A year

Where was I that day?
I drove my sister home from work…It was cold, I had worked all day.
As I pulled into the driveway I saw the lights…
“Should I come inside, you think Dad is awake?”
“He is probably asleep it is midnight”

He was awake, he was waiting for me, Sara had made potato pancakes, he wanted me to have some.
But I left, I didn’t want to go inside. I’ll see him next week, on Thursday, my day off. I did see him sooner than that. It was 4:00 in the morning…the phone rang. My sister on the line…

“Dad died” I died inside…I screamed so loud and sobbed so strong I let part of my soul leave my body…and it still has not returned. As I stood up I was lost…I was lost. As I drove the road carried me, yet I know not how I got there. As I pulled into the drive, a pain gripped me…If only I went inside four hours ago, I would have talked with him one last time. I would have kissed him goodnight, I would have said “I love you”. (As a child growing up he never said he loved me, only the past five years or so he said it although I know he felt it. ) As I walked through the door there were strangers in the house, some from the police department, the medical examiner, the funeral home…

I went into his bedroom, closed the door and sat with him. I looked at his face, was he smiling? Did he see his mother, whom he missed greatly? Did he see his father or brother whom he longed to see? I touched his hand…his cold hand…it was always cold. (the only part of him that was ever cold). I sat for a while. I talked to him, hoping he could hear, I wished and prayed to God for another word, a smile, a glance, anything…nothing came…

As they came and told me he had to go…I was numb…we all lose love, we all lose parents…we all experience grief and suffering…We just need to see what we have in front of us…We need to make time, I wish I had. You see, we are not guaranteed time, if anything we are guaranteed death, and there is no set time or place for it. So for all of you running around…take a minute to look at the ones you love and the ones who love you and make time…

Silviu George Klein…My father, my equal, my heart…
I never told him how much I admired him, how much I respected him, how much I loved him…
I have my beliefs in where he is, I have my convictions on Life.
I am strong in my beliefs…but there is still the one thing that is missing…his voice, his eyes, his laugh, his life…
I do miss him so much…all those things and more…

8 responses to “A year

  1. My father died when I was young. Even though I was young though, I remember him being more connected to me than anyone else in my family. He knew me and what I loved. After I fell in love with music my mom revealed to me that some of the things she decided for my life, like piano lessons and guitar, were because he told her he thought I would like them. He was right…I am a music/piano fiend. I can’t understand what you’re going through, but I can tell you that I know what that “missing” feels like. Peace.

  2. my heart just sank lower than it has in years. Silviu traeted me as family when my own family chose not to have me. I had family with him and love and a bond. He will always have a place in my heart regardless of the silly things we have to do in order to get thdough the day and plot our journies(he won’t be forgotten). I will continue to love him and laugh at the jokes and feel fondly for the shared times and much needed companionship. Gab, you are amazing and strong and I’m afraid that the only thing for a broken heart is time. the love will never fade, it will only become “less hard” to deal with as time passes. Silviu was so proud of you and loved you with the kindest eyes as he looked at me when talking about you. My heart aches for you and Sarah and Silvia and Larisa, and I am here should you need to share some kind thoughts about your Dad or just need a shoulder to cry on. I have and always will have the fondest of thoughts for you. I guess I need to go and have my own little cry now too. Much love, Simon

  3. He took me seriously when I was a sixteen year old brat; he talked to me of ideas and tapped into the abstract when everything around me felt so concrete, so material, so fake. I miss him too. Thanks Gabi.

  4. 😦

    ((( Enreal )))

    Sending you love, and hopes that your heart will feel lighter again soon. It will be 8 years next month, since my own father passed. While I can’t know all that you are going through, I do understand a little. May you feel comforted by his memories and eternal spirit

  5. Emotional hugs and much loVe to you enreal. I can relate deeply to the pain, loss, and grief. I cried when I read this tribute to your father. The tears are still flowing. Peace. Love. Solace. MW

  6. I am sorry for your loss. I know that you miss him greatly. I am sure that he knows how much you love and miss him. There is no service in beating up on yourself for not going in, let go of that and embrace his love for he will always be.
    My heart feels for you, my tears are welled up, not for his death but for the love that you have for him. May all who know you feel that love!

  7. Grace…Thank you for all of your love and support…Time goes too quickly…One day I will look back and say it has been eight years…it is just weird. Thank You

    MW…I was touched greatly by your words. Thank You does not begin to say how I feel.

    Tobeme…your words always bring solace to my heart. Thank You for your words…they mean more than words.

  8. Pingback: 5 (number) is | Journals Of Enreal

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