There are those whom slumber and wake to find they have changed. Some remain and others stray. I do not know yet what I may or may not do for I am still changing. Into what… I do not know. I change for others, not myself… let me find strength to go back or do I wish to remain dormant? Remain asleep so I can not see? Time will tell. 

For now I am sorry

Time retreats

Leaving the war to rage

As it leaves

The battle takes center stage

 .

Scenes morph

Places fade

Mind over matter

In this time
In this place

.

Silence fades to chaos

The altering of tranquility

The adjustment of time

The realizations of the mind

 .

Mind has learned its lessons

Entering between these forces

Time understands

Its control slowly lessens

.

Existing as a fragment

The sides face to face

Good or Evil

Mind or Heart

Soul or Body

Which is the latter

Which is the start

.

For this war is eternal

It shall never ease

This battle never ending

It brings us to our knees

 .

The days we  wage

As our thoughts exist on this page

Is between our mind

The division of our Heart

As we battle our Soul knows not its part

Be this ever the start

of the end

or

the beginning

of the eternal battle

between the limitless mind and the infinite time

.

.

.

.

.

.

I never remember the intent. The one instant for reason, be it war… prose or poetry. 

What would you have me do

Sit here simply and dream of you

While my days decay and wander

While my nights betray as I ponder,

your fate.

.

Life is changing

I need you here

Time is fading the memory I once had so clear

and I fear

I may never have you near

again

.

it has been a long while

since I felt or seen your smile

it has been so many years

as I have cried and hidden tears

and now I hear

Time’s toll the bells of years

.

how can I call the future what it is

it holds many possibilities

all of which are dreams

and things

which are broken…

.

Or are they?

Perhaps my mind

or

my vision

is fractured

For Now

“This place in my dream, is the reason I still breathe. For I yearn to return and leave reality to burn. I care only of what I once knew, what I once did and how I once lived. Yet when I wake it is only an ember I take. And now I am tired. Now I want it all”

~

Venture to this place

Only you and me

A wonderful state

A place where you are free

~

A land beyond darkness

A place of peace and sight

A sanctuary for thought

A temple of infinite right

~

I take you here

Yet the time is not yours

I show this place to you

For you have battled many wars

This place is ours

You have lived before

You have knelt on high

Bowed on every floor

~

This kingdom is home

One which you will return

For the time is not now

I show for I know  you yearn

~

We all must live

Answer to the call

Learn the answers and determine the reason

For it all

With the answers,

time does stall

memory does fail

and life gets frail

But with the answers have faith

you knew the path,

that you would take

the journey is not so adventurous,

for life indeed is perilous

with it comes consequence, yet take not the chance

For no one truly knows if indeed, that is how we get home…..

~

We must go

Leave this place

Return you back

A new day to face

~

Just take with you an ember of memory

Just take with you

A peace of time

You will not recall

The journey or the fall

~

Just have faith and believe

Some things are too great for the mind to conceive

What a pleasure to have Silence here.

To be so close and have Sadness near.

They are my friends, my enablers, my addiction.

They bring along Memory time and time again, we have made a bond, which many find wrong. They say, “leave her, she will only hold you down.” I say never, “I am stronger with her around”.  My foundation was all but nothing and now is built upon her own, she shows me things and I find I have grown.

~

Now Memory and I  leave behind Silence and Sadness and find Life and Death in the other room. Waiting, watching, no reasons, no rhymes… simply observing the passing of Time…

~

Time sees Memory as clearly as day, leaves Life and Death for a momentary stay, “what have you to say?”

Memory responds, “the same as yesterday, I can not remember your beginning, it is beyond my way, perhaps your company has led you astray. Find the other which fathered Life, find the other who birthed death. Ask the one who knows, for it is beyond my depth”

I watch as Time scattered away, frantic and pacing ever which way. I watched it look over Life and Death, agitated and waiting for a respond or perhaps thinking of their beginnings…

~

We returned to Sadness and Silence. Serenity and Calm entered. I turned to leave and find the name of this place.Looking at Memory I asked, “Where are we and when can I return?”

With an invisible smile Memory said, “It is a place called Dream, you can visit anytime you remember”

So Alive

eternal

and beautiful

as we move

together

in the night

this night

forever

.

Inanimate

transient

still beautiful

still together

in the day

this day

forever

.

arms raised

warmth

as she shines

first towards

then inside

me

forever

.

yet tell me now, this forever… when will it begin?

will it remain after our final breath?

will it transcend the logic of our presence?

tell me now, what is this it… and can she even be stopped?

Can she see and breath in the answer?
Or is she the answer?

This forever began when it ended within her mind…

.

Let it end I say,

for these dreams of eternity

Are simply dreams.

When we wake we find

life is finite.

and  she holds it

as she holds everything

.

What is it?

Who is she?
Or should I say He?

The ending of forever

.

]]> http://enreal.me/2013/02/11/the-end-of-forever/feed/ 12 enreal f_girlholdii_8460m_e37f7ef http://enreal.me/2013/02/10/turmoil/ http://enreal.me/2013/02/10/turmoil/#comments Sun, 10 Feb 2013 14:59:01 +0000 enreal http://enreal.me/?p=2828 ]]>

I

epic as it was

eternal as it is

 turmoil enraptures

brings forth its years

II

this place of vision and haste

surrounded by beauty and inner waste

blessings and bitter distaste

it is fate

III

chaos and retribution

violence a seemingly perfect solution

time to grieve intuition

the passing

IV

one day come the next

as time passes

 chaos must rest

into peace

.

Listen to the other one so I may find that which was lost in thought and broken down with time.

.

The mind space which was shared is withered and broken.

.

The time space which has lived now casts shadows and has taken

Me

.

It makes little sense to others

and less sense to us

yet as we are one

leave chance to none but both

.

riddles and

rhymes

chances and

times

.

Paths that wind

broken vision

shattered times

all lead to nothing

.

so nothing we shall lead

endless

turns

and wheels of endless turns

make little sense to

Us

.

Speak to me in riddles so I may understand that which is whispered in my mind.

It began softly with silence.

An unforeseen change in direction. A content agreement between time and mind. A willingness to surrender to simplicity, rather than befriending mastery.

It has grown to become a veil. 

Mirrored are the truths which exist, yet resemble the dreams they do not. They simply are mirrors, hollow reflections with empty realities. You can see through and understand just enough to know there is something wrong… it is in the air, it vibrates with happiness and love, yet throbs with reality… when will the throb of will and want be silenced ? This hollow cavity which now bears the soft prompting of  truth…

Now all that remains are reminders.

The gentle whispers on the conscious wind speaking softly to the heart, asking carefully for the spirit which now slumbers to awaken once more.

The dancing light radiating down, reflecting energy to the minds all around, playing tricks of colors through the waters and the ground, visible now only to the eye which has been resting for this time.

The constant presence which protects and shadows… always there. Waiting for the heart to feel, the eye to see, the mind to open… the spirit to be free

Soft reminders, barely heard, only just seen, hardly felt… that is all which remains… Yet they are, even if only just…

This silent veil, it is known… yet barely understood… why then is it accepted?

I

Hiding behind their luminescent veil

Eyes gather

Their senses fail

Do you see her?

Down on her knees

Do you feel her?

All the while ignoring her pleas.

She is here

Waiting for you

She is dying

But this you knew

For this she waited

Your heart

Your mind

She is within you

Or are you blind

While she cried

By your minds door

While she died

On your hearts floor

II

Dying

Breathing

Lying

Seeing

Matter not her eyes to you

The tears fragment a broken view

Then dawn and dusk collide

Pressing time and space aside

Leaving all to wonder why

It all began

When she cried

While she died

All who waited for her

Behind the veil

All who passed judgement

Their senses failed

III

Then she was born

Once more

Living for you

nevermore

Forgetting the senses

she never bore

Forgiving the reality

she swore

to

leave

behind

forever more

There was a time when I remembered.

Paid conscious thought to the mind and eagerly waited for my dreams at night.

The nights dawned with the most lucid of dreams.

The vivid colors and brilliant possibilities.

Freedom.

Awareness.

Fearless.

Divine.

Now the time is passed and I wait for the nights in hope and anticipation for a glimpse of the possibility to live.

Even for  a moment, as I have done for eternity.

All that I dreamed and thought of myself has faded with the image I held of my world.

My dreamscape

My escape

My one chance to be safe…

I chose and I faltered for the reality of my truths

What have I now but truths.

I forsake them

I don’t want them

Why then must I have them…

Leave me be

Alone with the sounds of my dreams

Light is the savior, yet darkness embraced me so long. It sheltered me and comforted me. It gave me its home. In silence and contemplation I felt not alone. In the dark I found my soul. In the dark I found my home. Yet now it’s time for me to go.

Why then Do I want to stay, why then does my body and mind turn away. From the light I wish to sway, yet tell me not this day. I am wrong, it is not my home. It is not the way. It is not the chance I yearned for. It is not the only way.

It is blinding. It burns. It has a way of taking and making turns. I will wait. Perhaps follow, perhaps stay. I will not go nor decide this very minute, perhaps neither this day nor the next. When it’s time I shall go, for now light, leave me alone.

A new year. A new day. The same feelings. A new way…

I will see you soon. Happy New Year

Everything changes into the same.

People and places forgetting their names.

Once upon a time, there was a reason

Now it is a season

Of my Life.

There is a reason why I am writing, though it eludes me now. I want to express something, though I can’t name it. I can’t see it. I can’t touch it. I can only feel it… they say to feel your words. I do. Yet I can not write.

It isn’t writing block. I can write. I just don’t want to. I used to dream that my words mattered… I would write for people… those who wanted to read… even if was just me. Throw my words into the horizon and let them be found… like a guiding star… I would write because I thought that someone needed to hear my thoughts… I would write because I thought that one day someone might need them… yet now… I don’t even want them…

I do yet I don’t… I don’t because I failed them… as I failed myself… I need my words, yet I turn away… again and again and again.

There is a reason why I am writing… it is because I need to. I will write again… I need to be patient and focus on why