“…this world is beyond chaos, nothing makes sense.”

I was having a conversation the other day with someone who was very upset, with reason.  This stuck in my mind. Chaos. I have written about her many a time, yet here, in summary was my reply.

“In a world full of life we know chaos exists…
is it the confused unorganized state before the creation of distinct forms…
or is it something more.

Can we describe life as chaos?
Life in itself is more than a word,
a thought or even a reality.

Life like God can not be described at all.
Life is a state higher than human consciousness.
Life is a state of being beyond human comprehension.

Like God, life is a gift.
A gift that is not confused,
but focused.

It is organized and exists beyond us.
Life is beautiful.
Chaos does not apply.”


We like to blame anything or everything. Can we blame the way we feel? Does that make sense? Perhaps it does, yet should we? I don’t think so. We might feel the need to blame, or simply we might need to feel what we feel. Either way this was my conversation, give or take a philosophy or two.


Thanks for reading,


chasing dreams

“Too much reading has me chasing dreams,” She sighed as she realized this was her story.

This was her truth. She would read and imagine and live and breathe in the words, breathe in the worlds. Since she could remember she believed she was special, different even. She accepted and reveled in her secrets. She would smile when daydreaming, imagining the different fantasies unfolding in her mind. She would envision perfect situations and conversations, so often that on somedays she would blend reality and her mind.

She waited for her dreams, yet years came in their stead. She waited for her dreams to live, for she always believed they were magic, her magic. She waited but as the years came and went they left her the gift of doubt. Doubt to her was not feared, it simply saddened her. And that’s when she found her truth, that’s when she realized as she read the words,

“it’s alright”


Inspired by George R.R. Martin “A Dance with Dragons”


“Do you like to read books …”

“A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, the man who never reads lives only one”

I have escaped into my words for years. I have lived, loved, laughed, cried, and even died. I have seen so many worlds that if this is all that my life has to give me, it truly would be alright. I am blessed with my dreams, though they haunt me I know that they are my gift. And for now they remain on the pages of books.

In the SImplest of terms

In simplest terms.

Life n. 1. Capacity for growth, functional activity, and continual change until death. 2. Living things 3. A period during which life lasts 4. A state of existence as an individual 5. Individual’s actions or fortunes

As we know it…

Change n. 1. Making or becoming different 3. New experience or variety 4. Substitute for one thing for another (change of scene)

As we’ll have it…

Chaos n. 1. complete disorder or confusion 2.The behavior of systems that follow deterministic laws but appear random and unpredictable.

As it truly is…

Existence n. 1. fact or condition of being or existing

As it very well may be…

Exist n. 1. have a place in objective reality 2. occur; be found 3. Continue in being; live

As we do what we must…

Reality n. 1. What exists or is real or underlies appearances

As we try to understand…

Life as we know it is an amazingly beautiful chain of events. Those who can grasp its potential are especially fortunate. For most people will live without question and without wonder and accept the simplest terms without hesitation and want. But those who want are more than most; they accept and encourage the road ahead, and with open arms welcome change.
Change is an important part of our existence. Over the centuries and our lives we have evolved as people and have welcomed the coming knowledge each day brings. Changes we face day to day offers guidance. Guidance is offered without our requesting it, and although sometimes we feel as though there is no purpose to the chaos, we find its beauty buried within ourselves.

As we awake everyday and face each hour without certainty of what will be, we make certain choices and accept certain things as they are. For those things are what life is, they are larger than you and me and are essential. Life, is larger than the individual, it is huge and yet it is so small as to connect each and every one of us on the most basic level.

Life as we know it

change as we’ll have it

Chaos as it truly is

Existence as it very well may be

Exist as we do what we must, reality as we try to understand

That is in the simplest of terms



Sometimes when I try to make sense, none can be found. I try to listen to my heart, yet it beats alone. I try to listen to my mind, yet that too is silent when my Soul comes searching. One would think they are connected, yet as of late, they are worlds apart.


I look towards an emptiness. Barren. Not cold, not dark, not anything.

What do you hear when there are no sounds?



What do you feel when you touch the ground?

Reality, or is it simply what you believe you’ve found?

What do your senses say they’ve found?

For now

They simply know not,

Or why.

This is my heart.


I look towards Life for answers, there are many. Yet, none seem right.

What is Life? If not Death in waiting.

What is Strife? If not happiness waiting to be found.

What is Sorrow? If not the hollowed ground within your heart able to be filled with Joy.

I do believe this, in truth I know this. Yet to know and believe serves little when one is lost.

This is my mind.



They pain you, your desires. What do they know, these simple emotions,

Hollowed words and meaningless songs

They betray you, your realities. What do they show, they are simply all you know.

One day all will be one.

This is my soul.


Worlds apart, yes. Yet they are the same.


What would say,

if I asked you to stay

And be with me

All of me


I Scream

Shout, Cry

I Lie

And one day soon, 

I shall Die


So will you?

Stay, I mean

Until the time,

when I get tired of you


Would you tire of me?

With all the tears,

I can’t tell how many years.

For it could be mere days and weeks

I don’t know

I wish I did,

for then you would be

partially free



I’m lost

Would you guide me

through this maze

It is haunting and real

And nothing heals

there is too much to feel

I rant


I can’t imagine where it began

Perhaps in the infinite end

Were you ever my friend

I can’t begin to descend

Until I know


This could be it.

This could be the beginning

Than Answer I chase

I’m on the edge of the world

lights coming and flowing

I know I am alone

Who shall carry this for me

if not by me

I know I am alone


Not even I 

would stay

There is my answer


I tell myself that one day I won’t miss you

I catch myself looking for traces,

One day I will accept that I shut you out

I made the decision and I took the easy road

I tell myself that one day I will be happy

I tell myself,

But I don’t listen

I think back upon the years which led me to today. All the roads. All the decisions. All the meaningless and endless twists and fated moments. I think back as I do every single day. Why? Because I miss her. I still think I hear her. I catch glimpses of her smile and her eyes. When I try to focus, she’s gone once more. So I suppose today symbolizes her. I know she knows how sorry I am, but alas, the path has been traveled. She was left behind. One day I will be happy. If she forgives and returns to me. For now I will continue to think back upon the years which led me to today. Today and everyday.


Slowly I turn to see your face,

the lines around your eyes.

Are they smiling or are they sad?

I try to catch your stare

Its gaze far from here

I watch your movements,

Your body unattached



I touch your shoulder, as if waking from a trance

I felt the touch against my shoulder

I felt the pull of energy from mine and mine from yours

I felt your spirit cling as if for hope, waiting for more


So far away are your thoughts

As mine are reaching for yours

So distant

It makes me cry

The saline tears fall to your side


They turned your gaze

Attention focused

My attention drawn

I face you,

You finally see me

You stare

Our eyes

Our beautiful eyes


Be that they always see light

Be that they alway learn

For they have

Even as vision fades

I am outside

You are Inside


Yet forever it feels as if we are always meant to be