perhaps then you shall see the cycle
Name that which remains nameless in the hall before
Minutes
Hours
Days
Pay homage and kneel
Know
That you shall see the way
Reality is Mind
Mind is Time
TIme is Space
Now Go
Leave this place
Journals Of Enreal 