sabotage

I am asking you

once

to promise me

that I’m not the reason

that it’s all in my mind

that if I left

you would know

it wasn’t you

because I know

that no matter the reason

it will always be me

This

 

When my mind begins to wander into a place of fantasy and dreams

I am saddened by the overwhelming reality that this is it…

Yet,

From the shadowed corners of my mind comes the faintest of whispers,

“there is still this”

image

I see them, the way they look at me. The way they whisper and shift their eyes. I know they wonder,

“where is that one off to again, off so far when she needs to be here. she needs to want what we want”

I hear them and I know the questions and justified answers, yet what I don’t know is why they ask or pay any mind. Why do they judge and talk? Why do they pretend to care? They play to their empathy and false altruisms… it is how they sleep at night.

“why is she so cold and distant. strange that one is, strange?’

As if I can’t hear the question in their eyes… it is sad that they can’t see the answer in my lies.

At least I can sleep at night