I just want you there there
When I finally arrive
The look of pride shining through your eyes.
The relief when I return the smile.
The knowledge renewed even for a little while.
I want it to be special.
I want it to make sense
I want you to hear me through my dreams and wait
Will you be there in the end?
Tell me, what is there to do? They say we can not see the path we are on while we are on it. As days blend into years and years escape the moments, time itself becomes or became the watcher, either in the future or in the past it presents the present. And here it is.
What is there to do? Make choices, fake decisions, accept certain truths. The truths which were determined by time, the watcher.
So now tell me.
What.
Is.
There.
To.
Do?
Accept, I guess… I do. With little or no reason. I simply do. Because I can’t tell myself what to do. Can you?
I am returning to my Abstract Conversations Series for inspiration… I will be working on some new conversations to see what answers I can find to my endless questioning… for now I share with you some of my original conversations. I am fond of the time I spent conversing with my thoughts and my Soul… This is republished from a while back… the conversations are published previously…
I have an obsession with conversations. Intelligent, deep, meaningful conversations… There is only so much one can learn from literature and history… there is a whole other world out there, many other worlds out there…The only way to reach them is through conversation, observing another’s Life and understanding even questioning why they are…
Why they are… indeed. The fundamental philosophical question. Why? Why are we? Now imagine this, a conversation with an abstract, something abstract made tangible for conversation with you, with me… I have had many of these conversations and am working towards that “perfect conversation“.
A perfect conversation? I believe it can be described as a flow of energy, a way of connecting with another and traveling to a place that is out of reach, it is a way of reading from the pages of Life, a way of transcending Self. It can be recalled as butterflies in the stomach, realizing you have touched on something that is larger than Self, a glimpse of knowledge and power too large to hold in the mind, so it simply slips away silently, gracefully. I am constantly searching for that perfect conversation… one I can hold in my heart and in my mind. It is always in my Soul.
Now I share with you some of my Abstract Conversations, I am always searching for a way to connect, a way to answer my Soul…
Conversation with Subconsciousness
Who’s to say if I am the Abstract on the other side of this reality…
A Conversation with Reality… I have to find Reality first…
The scene is set. All are in position. Time draws near. The empty stage is infused with the energies of the participants. How in the history of the world can one have all these players in waiting for their debut? How in the world indeed…
If you could be in the presence of anyone, whom would you choose? What if it could be bigger than you imagined? How about instead of talking about life with someone… you could talk to Life, understand it, question it…
Death, same as above.
Speak to your mind and infuse it with interpretation.
Know.
Talk to Chaos, Emotion, Time… here is your chance. They are waiting in anticipation of your audience
Enter Life. Time. Death. Enter Chaos. Emotion. Purpose, meaning and Destiny
Can you truly find meaning in the meaningless?
Once there was a child, born in a world of chaos. Once there was a girl living in a world of hope. Once there was a life lived alone and shared with the infinity of possibility.
Once there was a time of passion and wonder, this time has since passed leaving the lonely to tend to the fields of unharvested dreams. In solitude and silence they work., gently plowing and sowing fruitless hopes. The work tiredlessly. They work with little to no knowledge of their intentions. The know not what they do.
Weaving it all together. Leaving no room for poeticism. Why must there always be a story? Why can’t it be like life.
Chaos.
Chaos with Purpose.
And Life
They narrate their intention, infused with knowledge. All apologies knowledge could not be present tonight, though his role is interpreted in the dialogue
There is always a design beneath the surface. Perhaps an unseen pattern leaving light. Wielding emotion as a sword would upon its final victory.
Purpose.
Meaning.
Destiny.
The stage is set… all in position for a marvelous show… how will you participate?
There
on the icy waters
the pale outline of two souls
you can see the connection
it bleeds into the night
tendrils weaving through the darkness
Glimmering
faint
suspended
between time
space
reality
fiction
the shadows of mind
the veils of truth
Two souls
the outline of phantom limbs reaching for one another
Over the frozen waters
in the brightness of the light
of the moon
blinded
they reach
they stare
between time
space
reality
the shadows of mind
the windows of acceptance
Fading
The moon leaves the souls
Darkness descends
They grow dim
Once more
Forever reaching with phantom limbs
This scene
this tale
the souls
until the end of time
they reflect over the glimmering waters of the night
at times frozen
at times alive
always waiting
behind the veil of this life
Am I the person I thought I would be ?
Am I the person I wanted to be?
Do I practice what I preach?
Am I a prisoner to what my mind would have me believe?
When will I change?
When will I grow?
When will I reap,
All which I sow?
I simply don’t know.
I sat here thinking about my day. It was an ordinary day. Work. Family. Coworkers. Friends. Avoidance. Musings. Thoughts. Trials. Dreams. Petty petty things… I have changed… not in the way I foresaw. I have become as bitter as the cold which surrounds me… I shall elaborate. But now I simply don’t want to. I grieve for the me I lost, the one who gave up… i simply don’t know where she went… perhaps it was denial… I will find her and ask for her forgiveness… then I shall elaborate. Until then…
I simply don’t know
Pondering the meaning of simply being
Just breathing
And suddenly believing
In Something
Anything
Then a word breaks my silence
JUST
A word that implies complacency
JUST
A word that begs understanding
JUST
A word that I can say to you in a moment
For a moment
JUST
Then a thought intrudes my rant
Now you see
What you have made of me
with my words I constantly sew
A picture I so vaguely know
ALONE
you know so
in your bones
ALONE
all and one
together
ALONE
and this could be the end
it could be…
With my words I see all that I feel
My chest aches
The cavity which bears
all the invisible tears
What say you next
whether in words or thought
Bring not emotions
For my mind can fail not
What my soul has left to thought
I need to write
I need to feel
I need to embrace all which I have shunned
I am sorry
I shall write
Journals Of Enreal 