I see them, the way they look at me. The way they whisper and shift their eyes. I know they wonder,
“where is that one off to again, off so far when she needs to be here. she needs to want what we want”
I hear them and I know the questions and justified answers, yet what I don’t know is why they ask or pay any mind. Why do they judge and talk? Why do they pretend to care? They play to their empathy and false altruisms… it is how they sleep at night.
“why is she so cold and distant. strange that one is, strange?’
As if I can’t hear the question in their eyes… it is sad that they can’t see the answer in my lies.
At least I can sleep at night
there has been a phrase in my mind for a few weeks… it just surfaced and spilled out on this page, don’t mind the tone…
“as least I can sleep at night”
yet with all due respect, they know not, or maybe very little and they care not. EIther way, it’s out now.
Funny – but I have the feeling that one phrase is the tip of an iceberg here.
It wasn’t the tone that caught me – or what was said with it.
It was more that I wondered what you dream when you are sleeping.
L, my dear friend, if you only could be there… or perhaps sometimes you are there… I only wish my dreams were my reality… even with all the chaos and darkness I would choose it, because every night I am home, and every time the sun shines in my mind while I sleep… I am temporarily blinded by awe, and when I can see, man… I can see
((and yes, I know it is the tip of an iceberg, sometimes I try to ignore it, but other times I can’t… we’ll see what happens next))
I feel the calming
Meant to quiet me
But I cannot be tame
I know the intent
Is for my own good
I’m just not the same
I see their fingers
Pointed straight at me
Still I reject their blame
I hear those whispering
Hushed behind my back
And hand them back their shame
I LOVE THIS!!!!!!!