A light in a dark place

As of late I have been in a dark place. I find my mind and soul are fighting… the ego is putting me in this game once more… It is taking its toll… I am tired. I know some have voiced there concerns… I am sorry. It has crept into my writing. It has seeped into my work.


I always try to write about emotions and pain… with a hope and dream involved… the light in a dark place… I try to give hope because somewhere inside I have hope. Yet my hope is tired and needs a rest… its burdens have taken a toll… so here I am in a dark place waiting for my light. And it shall come… I think I see a faint glow… so for those on their journey. I am on mine…I must wait and see what evolves… I shall see the light. I shall be lighter. For now… I apologize for my work… 

It is my journey


Sincerely yours,

Enreal

One Day

 

One day I will be happy… it is not this day, nor tomorrow… yet I know one day it will be so…

I know not what is the meaning behind this sadness… this daily pain… I feel as if my angel is crying…

I hear not her cries… I miss her sweet voice… I miss her embrace… 

One day I will be free… it is not this day, nor tomorrow… yet I know one day it will be so…

 

 

I know not the reason for these feelings… I may be sad… but I am alright. It is not the sadness that bothers. It is something sweeter, deeper… I can not explain further, one day I will understand.

Separate Lives

I have been wrestling with this for sometime… I am feeling disconnected and unsure of my Life today… That is unlike me… I was recently exposed to some really negative energy, I would normally brush it off… but it is a really strange day today…here is my dilema…

I live two lives, many of us do. Different situations, settings make us different people. I live two lives…As a young woman working to support herself and her family. And as Enreal… who I want to be at all times. It is difficult…All my philosophies all my dreams and aspirations… I want to be the embodiment of Her. She is my Soul and I am her instrument… I want to Live it. I love my family more than my Life. I sacrifice my Life for them in more ways than I can describe… all my important Life decisions I have built around them… When my father passed away…I was given new responsibilities… I love them, I love my family…

They are not the primary issue… it is my job, notice I do not say career… It is such a complicated situation… I know that I must do what is right… I am procrastinating… I have been sitting on 3 books… afraid to look for publication… afraid of change… The people in my lives are judging me based on what they see… what I do for a living… what I do for my family… I normally understand judgement… today was too much… I was blatently disrespected… told I have no future… judged by the exterior… Judgement… I have had these feelings before… now I am just sad…

I will probably delete this post… it goes against my philosophies… I do not want this place to be ruined by their energies… Isn’t it amazing how someones harmful energy found its way here…

I feel sad
I know I shouldn’t

I feel insecure
I know I shouldn’t

I have been put down
I should be strong

I lead two lives
One ideal
The other neccessary…

Who brought me down…
to my knees
to the tears which run down to their cupped hands
As they drink
The salt in my tears…
I shall bring forth a new strength
I shall rise up off the ground
Stand tall before them
And give them my hands
Take them and show them
So they do not judge me again

Soon…One day… when I do not feel sad
For I know I shouldn’t…