One day you will see,
and understand
It was always the plan.
Before you saw
Before you heard
Before you even understood
You knew the voice
You knew the burden
You accepted the choice
You expected the voice
Yet you forgot
When you were born.
.
It was always the plan,
you said you world learn
Have you?
One day you will see,
more than understand
You will remember
How can we see
What we are meant to be?
As we drift away
To where subconscious plays
At the end of the day
It is in this way
We do see,
We are more free than can possibly be.
It is in this place
No body
No space
In our minds eye
We are truly divine
It is in this present life
We suffer all strife
We learn the lessons our mind holds
We fear not and shatter the souls mold
Exploring the potential
Attempting the impossible
Attracting the infinite
Decoding the reason
Why then this vision
Why then this way
Why then do we forget
In the beginning of the day?
Why does our mind shadow secrets
When the answers are already at hand
it is in the timeless grains of sand
may we never understand
Whether the beginning ends the day
It is in this way
For our mind must pass the test
Leaving the answers hidden at rest
For when they will arrive
Only time and mind decide
For now they shall be
Eternally
infinitely
Patiently
Remaining in dreams
I tell myself that one day I won’t miss you
I catch myself looking for traces,
One day I will accept that I shut you out
I made the decision and I took the easy road
I tell myself that one day I will be happy
I tell myself,
But I don’t listen
I think back upon the years which led me to today. All the roads. All the decisions. All the meaningless and endless twists and fated moments. I think back as I do every single day. Why? Because I miss her. I still think I hear her. I catch glimpses of her smile and her eyes. When I try to focus, she’s gone once more. So I suppose today symbolizes her. I know she knows how sorry I am, but alas, the path has been traveled. She was left behind. One day I will be happy. If she forgives and returns to me. For now I will continue to think back upon the years which led me to today. Today and everyday.
Slowly I turn to see your face,
the lines around your eyes.
Are they smiling or are they sad?
I try to catch your stare
Its gaze far from here
I watch your movements,
Your body unattached
Unaware
*
I touch your shoulder, as if waking from a trance
I felt the touch against my shoulder
I felt the pull of energy from mine and mine from yours
I felt your spirit cling as if for hope, waiting for more
*
So far away are your thoughts
As mine are reaching for yours
So distant
It makes me cry
The saline tears fall to your side
*
They turned your gaze
Attention focused
My attention drawn
I face you,
You finally see me
You stare
Our eyes
Our beautiful eyes
*
Be that they always see light
Be that they alway learn
For they have
Even as vision fades
I am outside
You are Inside
*
Yet forever it feels as if we are always meant to be
Apart
“Tell me more about the impending storm, it will rage, I feel it, yet I can not explain its nature.”
She sat back, her gaze fixed out the large windows in the center room. They focused on the darkness looming in the near distance. She sighed and began again.
“What is it about storms? They bring signs and bring warning, yet once they are upon us, they leave nothing. They batter and deplete their surroundings, leaving only the strongest to stand. The rest to recover and grow once more with time”
I simply couldn’t come up with something appropriate to answer. So I sat silent. Watching. Listening.
“Do you see? Tell me you see! Tell me you understand the nature. Tell me you know of the strength it takes to withstand a storm. I know you can see it, do you know it, can you feel it?”
With this she sat and gazed sadly out the window. I gazed sadly out the window. In silence I turned to her mirrored reflection and simply watched, waiting for the thoughts and swell to pass… I wanted so much to answer, but I knew she would know.
I was feeling for the answers, reaching for the courage to face my other… I was grasping for something. Anything. And then I began,
“The storm is upon us now, it shall pass. I know not how long it will last, I know only of the warnings and signs of which you speak. I know only of the hallowed reflection I gaze upon in that mirror… and as storms pass, so do the reflections of moments which matter. I see you now… but do I?”
I stopped. As I stood there, looking in the direction of my outstretched arm. I saw it, once more. I saw it for what it had become. What it was going to be. I saw its nature.
Would I let it be? That is the question. That is the reality.
“… through the window you see me, you see what I do not. You see the storm, feel the power, feel the meaning… and know… yet what I feel is so much greater. It burns in my hallowed chest. It rings in my detached thoughts. The truth. I see its nature. Yet to see is not enough. To feel is not enough. It is in understanding that we truly can be…”
“Truly can be what?”
Her voice rang clearly in the silence of my mind. Her eyes were haunting my thoughts. Her gaze penetrating.
“You know.”
I simply watched the seconds passed as she reflected, the minutes as she mused and then she knew. A faint smile graced her beautiful face. I felt better. So then did she.
“Yes… I suppose I do…”
With that she turned back to her window in the center room. The rain had begun.
They come and go
As shadows throughout the day
Disappearing at night
Except for when one shines a light
I am lighting a candle
please return
The day disappeared without notice
But I notice you’re gone
And now
in the constant darkness
I miss shadows
I do not belong here
Among the low of spirits and the weak of hearts
Of those whose tongues be shamed
Though I must speak of it the same
.
I do not belong here
Among the empty dreams and failed attempts
For I dream of Life and Love
A vision of peace and wonder sent from above
.
I do not belong here
though only now I realize I know
I have never felt the way my mind accepted
My heart always knew it couldn’t know
.
Though I sense so much more of where I belong
I know I have been wrong
My voice carries on meanings which have slipped passed my judgement
My mind carries on memories of the feelings
memories of the words
memories of the tears
.
I seem to have forgotten these times, though I search for meaning
I will never forget the feeling
It is of a time and setting misplaced
.
I know I do not belong here, yet I can not envision any other place
I can only sense I know another face
I belong among valor and love
I belong among the proud and virtuous
.
Let my mind speak to me and remind me why I am here
I have forgotten the purpose
And my soul waits
Let my heart speak to me and show me the reason
I feel imprisoned to a time, though not the hour which I seek
Let my soul and I complete
Be in quest of this place
the one and only of our dreams
the one of which we belong
It is interesting how we look for meaning and answers….
“why is this my life?”, “why am I the way that I am?”, “when will these thoughts and feelings make sense?”.
It is interesting how we forget the lessons we have learned along the way, as if searching for one answer is not enough, we seem to overlook it in our failed attempt to see the “big picture”. I am tired of being so selfish… I stopped writing the poem below because I can not justify my visions… whose to say where I belong? I realize that it should definitely not be me. I am persuaded by my desires. I dance with my ego and have become partner when once I was lead… A sense of belonging, perhaps one which was never meant to be…
Journals Of Enreal 