Category Archives: Hope

Where are we going?

Posted by enreal on

Somewhere in our subconscious we all know where we are going. We understand life and know what we are doing, it is not as mysterious as it seems. We are one and are on the same path of life. You read my words and I try to read your thoughts. Do my words have meaning? Am I reaching your mind… perhaps your soul? I am trying to reach your path, because ultimately you stumbled across mine.

I will look back and say thank you to all the people that crossed my path, because they are the reason for my choices, and my life. Think of yours, the roadblocks, those difficult decisions that you thought you couldn’t get through. The nightmarish situations, the horrid circumstances. Wanting to give up, throw it all away, and yet you held on…
This is why you are where you are. This is why you are who you are.

I picture things and am clear in my vision. We will learn the truth one day. The picture will fall into focus. The clarity felt seldom will overtake the doubt.
Who knows, except the force that is guiding us. That presence that is with us.

When I wake in the morning, exhausted and ready to fall apart, that presence makes me go and keeps building.
We all have that force, some ignore it and stop, because they are scared. I am not scared however, I KNOW THAT I WILL WIN. I know because if this is a situation of win or be conquered by circumstance, the answer is simple, I have to win. And so then, so do you, you and I. We are one. We are on the same journey.

 

May the storm pass and the path clear… the sun shines bright in the distance… can you see?

 

 

 

 

 

To be Quoted…

Posted by enreal on

Tonight I was thinking of my father… he has been on my mind lately (although he never leaves my thoughts)… It is June and this month has always been for me and my dad. Our birthdays are two days apart… they run on Fathers day weekend… most of the time…

So I was thinking of my father…I have been trying to remember all his lines, sayings, quirks… many lost in translation, but gained in accent 😉 . We were originally from Romania…I have lived in the United States for most of my life, my father restarted and finished his life here. It is and has always been home.

He had the biggest heart and the kindest Soul… his passions exceeded his expectations… I have mentioned all that I loved about my father previously… so tonight an ode to my fathers lines, sayings and quirks…

Ode to Silviu

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Loved to cook, never clean, each and every cabinet door left open, flour and eggs on the ceiling,

with a smile and pride… “my work is finished… ;)”

 

“Are there any cooooocumbers”… an emphasis on the “ooooo”

 

I love crepes, and my father made them the best! however he once made the mistake of calling them “craps” lets just say it stuck around.

 

During his last few years he was often tired… but it never stopped him from writing. That was never his profession… always his dream. Sometimes I would get to the house late… I always knew where he was, down stairs in his “office”… a little den in the basement… all his own… It is not the same 

Sometimes I was rushed and missed out on our talks… but when we caught up… it was perfect…

(sorry dad for that… I have slowed down a bit)

 

This is a little secret I never shared…

We were leaving my sisters wedding at the same time… he was driving in front of me on the highway to show me the way… Then we got to the intersection where I recognized… (this is going to sound bad and irresponsible, but if you would have known my day you would get it)… he wanted to race, so here we are on the hutch and we are speeding, it was only for a minute, but it was a memory I will never forget…

 

He was so proud of his culinary abilities… based in “Romanian Cuisine”…  I would eat that food everyday if I could… but something about my dad, when he cooked… he was a great chef… really… except for…

the dish I will never forget … Tripe soup… It was one of the grossest things I had ever smelled…  the whole family grabbed the pot of soup and threw it outside… never again… we talked about that one forever…

 

Or his compassion for tele-marketers and Jahovas witnesses. Wether it was boredom, or his sense of humor… tele-marketers would call… my dad would turn them around… start questioning them… he would make them forget what they are doing… he was good at confusing people… 😉

 

One day two Jahovas came to the door… now for all who are super religious… I mean this in the utter most respect for all faiths… my dad had very strong beliefs as well…

Two Jahovas Witnesses came to the door… My dad knew who they were and what they wanted… so he invited them in (if they only knew)…

They began thier preaching and information… my father said “alright you want me to listen about your religion, ok first listen about mine…” after ten minutes they suddenly had to leave… I couldn’t believe it… hadn’t had any visitors since then…

 

I could go on forever… but for know I raise my head and smile… 

Here’s to you Dad… an ode to Silviu

May I be quoted one day with love and humor and the warmest of memories…

Angels

Posted by enreal on

Angles are gathering

They listen contently

They feel with our knowledge

They hurt with our mistakes

 

Ignorant of time

Aware of Life

Understanding only God

Seeing only Light

 

They hear cries

They see sacrifice

They see strife

They see 

Yet to them it matters not

They see, they feel 

its all relative to angles

To them Life is a gift

 

They are misunderstood
As is Father

They do not judge
Neither does Father

Cant they see our lives falter?

when will they learn?
Cant they see we are tired?

when will they feel?
Cant they relay the messages?
Cant they tell Father?

When will the know?
They are His eyes and ears

They do not understand

To them Life is a Gift

A gift to us

A gift of burden

A beautiful burden

 

Catch us
We are falling
From Grace
From our sanctuary

Tell our Father
Tell our God

 

Angels read these words and understand

Assurances

Posted by enreal on

Above the clouds
The sky is always blue

As seemingly infinite the sea
It has its limitations

No matter how dark
There is always a possibility for light

Behind the mirror
There is a wall

There is always a bottom
For which to land

Time possesses all
No one can control time

Sadness is an emotion
As is Happiness and Joy

A list of things I hold as true….
When I can not make sense of things I see
When things are too weird to look upon
When Life is confusing
I turn to these things as little assurances.

Please feel free to leave me some of your assurances.
They always alleviate my tensions

Remember…

Posted by enreal on

1. the times you looked at the world and said: “now, there! there is God!”
2. the first time you sat in your room listening to your favorite singer while having a glass of wine by candlelight, watching the shadows dance on the wall
3. the first time you realized that things do always work out for the better in the end.
4. the first time you felt your soul as part of the primordial, eternal universe
5. the first time that for no reason at all, you felt so happy that you started crying
6. the first time you realized you loved someone so much that you hoped they would pass on before you do just so they don’t have to go through the pain of losing you.
7. the first time you realized that you would die for someone.
8. the first time God answered a prayer.
9. the first time you wish he hadn’t
10. waiting for the first snow of winter so you didn’t have to go to school that day.
11. the first time you went to the beach
12. the first time you heard nothing except for the wind
13. how you came to realize that your most insignificant action affects everyone.
14. the first time you refrained from speaking and waited for the right time
15. how it feels to let go.
16. how you realized that the difficult choice is always the right one.
17. the first time you did something nice for someone and didn’t tell them it was you.
18. the first time someone surprized you by doing something nice for you for no reason at all
19. how it feels to give someone hope when they have none.
20. how it feels to sit in the summertime grass listening to the hum of the bees
21. how it feels to be so little that you have to climb on top of the kitchen cabinets to get a glass
22. how it felt to be so fascinated by something like buttons or pictures in a book
23. first time you realized that no matter what, you really are indestructible
24. how you came to realize that God really does love you and that you need only accept it and let it all go.
25. how you came to realize that it was always there, inside of you.

My sister, a beautiful and loving soul sent me this list, so I will never forget. Something to think over this weekend… Hope it is full of light and love… just remember…

Will work for food…

Posted by enreal on

It was mid afternoon. I left the store. Began to drive toward the main route. Stopped at the traffic light.  There stood a man. He was old. Standing on a corner with a sign. “WILL WORK FOR FOOD“ He was just standing there. He was not looking at the cars. He was looking at the sky.

The light had changed. I began to drive. I began to think. If my father was still alive, he would have picked him up and brought him home. He would have given him a job. That was my father. Make him work for his food, in a kind, never condescending way. I on the other hand could not. I have no home that belongs to me… my family remains in my fathers house, yet it is not the same. In a moment I pulled an illegal U turn and turned around. I stopped the car and jumped out. I gave him some money. “I can not give you a job, but lunch is on me…” He was thankful and kind. I could see he was damaged and tired… I saw his eyes for a brief moment… the the traffic began to complain… I said goodbye and ran to my car…  My legs were shaking… I felt the energy…

I felt the energy… I felt his Life, his dreams as I drove away. I imagined a young boy dreaming about his future. I felt the disappointment, the shame, the way Life can go ‘wrong’. I do not judge his mistakes, nor what left him on the corner begging to work for food. He is the judge. I do not know his story, nor would I try to imagine. There are reasons why things happen, reasons for the mysteries, reasons for the trouble, lessons to be learned…  I only can imagine the little boy this man once was… he must have dreamt… where are his dreams?

 

For now I leave this to you all to ponder… this weekend… think of your dreams, how lucky you are. This is one man, one lost dream. Now think of others… others who have yet to dream or lose. Pain, loss, suffering… indeed is relative to the person or situation. You can not gage another’s capacity for either empathy or apathy.

You can however think upon your dreams… to lose them, although not forever is as painful as sadness on the edge of reason. Would you work for food?  Shame is the ultimate sacrifice… then all that you wish will come true… Sacrifice once and all will be new…