Category Archives: Love

To Know Love

Posted by enreal on

Have you ever needed something so badly your body rejects everything else… Your mind accepts no comfort… it almost feels as if your hear has been torn from your chest… Can you imagine this feeling? The hole… stretching from your lungs to the pit of your stomach… Empty. Hollow… Can you imagine the feeling? To believe it will never be healed.

Only when your mind accepts the pain. It will be dulled. 

Only when your body realizes the heart is missing will the hole be filled with blood and fire… A low burning never to be quenched by any thought or act… 

Only when the soul looks to find the heart… in desperate search will the mind and body begin to relive the pain… to feel again… to work together again…

Now answer me this… Imagine this hole… this loss… the void of something which has never been witnessed… only remembered… remembered by not the body, nor the mind… remembered only by the soul… the past forgotten… the past in a dream…

 

The veiled memory… the memory of a mirage… a memory which you never owned, never touched… yet it is there… beneath the surface. Within your reflection. Behind your hard facade. It is and always will be there.  The memory… Lost love… this is how you know… you can love…

For My Father

Posted by enreal on

I sit here and wait… wait for the day. Thursday December 18th will be two years… Two years my since my father passed on… went home. The first year was the hardest I find… as time passed I learned to look at life and death differently. My views have changed, in part of his death and in part of what I see after his passing…

On Sunday I went to the cemetery… our family gathered for a memorial. During this time there was a prayer said… as I looked around all heads were bowed… jackets pulled tight, guarding … protecting from the cold… gazes sorrowful, melancholy heavy in the air…  the air carried bitter cold and sadness… and then,  then it happened… what I have been praying for… my sign… and I do believe it was… I felt warmth and my thoughts turned to him…  for a moment the seemingly overcast winter sky opened up… the sun shone brightly… I felt warm… I felt light… I looked around to see if anyone else felt the same… but alas… they missed my joy… one day they shall know what I know… believe what I believe… one day…


So today I say live and be thankful… live in the memories of those who passed… live with the knowledge of the memories we form today, with our loved ones… live with them and take thanks and know you are blessed with each and every moment… live with the feelings of wonder and uncertainty… for the uncertainty is life… so live with life… 

I shall always miss my father… I shall shed many more tears when milestones arrive, when I need his guidance… when I miss his presence… I shall weep for his passing, yet from now on they are my selfish tears… for I know now that he is here and he is always watching… I feel his love in me… the same love he shared with us… I shall share… 


My father loved me and my sisters… my nephew… and he would have loved my newest nephew… And we loved him. Life was hard for him and through it all he had always the greatest appreciation for it. I wish I had half the strength to live as he did, I wish I had half of the passion he had, I wish I had more time…

Dedication to my father

I know life had been hard on you
If I could have had just one wish
I would have carried your burden

Now I could only wish…
I could see your face again
Look upon your sad eyes

See your empty gaze
Hold your cold hands

Things haven’t been the same
When you left, you took the part of my soul that belonged to you

It took too long for me to understand
What we all belong to is something else

We belong to Life
Not the other way around.

Until we meet again…I love you daddy

 

The Man and His Sun

Oedipus From Time To Time

21 Days in Paradise/~ Day 20

21 Days in Paradise

 

These I wrote in dedication to my father

For Love of Father

A year

Unconditional Love

Love

Posted by enreal on

When does love become a burden? I normally do not write about love. It is a bittersweet choice. I am so “in love” with the thought of something so intangible, so abstract… ethereal. Something I feel in my gut… the butterflies… I long for it. Yet I claim it does not exist. People I know find me a bit pessimistic. I consider it a choice. Be real, honest… why put hope into something that does not exist in the romanticized way… A love so profound its essence is perfect… Why try to explain the void… there will always be some kind of a void… 

This is the sadness I feel about love. I have that same sadness for love of my family. After my father passed away I felt a void. It is there with me… We were close but only so for a short time. We became friends during the later part of his life.  

 

A sadness can be so pure it can be mistaken for love. Love can be so deep… it can be mistaken for sorrow… So I go back to my start… When does love become a burden? Must we be strong of heart or of mind? Can we exist to be torn in two? As the Soul and the Mind? This delicate thing which though immaterial can rage wars, build empires, and shatter lives… Love can bring nirvana, yet cause insanity… Love.

“Love to faults is always blind, always is to joy inclined. Lawless, winged, and unconfined, and breaks all chains from every mind.”
 

~William Shakespeare

 

 

 

 

 

 

Deserve

Posted by enreal on

Tonight I feel low

Crawling up for air

Breathing in for life

 

Tonight I fell deep

Pushed down by life

Pushed down by love

 

Was it security that held me 

Perhaps a chain which binded

Was it fear which held me

Perhaps guilt that blinded

 

Tonight I saw

What once was love

Turned dark and sad

What once shone hope

Faded glimmer of what was had

 

To see one push you down

On your knees

Crying tears of pleading

Reaching for the last signs of hope

 

To see one push you down

Watch you cry

Watch you crawl

 

What deserves this?

For there is only the what, not the whom.

No person deserves this

The silence

The tears…

Why should I?

If

Posted by enreal on

If there is light in the soul,
There will be beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world.

-Chinese Proverb