Category Archives: dreams

Missing

Posted by enreal on

I tell myself that one day I won’t miss you

I catch myself looking for traces,

One day I will accept that I shut you out

I made the decision and I took the easy road

I tell myself that one day I will be happy

I tell myself,

But I don’t listen

I think back upon the years which led me to today. All the roads. All the decisions. All the meaningless and endless twists and fated moments. I think back as I do every single day. Why? Because I miss her. I still think I hear her. I catch glimpses of her smile and her eyes. When I try to focus, she’s gone once more. So I suppose today symbolizes her. I know she knows how sorry I am, but alas, the path has been traveled. She was left behind. One day I will be happy. If she forgives and returns to me. For now I will continue to think back upon the years which led me to today. Today and everyday.

Judgement

Posted by enreal on

To those who think they know me… think again.  To those who wish to bring me down… I can’t get any lower… my views on judgement

 

Who are you to judge me? Do I live up to society? Do I live up to your standards?
Do you know me? When you see me, do you assume to know how I think? If you look at me and judge, shame on you.

Shame on all who assume to know how it is to live in another life.

We all pass judgement.

We all assume to know.

But what are we looking for?

 

I wonder…
Who is to say what normal is?
To me, normal is a person who thinks about others and displays generosity and empathy towards them. Is free to live the way they choose. Who believes in God and Life as beauty. Someone who does not let society dictate how to feel. Normal to me is quiet, loving and willing to learn, open minded and simple. Has morals and is not afraid of Life. Idealistic yes, but of course.
I say that is normal…but that is me. How can I presume to know anything? When the anything I presume is a projection of my wants?

I am sure that we all think about others as being different, there is no such thing as uniformity in people and in thoughts. That is what makes life wonderful, we can spend eternity learning from one another. Why spend that time passing judgments that are created by a society who shows no mercy…We are trapped by our “ideals”. The lust and envy our society has filtered in our minds.

Why do people judge? Are we God? Only He can judge. How would you feel to have your inadequacies brought forth for others to ridicule? Do you not suffer the shame of unaccomplished dreams on some level? How does that feel? Now amplify that feeling towards all who are different. We share the same feelings, cry the same tears and breath the same air of relief at the days end for the day is over. I believe no one can be content in their lives…there is always the desire for something more…

To desire something more is natural. Life is so much more. Do not pass judgments on those who are different. We are all connected by a common thread. We are all connected on so many more levels than we can imagine. Do not judge others until you can accept judgment upon yourself.

 

I have judged myself… I know what I need to know. Why then does it still hurt to be judged?

Apart

Posted by enreal on

Slowly I turn to see your face,

the lines around your eyes.

Are they smiling or are they sad?

I try to catch your stare

Its gaze far from here

I watch your movements,

Your body unattached

Unaware

*

I touch your shoulder, as if waking from a trance

I felt the touch against my shoulder

I felt the pull of energy from mine and mine from yours

I felt your spirit cling as if for hope, waiting for more

*

So far away are your thoughts

As mine are reaching for yours

So distant

It makes me cry

The saline tears fall to your side

*

They turned your gaze

Attention focused

My attention drawn

I face you,

You finally see me

You stare

Our eyes

Our beautiful eyes

*

Be that they always see light

Be that they alway learn

For they have

Even as vision fades

I am outside

You are Inside

*

Yet forever it feels as if we are always meant to be

Apart

A Sense of Belonging

Posted by enreal on

I do not belong here
Among the low of spirits and the weak of hearts
Of those whose tongues be shamed
Though I must speak of it the same

.

I do not belong here
Among the empty dreams and failed attempts
For I dream of Life and Love
A vision of peace and wonder sent from above

.

I do not belong here

though only now I realize I know

I have never felt the way my mind accepted

My heart always knew it couldn’t know

.

Though I sense so much more of where I belong

I know I have been wrong

My voice carries on meanings which have slipped passed my judgement

My mind carries on memories of the feelings

memories of the words

memories of the tears

.

I seem to have forgotten these times, though I search for meaning
I will never forget the feeling
It is of a time and setting misplaced

.

I know I do not belong here, yet I can not envision any other place

I can only sense I know another face

I belong among valor and love
I belong among the proud and virtuous

.

Let my mind speak to me and remind me why I am here
I have forgotten the purpose
And my soul waits

Let my heart speak to me and show me the reason
I feel imprisoned to a time, though not the hour which I seek

Let my soul and I complete

Be in quest of this place

the one and only of our dreams

the one of which we belong

 

 

It is interesting how we look for meaning and answers….

“why is this my life?”, “why am I the way that I am?”, “when will these thoughts and feelings make sense?”.

It is interesting how we forget the lessons we have learned along the way, as if searching for one answer is not enough, we seem to overlook it in our failed attempt to see the “big picture”. I am tired of being so selfish… I stopped writing the poem below because I can not justify my visions… whose to say where I belong? I realize that it should definitely not be me. I am persuaded by my desires. I dance with my ego and have become partner when once I was lead… A sense of belonging, perhaps one which was never meant to be…

 

Conversations with…

Posted by enreal on

I am returning to my Abstract Conversations Series for inspiration… I will be working on some new conversations to see what answers I can find to my endless questioning… for now I share with you some of my original conversations. I am fond of the time I spent conversing with my thoughts and my Soul… This is republished from a while back… the conversations are published previously…

I have an obsession with conversations. Intelligent, deep, meaningful conversations… There is only so much one can learn from literature and history… there is a whole other world out there, many other worlds out there…The only way to reach them is through conversation, observing another’s Life and understanding even questioning why they are…

Why they are… indeed. The fundamental philosophical question. Why? Why are we? Now imagine this, a conversation with an abstract, something abstract made tangible for conversation with you, with me… I have had many of these conversations and am working towards that “perfect conversation“.

A perfect conversation? I believe it can be described as a flow of energy, a way of connecting with another and traveling to a place that is out of reach, it is a way of reading from the pages of Life, a way of transcending Self. It can be recalled as butterflies in the stomach, realizing you have touched on something that is larger than Self, a glimpse of knowledge and power too large to hold in the mind, so it simply slips away silently, gracefully. I am constantly searching for that perfect conversation… one I can hold in my heart and in my mind. It is always in my Soul.

Now I share with you some of my Abstract Conversations, I am always searching for a way to connect, a way to answer my Soul…

Conversation with Destiny

Conversation with Subconsciousness

Conversation with Knowledge

Conversation with Death

Conversation with Life

Who’s to say if I am the Abstract on the other side of this reality…
A Conversation with Reality… I have to find Reality first…

 

The stage is set

Posted by enreal on

The scene is set. All are in position. Time draws near. The empty stage is infused with the energies of the participants. How in the history of the world can one have all these players in waiting for their debut? How in the world indeed…

If you could be in the presence of anyone, whom would you choose? What if it could be bigger than you imagined? How about instead of talking about life with someone… you could talk to Life, understand it, question it…

Death, same as above.

Speak to your mind and infuse it with interpretation.

Know.

Talk to Chaos, Emotion, Time… here is your chance. They are waiting in anticipation of your audience

Enter Life. Time. Death. Enter Chaos. Emotion. Purpose, meaning and Destiny

Can you truly find meaning in the meaningless?

Once there was a child, born in a world of chaos. Once there was a girl living in a world of hope. Once there was a life lived alone and shared with the infinity of possibility.

Once there was a time of passion and wonder, this time has since passed leaving the lonely to tend to the fields of unharvested dreams.  In solitude and silence they work., gently plowing and sowing fruitless hopes. The work tiredlessly. They work with little to no knowledge of their intentions. The know not what they do.

Weaving it all together. Leaving no room for poeticism. Why must there always be a story? Why can’t it be like life.

Chaos.

Chaos with Purpose.

And Life

They narrate their intention, infused with knowledge. All apologies knowledge could not be present tonight, though his role is interpreted in the dialogue

There is always a design beneath the surface. Perhaps an unseen pattern leaving light. Wielding emotion as a sword  would upon its final victory.


Purpose.

Meaning.

Destiny.

The stage is set… all in position for a marvelous show… how will you participate?